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Bloggy Bonhomie: Dinner Date Edition

    Its getting serious, people. That Bitchin’ Wife and I shared…dinner! Join us, won’t you? [doodaloodoodaloodoodaloo] Amy and Ann: Omyblog you look so purty and you too, you too, you too and bloggy-bloggo-blogenshtina and Jimmy crack-blog but I don’t care, me either! Me either! OMblog, ME EITHER!Waiter: I hate to interrupt, but just thought I’d ask once more if you’d like some drinks? Amy: I’ll have an old fashioned, Makers Mark, sweet. Waiter: Would you like fruit? Amy: ‘Scuse me? Waiter: Fruit. Would you like some fruit with it? Amy: Umm, like what? Waiter: Fruit (definitively)… Read More »Bloggy Bonhomie: Dinner Date Edition

    Blicky Kitty Karmathon: A Moment of Peace

      This morning three sword-wielding knights woke me up with shrieks of “Happy Valentines Dayyyyyyy!” The swords? Long stem roses. The knights? Almost-five, Just-two, and Husband. They proudly presented me the blossoms, and consequently demanded them back to continue jousting (Husband let me keep mine). I indulged my little cupids their arrows, and surprisingly the roses remain in-tact, and now reside safely in-vase. What a stark contrast to yesterday’s events. Yesterday, while carelessly taking a moment to pee (or perchance glimpse a blog post or two?) I heard the thud and the cry. Nothing dramatic occurred.… Read More »Blicky Kitty Karmathon: A Moment of Peace

      My Funny Valentine

        The best valentines do not necessarily arrive in Godiva boxes or flower vases. Last week Almost-Five presented me with token of his love. Keep in mind, none of the other parents got one. Only me… Its a dirty snow ball. He brought it in from the playground. He preserved it in a zip-lock. Its still in my freezer. (swoon!) *************************** And In related valentines’ themed news, I just bid adieu to my last b-cup bra. Requiem for A Bra (ahem..clearing throat) A TJ Maxx purchase of Calvin Kline Such a good price, such sophisticated design.… Read More »My Funny Valentine

        Children of the Cornflakes

          Parents, caregivers, all manner of grown-ups, take heed! In what seemed like a typical drop-off at preschool this morning, I fear I intercepted an intricate and sophisticated plot. First of all, things fell eerily silent. Not one Mommy cry. Children methodically administered their goodbyes with–of all things–a firm handshake. Silently, they took their places on the rug, and not in circular fashion. Brace yourself. They formed a trapezoid. I observed one slightly disconcerted parent after another, shake their head/turn/shrug/backward glance/brush it off and soldier on in sheer denial. I, however, discretely lingered. I re-filled 2-year-old’s… Read More »Children of the Cornflakes

          Totally Awkward Tuesday: Blogher 2009

            Blogher 2009. doodaloo doodaloo doodaloo Me: (drunk mostly from freedom and perhaps a glass or two of pinot grigio) Heeyyy bloggy BFF! OMG howaryoooo! I think you har the most hilllarious blogger and remember that comment you made on my blog poth? and remember that other poth? and member all your mememes and and and (hyperventilating) Innocent Blogher Bystandard: I’m sorry, do I know you? Me: HAHAHAHA. Whohohoh. Youze so hilarious. I’m Ann! Y’know..AHNN! Well (guffaw) you may know me as Rantzzzss (gleek). Innocent Blogher Bystandard: Oops, sorry. My mistake…I saw your “Ann” nametag and… Read More »Totally Awkward Tuesday: Blogher 2009

            Nannynannies

              Friends! I think I just glimpsed a portal that leads out of the recession. A trend among the incredulously wealthy set sparked something within me…a brainchild I suppose. My friend Kate (of NYC weekend fabulosity) recently dined with an exorbitantly wealthy acquaintance. I use the word “dined” loosely, because in this case it comprised nibbling on a singular field green for three hours, but I digress. Said acquaintance mentioned a new dog purchase, and the requisite dog-nanny interview process. Kate perked her ears “Ehh-rrr?” to which said acquaintance responded “Well someone has to be with… Read More »Nannynannies

              My Flailings

                I’m flailin’ away…Flailing, takes me away… Okay brain synapses, what’s with all the flailing? How does it happen that I’m walking down the hallway, minding my own business, and FLANG my arm hits the wall? See these raw knuckles? Nope, not the result of weary work-a-day toiling, but from spastic collisions with spackling. Same goes for disproportionate toe-stubbing and funny-bone-banging. What gives? Friends, I have less control over my appendages than I care to admit. Perhaps I lack the proper kinesthetic awareness afforded to most people? I don’t run into cars while I’m driving (or… Read More »My Flailings

                Thousand Word Thursday: My Life Needs a Makeover

                  Exhibit A Even with Ira Glass in my ear buds, the view doesn’t exactly inspire… Exhibit B is closed and likely requires lasers at this point, and perhaps retin-A. Exhibit C is this blog template. Someone needs to pick up the clutter and let a little light in here. The docent tells me construction may begin over the weekend.

                  The Booger Couch

                    While the bathroom area of the homestead flaunts its neglect like a dust, hair, pee and toothpaste-glob homecoming corsage, other areas decline more gradually. I’ve serenaded you with songs of dirty bathroom and refrigerator woe, but now mine eyes suddenly feast upon squalor so offensive it necessitates swift action—namely, blogging. Join me and myself (I is far too busy right now) on a tour of our mid-century modern home: Myself: Ahhhh, nice open floor plan, lots of light and windows. Had they a couple hundred-thousand more dollars, these Dwellos (informal form of Dwellophiles, use with… Read More »The Booger Couch

                    Totally Awkward Tuesday: Awkward Injuries

                      Husband has a knack for injuring Almost-Five in the most innocently awkward and stupefying manner… T-ball: Husband shows A5 how to toss the whiffle ball up in the air with one hand, and bat it with the other. One…Two…THREE! Husband cracks whiffle ball straight into A5’s face. RecRoom: Husband accidentally steps on A5’s foot while playing in the basement. A5 wails and Husband scoops him up to comfort him, inadvertently smacking A5’s head on steel piping above. Doh! Lights Out: Loud thud reverberates through floorboards followed by “OOOOUUUCH!” Upon opening door into A5’s darkened quarters… Read More »Totally Awkward Tuesday: Awkward Injuries