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Palate-Cleanser Programming

    I watched a lot of TV growing up. A lot. Not only do I remember the shows that made up my regular viewing schedule, but I devoured a whole second-tier of programming—The Palate Cleansers. Consider the sorbet intermezzo before a gourmet entrée. The sorbet alone– while highly sophisticated–does not satisfy your appetite. For example…Hee-Haw made up the hour before The Muppet Show, and we often had to wade through Lawrence Welk before a seasonal Peanuts’ special. I enjoyed the costumes and hijinks’s of both, but kept waiting for a punchline that might resonate with a… Read More »Palate-Cleanser Programming

    Totally Awkward Probably-Not-Chinese Friends Tuesday

      How I wish I remembered your names. Fumiko and Noriko? Guess my bad memory can protect your identity. Anyway I do remember you from seventh-grade chorus. You were the new Chinese girls. In all likelihood you came from Japan or Korea, but twenty years ago anyone of Asian decent in middle school was Chinese. In addition to wrangling overly social and sufficiently rude pre-teens, Mrs. Chorus Teacher worked earnestly to achieve something approaching blend. Perhaps this explains her badgering “Its are you go-ING to Scarborough Fair, NOT are you goEEEN. Go-ING, not go-EEN, okay? Let’s… Read More »Totally Awkward Probably-Not-Chinese Friends Tuesday

      Bloggy Bonhomie: Dinner Date Edition

        Its getting serious, people. That Bitchin’ Wife and I shared…dinner! Join us, won’t you? [doodaloodoodaloodoodaloo] Amy and Ann: Omyblog you look so purty and you too, you too, you too and bloggy-bloggo-blogenshtina and Jimmy crack-blog but I don’t care, me either! Me either! OMblog, ME EITHER!Waiter: I hate to interrupt, but just thought I’d ask once more if you’d like some drinks? Amy: I’ll have an old fashioned, Makers Mark, sweet. Waiter: Would you like fruit? Amy: ‘Scuse me? Waiter: Fruit. Would you like some fruit with it? Amy: Umm, like what? Waiter: Fruit (definitively)… Read More »Bloggy Bonhomie: Dinner Date Edition

        Blicky Kitty Karmathon: A Moment of Peace

          This morning three sword-wielding knights woke me up with shrieks of “Happy Valentines Dayyyyyyy!” The swords? Long stem roses. The knights? Almost-five, Just-two, and Husband. They proudly presented me the blossoms, and consequently demanded them back to continue jousting (Husband let me keep mine). I indulged my little cupids their arrows, and surprisingly the roses remain in-tact, and now reside safely in-vase. What a stark contrast to yesterday’s events. Yesterday, while carelessly taking a moment to pee (or perchance glimpse a blog post or two?) I heard the thud and the cry. Nothing dramatic occurred.… Read More »Blicky Kitty Karmathon: A Moment of Peace

          My Funny Valentine

            The best valentines do not necessarily arrive in Godiva boxes or flower vases. Last week Almost-Five presented me with token of his love. Keep in mind, none of the other parents got one. Only me… Its a dirty snow ball. He brought it in from the playground. He preserved it in a zip-lock. Its still in my freezer. (swoon!) *************************** And In related valentines’ themed news, I just bid adieu to my last b-cup bra. Requiem for A Bra (ahem..clearing throat) A TJ Maxx purchase of Calvin Kline Such a good price, such sophisticated design.… Read More »My Funny Valentine

            Children of the Cornflakes

              Parents, caregivers, all manner of grown-ups, take heed! In what seemed like a typical drop-off at preschool this morning, I fear I intercepted an intricate and sophisticated plot. First of all, things fell eerily silent. Not one Mommy cry. Children methodically administered their goodbyes with–of all things–a firm handshake. Silently, they took their places on the rug, and not in circular fashion. Brace yourself. They formed a trapezoid. I observed one slightly disconcerted parent after another, shake their head/turn/shrug/backward glance/brush it off and soldier on in sheer denial. I, however, discretely lingered. I re-filled 2-year-old’s… Read More »Children of the Cornflakes

              Totally Awkward Tuesday: Blogher 2009

                Blogher 2009. doodaloo doodaloo doodaloo Me: (drunk mostly from freedom and perhaps a glass or two of pinot grigio) Heeyyy bloggy BFF! OMG howaryoooo! I think you har the most hilllarious blogger and remember that comment you made on my blog poth? and remember that other poth? and member all your mememes and and and (hyperventilating) Innocent Blogher Bystandard: I’m sorry, do I know you? Me: HAHAHAHA. Whohohoh. Youze so hilarious. I’m Ann! Y’know..AHNN! Well (guffaw) you may know me as Rantzzzss (gleek). Innocent Blogher Bystandard: Oops, sorry. My mistake…I saw your “Ann” nametag and… Read More »Totally Awkward Tuesday: Blogher 2009

                Nannynannies

                  Friends! I think I just glimpsed a portal that leads out of the recession. A trend among the incredulously wealthy set sparked something within me…a brainchild I suppose. My friend Kate (of NYC weekend fabulosity) recently dined with an exorbitantly wealthy acquaintance. I use the word “dined” loosely, because in this case it comprised nibbling on a singular field green for three hours, but I digress. Said acquaintance mentioned a new dog purchase, and the requisite dog-nanny interview process. Kate perked her ears “Ehh-rrr?” to which said acquaintance responded “Well someone has to be with… Read More »Nannynannies

                  My Flailings

                    I’m flailin’ away…Flailing, takes me away… Okay brain synapses, what’s with all the flailing? How does it happen that I’m walking down the hallway, minding my own business, and FLANG my arm hits the wall? See these raw knuckles? Nope, not the result of weary work-a-day toiling, but from spastic collisions with spackling. Same goes for disproportionate toe-stubbing and funny-bone-banging. What gives? Friends, I have less control over my appendages than I care to admit. Perhaps I lack the proper kinesthetic awareness afforded to most people? I don’t run into cars while I’m driving (or… Read More »My Flailings