The wheels on the bus go round and round, round and round; round and round with your breathing. Focus on your breath. Your coffee breath.
The wipers on the bus go swish swish swish, swish swish swish; swish swish swish away the outside world.
The bell on the bus goes ding ding ding, ding ding ding, ding ding ding. Stop ringing the bell. Thank you. The bell on the bus goes ding ding ding, feel the energy vibrating throughout your body.
The children on the bus go up and down, up and down, up and down. Track them behind closed eyelids. Up and down. That’s enough, children. Up and down. Do you want me to pull over?
The Mommies on the bus go shush shush shush, shush shush shush; shush shush shush your monkey mind.
The babies on the bus go wah wah wah, wah wah wah, wah wah wah. Notice them and come back to your breathing. Ignore those babies.
The Daddies on the bus wave bye bye bye, bye bye bye. Bye-bye bye Daddies. Wave goodbye to all resentments.
The doors on the bus go open and shut, open and shut, open and shut out all distractions. Please stand clear of the doors. Open and shut out the outside world. Watch your fingers.
The horn on the bus goes beep beep beep, beep beep beep, beep beep beep. That is not my horn. Whose horn is that? Beep beep beep; please silence that cell phone.
The driver on the bus says move on back, move on back, move on back from your conscious mind. I also say move on back to that policeman behind me. I see your lights. I see them and then I return to my breathing.
The sirens behind the bus scream WEEOWW WEEOWW WEEOWW, WEEOWW WEEOWW WEEOWW, WEEOWW WEEOWW WEEOWW All through the town.. WEEOWW WEEOWW WEEOWW All through the whole town. Or all the livelong day. Depending on region. Like DuckDuckGoose/DuckDuckGreyDuck. Focus your Monkey Mind. Do not feed it bananas.
The loudspeaker outside the bus screams PULL OVER NOW, PULL OVER NOW PULL OVER NOW. Policeman wants me to PULL OVER NOW. Ignore Mr. Policeman Monkey in your mind. He cut me off and I must go feed him his bananas. Stay in your seats. Continue breathing round and round, round and round, round and round. In and out. Up and down. London Bridges are falling down and my license is expired. Swish, swish, swish away all distractions. He’s taking the key and locking me up, locking me up, locking me up. He’s taking the key and locking me up, Mr. Policeman Monkey. I mean, Mr. Policeman SIR. Yes I will get off of the intercom, but may I say to everyone Peace be with you. I see the divine spark within you and I am hearing my Miranda rights. Namaste.
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Thanks to everyone who contributed to Yo Bloggy Mama. I loved reading all the posts. I hoped to have the video of Listen To Your Mother posted, but the quality was not what I hoped for. Stay tuned…if nothing else I will post a podcast. The event was a smash success, and I feel terrifically thankful to everyone who attended and all of you who were there in spirit. More details to follow…
Favorite post of yours, by far. Love!
Especially the babies and the daddies verses. Laughing out loud. (Ignore those babies.)
And the best part? Is that I’m so glad that I call you 3-D friend and I can hear your voice as I read this.
xo elizabeth
Just one day in your mind, that’s all I ask for: I’d be set for life (-:
we have been singing that song for 154 days!!!!!!!! I can SING it in my sleep.
Well, except for that LAST part, of course.
This made my monkey mind go “Oooh, ooh!”
Love the line about the Daddies, in fact I just love it all.
Just wanted also to say thank you again so much for doing the Bloggy Mama piece, I have found some wonderful new blogs to follow as a result of reading the posts contributed and so enjoyed reading them. I hope you will do something like that again in the future.
I am so glad your event was such a success – that is wonderful, any chance you are going to hit the road and bring your show to all of us?!?
I said to myself, Becky see if you can NOT laugh out loud at one of Ann’s posts. It can’t be always THAT funny.
I failed.
I buckled at “Stop ringing the bell. Thank you.”
So you can see I didn’t get far. Loved it.
And you.
I am feeling very [twitch, twitch] relaxed now.
Thank [flinch] you.
[spazz]
XO A.
Oh my god. This is so unbelievably, perfectly, well written. All I could think while I was reading this was “How on earth did she come up with this?” Brilliant! 😉
More from Ann’s Rants, stay at home genius.
xoxo
This mommy is SO grateful that she can hand her kids car keys and send them off on their own. NO singing required.
I must that last para when I get pulled over for speeding!!
Looking forward to seeing the video!
oh, you are brilliant!! i always appreciate laughter out loud. thanks, ranty ann!
Namaste. That was fabulous.
Congrats on the success of the show!
Did the cop see the divine spark within you and waive the ticket?
And does this song EVER get old with kids?
And could you write a Guided Meditation about Garbage Trucks?
PS – thank you
PPS – great post, as always
Um, you know there are pills for that, right?
I knew I didn’t have all the verses of this song… I usually lose track after the wipers. So THANKS!
And I’m so annoyed because “the motherboard” (whatever that means) of my computer is going and we no longer get sound – so I can’t watch the video, regardless of quality. Maybe on my iphone? I’ll have to check. At some point I’ll watch it though and seethe with jealously that I do not live in the midwest and couldn’t participate. Assuming that you’d include me of course…which you would, since this is hypothetical and occurring in my own mind. Which has come a LONG way with its self esteem.
NAMIOHO RENGEE I WILL CUT YOU!!!
I think I had a seizure just reading the lyrics.
Yes Bernthis that soung can bring about seizure so song at you own risk. I try to steer my kids clear of this little ditty but they alwasy come back to it. Now they want me to play elmo sing it on the computer. I have certainly lost my mind. I can’t make them forget it! At least now I acn ermember you and laugh. And that means a lot.
I too so wish I could have seen the show! I am so glad it went well.
I’m so in love with your insanity.
Oh my gosh. This is too funny for words! I think ignoring Mr. Policeman is always a great idea! : )
perfect dose of crazy! I plan to use it as mantra (if I can remember more than a third of it!)
Bye bye Daddies. Yes, indeed. Dressed so nicely. Nobody going to throw up on you today. You’ll probably get to speak to other adults. Bye Bye Resentments. Focus, Monkey Mind.
I shared this hilarious post with some of my mommy friends.
A schoolbus – a world of its own. Hope the policeman had stayed out!
HA! That was perfection.
And, congrats again on the Parents Picks nom. We need every parent knowing about you. 🙂
I have to get my license renewed too, thanks for the reminder, it’s only six months late.
Oh, my gosh, this brings back memories…there were times when I wanted to walk out the door and never return, a la Anne Tyler. Great post. molly