Skip to content

Yoga For The Rest Of Us

    The famous blogging yogi Braja (of Lost and Found in India) and I post in tandem today. I sought her counsel after getting stuck in a folding chair doing Downward Facing Dog. Yes, most people use the floor for downward dog, but those people likely aren’t strung like the Tin Man. Those people need not resort to props usually reserved for grandpas. As she tried to electronically coax my torso out of the folding chair death-grip, I told her about Mom-n-Tot yoga classes. She laughed so hard she yelled something about Tiger Balm, and then… Read More »Yoga For The Rest Of Us

    Sit-down Comedy for Chester

      For those of you not already aware, Chester the Jester of Humor Bloggers Dot Com fame, has gone MISSING! As a loyal humor blogger, I will now perform a stand-up (sit-down) benefit in honor of Chester… mimimimi-memememe-mamam–sorry just a few warm ups– Hi everyone! I’m Ann!! My bloggy friends call me RAAAANNTZZZ (shaking luxurious mane to and fro like the Prell Girl) [ribbit ribbit] Um? no one calls me Rants. I just really want a nickname. When I was five I tried to appoint myself “green leaf” but it never caught on…True story.[silence, but for… Read More »Sit-down Comedy for Chester

      Snack. Sigh. Seethe: My Memoirs

        I read Eat. Pray. Love. I rather enjoyed it. Elizabeth Gilbert ate her way around Italy, prayed until she saw blue in India, and loved herself a ton in Indonesia. Yes that’s an oversimplification, but that’s all my brain allows these days—feedbites. Feedbite!? I meant soundbite. Or something. Oh Lawd… The other day I quipped “Well its not exactly brain science” [plosive exhale…] As much as I fancy the idea of writing a book, a collection of essays, or a MEMWHAH, these bitty bloggy posties seem to take it all out of me. Incidentally, Bitty… Read More »Snack. Sigh. Seethe: My Memoirs

        Speaker of the House Cheri Oteri

          I wish I could’ve concentrated on Obama’s speech last night, but Cheri Oteri played Nancy Pelosi so flawlessly it took my breath away. Didn’t Biden look slightly annoyed when she jumped up again, immediately after Joe just got comfy in his seat? Every time they showed the gorgeous First Lady my attention went straight to the mystery little person on her left. Well, okay. My attention split between Michelle’s unbelievable biceps and the story problem of the little person next to her. Is that Michelle’s Mother? I know she looks way too young, but but…… Read More »Speaker of the House Cheri Oteri

          Totally Awkward Tuesday: Bodysuit for Women

            Ladies, Gent? Today I have the honor and the privilege of interviewing the man responsible for designing perhaps the single most awkward garment (for use in public) for a female–THE WOMEN’S BODY SUIT! Innnnnntroducing, the one, the only, the…completely fictitious…. Signor Snapi San Iorcucci [Cue audience applause. Cue music C’mon everybody get Snappy! ]Rants: The Woman’s Body Suit. Why? Why exactly? Snapi San Iorcucci: Ah-why-not?? Rants: Ladies? WHY not? (shaking head smugly, chortle chortle, snort-ette)Why NOT? Anyone remember this bizarre grown-up onesie? What, pretell, causes a designer to put metal closures by the nether-regions of… Read More »Totally Awkward Tuesday: Bodysuit for Women

            The Fur Bastard and I Need Mediation

              Me:I’ve had it. I want out. I’ve endured your feline-bulimia, weathered your incontinence issues, and funneled my children’s college money into fancy diagnostics. As the tests showed nothing physically wrong with you, I have to assume you’re experiencing psychosomatic issues as a result of emotional or mental difficulties. Would you like to talk about it? Fur Bastard:I don’t feel safe in this environment. First of all, you have opposable thumbs and I do not, so I cannot trust you to adequately represent my side of the story in this typewritten format. Secondly, I don’t the… Read More »The Fur Bastard and I Need Mediation

              Is “Madeline” On The List of Banned Books?

                This week I brought “Madeline” home from the library. Almost-five loved it and begs me to read it. How sweet…you might think…a boy who loves Madeline. He loves Madeleine —not for her daring escapades on the bridge, and not for her bad-ass appendix scar. Almost five loves Madeline for only one reason. He anticipates one moment throughout the entire story, barely containing his excitement To the tiger in the zoo Madeline just said , “Pooh-pooh” I saw it coming as the twelve little girls ice-skated all over the preceding page, I down-played it, tried to… Read More »Is “Madeline” On The List of Banned Books?

                Palate-Cleanser Programming

                  I watched a lot of TV growing up. A lot. Not only do I remember the shows that made up my regular viewing schedule, but I devoured a whole second-tier of programming—The Palate Cleansers. Consider the sorbet intermezzo before a gourmet entrée. The sorbet alone– while highly sophisticated–does not satisfy your appetite. For example…Hee-Haw made up the hour before The Muppet Show, and we often had to wade through Lawrence Welk before a seasonal Peanuts’ special. I enjoyed the costumes and hijinks’s of both, but kept waiting for a punchline that might resonate with a… Read More »Palate-Cleanser Programming

                  Totally Awkward Probably-Not-Chinese Friends Tuesday

                    How I wish I remembered your names. Fumiko and Noriko? Guess my bad memory can protect your identity. Anyway I do remember you from seventh-grade chorus. You were the new Chinese girls. In all likelihood you came from Japan or Korea, but twenty years ago anyone of Asian decent in middle school was Chinese. In addition to wrangling overly social and sufficiently rude pre-teens, Mrs. Chorus Teacher worked earnestly to achieve something approaching blend. Perhaps this explains her badgering “Its are you go-ING to Scarborough Fair, NOT are you goEEEN. Go-ING, not go-EEN, okay? Let’s… Read More »Totally Awkward Probably-Not-Chinese Friends Tuesday