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Singing: It Ain’t Always Pretty

    While singing can in fact sound pretty, it often doesn’t look pretty. To attain a really full sound, one has to open up that jaw much wider than your average American normally feels comfortable doing. Teeth become exposed. Saliva occasionally spews. Faces grow red and sweaty. Bodies contort. And I’m talking about the audience. Throughout my Dad’s choral concert my sister swayed and nodded perceptibly, channeling spirituals and madrigals alike. She dances with a professional modern dance troupe in town and has danced off and on since childhood. Her body hears music and dances, even… Read More »Singing: It Ain’t Always Pretty

    Ultrasound Photos–Is Sharing Caring?

      Everyone likes an adorable baby picture, just like Nobody Doesn’t Like Sara Lee. However, in defense of fetuses everywhere, consider the following as you bring out the Before shot: Poor lighting and odd camera angles may negatively impact public opinion. Is that baby’s good side?Most of us aren’t all that photogenic in utero. You never get a second chance at first impressions. If, however, the ultrasound photos look especially fetching, go ahead and shop a portfolio around to modeling agencies. Make some business cards, too. Generate some buzz before the cord is even cut! You… Read More »Ultrasound Photos–Is Sharing Caring?

      Product Recalls and Funny Finals (tee hee!)

        If you want a good laugh, go check out The Bitchin’ Wife’s VLOG today for Chick Chat! And how hot is she by the way? Vote for her for HOTTEST MOMMY BLOGGER while you’re over there (just click her button..teehee) PRODUCT RECALLS Easy Bake Nuggets-N-Sausages Maker: Lamb casing attachment suction exceeds industry standards UltraLaser Light Saber: Rare instances of unintentional hair removal. Wii Sword Swallower/Fire Breather Wand: Choking hazard and toxic levels of circus freakdom (Unauthorized) Marilyn Manson Barbie: trauma-induced goth reactions upon opening mis-marked Marilyn MONROE Barbie packaging Luvs Big Kids,Long Nights Pull-ups: correlation… Read More »Product Recalls and Funny Finals (tee hee!)

        Quality Control

          Dear Parents of Party Attendees, In an effort to ensure satisfaction for next year’s event, kindly take a moment to provide your feedback from Five-Year-Old’s birthday party; A Celebration of My BirthfulnessPlease rate the following on a scale of 1 to 5 (1 meaning unacceptable, 3 meaning wah–wah–wah–mamby–pamby-can’t-make-up-my-mind, 5 meaning perfection) Dessert: Dairy free gluten free soy free sugar free Splenda free corn-syrup free fire-your-own crème brulee station(1-5)________My apologies again, for the pervasive burning hair stench. I don’t know how many times I told those little ladies to tie their hair back! Entertainment: Toddler Choir… Read More »Quality Control

          Bath Bombe Giveaway!

            Do you love bath products? I’m not speaking of the “clear the pool” and “make your own bubbles” variety. Have you ever encountered the luxury of a bath bombe? Ann, why on earth would I want to bomb(e) my bath? A bath bombe effervesces in your bath with wonderful fragrance and moisturizing oil, making your bath a spa-like experience. My sister-in-law, Stacie, has made them out of her home–from certified authentic, organic, and fair-trade ingredients–for a year or so now. We’ve enjoyed them immensely, as have her customers who purchase her bath bombes locally. So,… Read More »Bath Bombe Giveaway!

            Nightly

              9:00 pm fall asleep fully clothed while “reading” 9:30 pm Husband tries to extricate laptop from my warm embrace 10:00 pm Husband turns off light, I sit straight up “I’M AWAKE!” startling husband, who hits his head on closet door where he is rooting around for his jimmies (spell check’s word for male jammies I gather) 11:00 pm Dexter-The-Cat begins keening because a) he grieves his deceased Fur-Bastard brother, b) as a prelude to his “worm” breakdancing move, effective for hairball expulsion, or c) he demands Nine Lives (as in the catfood, but perhaps he… Read More »Nightly

              Annual Review

                Five: Mom, your overdue. Me: (submerged in second bowl of Trader Joe’s Oat Flakes) Wha-huh? Five: Its time for your annual review. Me: That’s private. But thanks for the reminder (dialing OBGYN) Five & Two: (…waiting expectantly) Me: (on hold with OBGYN…crunch, crunch, slurp) What? Five: We’ve created a few benchmarks to assess your job performance. It’s time for your review. Me: Hi, I need to make and appointment for my annual. SLURP.Yes I’ll hold…Two, don’t let your brother do all the talking. Two: View. Now. Phone. Food. Rude. Me: Not interested, boys. Thankyou. GULP,… Read More »Annual Review

                Suddenly Its Springish

                  I jogged by a Robin this last week on a sleety jaunt around the neighborhood. She shook her head in disgust at a nearby cardinal, trying out his best Zoolander “Magnum” against the snow. The calendar says April, the weather says February. Winter in Wisconsin. Pfffft. Admittedly, bringing home the boys’ snow pants from preschool in March proved a bold move. I take responsibility. I apologize for jinxing my meteorological area. And yet spring officially sprung. Thursday I spent one of my 4.5 free hours boiling and peeling two-dozen eggs, in preparation for the preschool… Read More »Suddenly Its Springish

                  Sneaking Around

                    Today I’m sneaking around over at Tony’s from Life With Tony. I love the way Tony tells stories, and it’s refreshing to hear from a single dude once in a while. I felt honored when Tony asked me to guest blog, and wrote a post with his audience in mind. But no, its not about farts.

                    Offensive (only to me) Content Warning

                      I won a giveaway over at Jessica Bern’s site by sharing the most shocking thing anyone’s ever said to me. Remember that SNL sketch where people wanted to know the grossest thing they ever ate, and the angel at the pearly gates wouldn’t tell them? He would only tell them the 50th (or some odd) grossest thing, because the grossest thing would be way too upsetting. Given that I’ve blocked the top ten anyway, I now present… The 19th to 29th most offensive things ever said to me:“You’ll probably have to do this again in… Read More »Offensive (only to me) Content Warning