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Thousand Word Thursday: Politically Incorrect Snacks

    Ok, I knew these fry guys would please the boys’ palates, but what emerged from my toaster oven scared me silly. Please help me caption this photo, and give our family a new name for our favorite side dish… A) Minstrel Munchies B) Our Name is Luca (We walked into the door again) C) Chemical Peelies D) Before “Bare Minerals” E) Tater-WTF are you feeding your-tots F) Nuclear Fall-Out Nuggets G) Commenter’s Caption–add yours below! A heartfelt thanks to Adlibby and Dizzblnd for the awards. More detail to follow…

    BREAKING NEWS: NATO NAPKEEPING AIDE ENLISTED

      NATO napkeeping forces were brought in at 12:30 CST to broker a fragile cease-crier. Negotiating a truce required concessions by both parties. 2-year-old agreed to desist the shoulder-fired-diaper missiles (in accordance with the NATO Napkeeping code of ethics) when threatened with story time sanctions. Mommy conceded her “last shred of sanity” for verbal negotiations, finally responding to repeated toddler distress calls. NATO forces created a temporary emergency nap-camp in “Mama’s Bed,” but toddler unrest in the form of eye-ball poking and PeekABoo forced both parties to abandon negotiations. NATO Allies hope to bring both parties… Read More »BREAKING NEWS: NATO NAPKEEPING AIDE ENLISTED

      Totally Awkward Tuesday: Donating My Body to Science

        Fresh out of college, I moved from liberal-college-town-USA to downtown Chicago. This was before the sketchy Walgreens on Clark and Division turned into an Anthropologie, and when I lived atop a crackhouse—but I leave that story for another day. As a responsible 22-year-old female, I made an appointment to get my annual pap at my neighborhood Planned Parenthood clinic. Donning my paper wrap-dress (flattering on any figure), a friendly middle-aged appropriately Gloria Steinem-esque doctor greeted me in the examining room. When she asked if I’d mind a medical student assisting in my examination, I proudly… Read More »Totally Awkward Tuesday: Donating My Body to Science

        CAUTION: EXTREMElybland WINTER SPORTS

          Ahh, to enjoy all that subzero Wisconsin has to offer…skiing, ice-skating, snow-shoeing–endless opportunities to force your family into the frigid air (not Frigidaire—that’s something else entirely). Go on! Take advantage of the season. Let Mother Nature mock you with her beautiful scenery, as you make an ass of yourself in front of your loved ones. Its all worth it after you injure yourself, and ultimately crumple-up next to the fire with a tongue-scalding beverage, while your daily $15.00 of heat siphons out through the chimney. Let me tell you, the powdery mountains of Vail couldn’t… Read More »CAUTION: EXTREMElybland WINTER SPORTS

          Safety Tips: Encountering Toddlerus Tantrumicus

            Welcome to the natural habitat of the adorable, yet occasionally vicious Toddlerus Tantrumicus. As your guide, I feel responsible for protecting your safety and sanity. Please take the following precautions if you see one of our chubby little friends, and especially if you have a close encounter of the of the toddler-kind: Don’t show fear. Toddlerus tantrumi sense fear and use it to their advantage. Back away slowly. Chasing the toddleri as they do their circular tantrum ritual only results in dizzy, sweaty, winded adults. Shushing the toddlerus tantrumi only increases their decibel-level. Sometimes blasting… Read More »Safety Tips: Encountering Toddlerus Tantrumicus

            Thursday Thoughts: Karma-Related Notes To Self

              Remember how we scoffed at my in-laws neglect of the family cat? She was old and mangy. She looked malnourished, and they never took her to the vet. Now we have our own sweet little fur skeleton, waking us up with her Alzheimer-induced meowing. MEOW! MEOW…wait…did I already say that…MEOW MEOW, DAMMIT MEOW. Why did Janet and Chrissy always stuff their mouths so full when raving about Jack’s cream puffs? WE GET IT. Jacks a MAN and he can BAKE. This little bit of overacting/fake chewing drove me nuts even as a child. See Self!… Read More »Thursday Thoughts: Karma-Related Notes To Self

              PlayDate.Com—Avoid a messy Play-DOH!

                Parents, feeling annoyed by your toddler’s needy peers? Does your pre-schooler’s social scene leave him with a general ennui? Don’t second-guess your skepticism of those ruffians in the baby swings. Why risk it? Prescreen all your children’s prospective colleagues at PlayDate.com. Find out everything you need to know before the big day. Remember the time you offered Little LuLu LaRoo goldfish crackers and she chided you for snacking between meals? How about the DoodleBops fiasco, when Mini Micky Jagster suggested that children’s musicians “dumb down society’s musical intellect, pandering to the preschool set” And who… Read More »PlayDate.Com—Avoid a messy Play-DOH!

                The BIG Reveal…

                  Ok super-bloggy-sleuths the answer to yesterday’s lie detector meme? IB got it immediately, my first word was not fondue. My first word was deluge. Lies LIES I tell you. See! Now I can’t stop myself. For those of you who picked #8 (A few Adjectives that do not describe me include: free-spirited, layed-back, adventurous, flirtatious, and carefree) you’ve made my day, and it seems I’ve grossly misled you. I’m more of a cautious, rational, intense, loyal, slightly-neurotic, type. Or as Amy commented “retiring,” a really sweet word for LAME (which is only fair considering I… Read More »The BIG Reveal…

                  Monday Meme: Lie Detector

                    Comedy Goddess gave me a “10 Honest Thing About Me”, and I thought I’d spice it up a bit. Below find nine true statements and one false…see if you can guess which is a bold face LIE: 1. My thumbs resemble big toes or spoons. In 9th grade biology I learned the technical term “splayed thumbs” deriving from a recessive genetic mutation. I really am special! 2. I’m related to Jethro on the Beverly Hillbillies, Max Baer Jr. His Dad, Max Baer Sr., was a boxing champ in the 1930s. Sometimes while doing the crossword,… Read More »Monday Meme: Lie Detector

                    Silent partner, anyone?

                      Its Friday. The weekend is upon us and I feel generous. I have an idea to run past you, and if you’re interested I commit to silent-partnership. You research, fund and execute the project, work out the pesky liabilities, and my silent partnership will support your endeavor. Win-win, no? You do all the work, and we share the profits 50/50? I’m full of great ideas, just a bit taxed in the energy and dinero areas. Here’s my brainchild: Mommy Bars. You heard it here first. Here in the heartland winter descended hard and heavy. What… Read More »Silent partner, anyone?