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Budget Crisis: God Lets People Go

    Shopping the Passover aisles with God last week, God told me everyone needs to sacrifice in these tough times. God Let The People Go. “No really I mean it this time.” God said. God started singing and doing jazz-squares in the aisle, “Go on now Go. Walk out the door. Just turn around now, ‘cuz you’re not welcome anymore…” I asked God to please settle down and use an inside voice, at which point God explained to me over a sample cup of Mango Lemonade, that “my people did not have time to bake kosher-for-Passover… Read More »Budget Crisis: God Lets People Go

    Cool Jews

      After filling out two blue books worth of information and medical history on my 1st grader, and after paying a year’s writer salary (okay five), this summer my son will spend three weeks at the same Jewish day camp I attended throughout grade school. Jewish day camp holds no comparison to Jewish overnight camp–it merely serves as the gateway. The gateway to Cool Jews… (Read More at Aiming Low)

      Shopping List

        Hey hon? Since my butt is permanently affixed to this office chair, would you mind grabbing a few things from the store for me? I’m out of decaf and I could also use: Qtips King sized Nerds Uninhabited Hermit’s residence Intern 20 more minutes Music nanny for ipod stuck in 2005 Big Mac and maybe one more Big Mac adhesive Inflatable donut pre-kids Sunday Morning Dollars fitness Mad Men Season 4, Big Love Seasons 2-5, Christopher Guest mockumentary about blogging not yet invented 45 minutes of this… Oh, and don’t forget Dinners. You’ll find the… Read More »Shopping List

        Signs you’ve emerged from babyville

          1. You ask a baby-wearing Mama where she got “that silly backpack” 2. The last time you changed a diaper your child said “I prefer a bidet” 3. You’ve stopped speaking to your husband in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS 4. Breastfeeding a baby now seems as remote a possibility as molting your feathers. 5. You no longer have babies spitting up at the dinner table, but rather loud burps followed by “AWESOME” 6. Your stroller is so dirty and jerry-rigged that Graco recalls you personally 7. Instead of playing “pattycake” your kids play “Butt2Butt” 8. You… Read More »Signs you’ve emerged from babyville

          Daddy Denial

            Twice in the past week I have found Husband holding a baby—a baby neither ours, nor a close baby friend of ours—stranger babies. My husband has sought out holding said babies, smiling and cooing—adoring these babies to the extent that our Four requested  “You can put that down now.” Why this sudden baby-fondness? Simple. He can put down the baby and back away slowly. My desire for babies has finally reduced the homeland pregnancy threat level to NoWayJose, and Mirena sounded the all clear a few years ago. Before having our own babies, Husband adored… Read More »Daddy Denial

            How to Interview Babysitters

              **fake post alert for Wendi Aarons** See, Wendi has this pet peeve about posting just to say you’re posting elsewhere, so I’m giving her advanced warning. Not only that but also thematic content! My essay “UNNannies” about my boyfriends my babysitters is syndicated at BlogHer today. As a Wendi-insisted BONUS to make this visit worthwhile, please watch this funny video from Anne Flournoy’s the louise log: How to interview babysitters.

              Vanessa Huxtable’s facebook updates

                Note: If you did not watch The Cosby Show religiously, skip this and click over to my newest column at Aiming Low: Screen Limit Psycho. Three is not a magic number when it comes to my pig tails. Who is this Sondra and what Daddy did she come from? Just saw Angelheart. Hillman college sure is A Different World Denise. Guess now I get your room AND your inheritance FTW! Welcome to the family, Olivia. AND welcome to the world of being upstaged by a cuter child, Rudy! FACE. Cockroach is staying overnight again. In… Read More »Vanessa Huxtable’s facebook updates

                Ann at the Symphony

                  Okay. Let’s try this again. Listen. To. The. Music. Minimize dissociation episodes to seconds or moments, not thirty-five minutes. Experience the music—avoid temptation to count senior hairdos. Also no loud one-clap when the music stops but isn’t over and everyone collectively knows not to clap, and then I try to disguise my one-clap by folding my hands at my heart and bowing. Wouldn’t it be neat to be able to  “Ah yes, Baccccccch’s triple A minor fugue ala rondo for the pianoforte in d-flat Major Barbara” instead of “Fools Rush in sung by chicks with… Read More »Ann at the Symphony

                  STRIKE!

                    Madison is on strike. Unions and state workers are fighting to keep their collective bargaining rights, Madison teachers formed a massive sick-in (kids have had no school since last Tuesday) and the Democratic senators fled to avoid a quorum. Heh heh. I said quorum. Heh heh. I’ve decided to blog strike in solidarity, providing a convenient excuse for having absolutely no energy left after a sick child, traveling husband, stiff neck, LTYM auditions and casting. Not to mention all our demonstrating of course: two hours early Saturday to get a good parking spot and avoid… Read More »STRIKE!

                    35th Trimester

                      My new column is up at Aiming Low. It’s about marriage, kids, Debbie Allen and bun warmers. Enjoy!