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The Boys’ Haircuts: A representation in one act

    My instructions remain constant. The outcomes vary… Super Cutter: So what are we doing for your boys today? Me: Short, but not too short Super Cutter: Got it: [SNIP] I’ll give you one Ollie North, and one Yule Brenner [SNIP]. Me: Just scissors, no razor. Super Cutter: I hear ya. I’ll take yer two Sean Cassidys and give you back Alice’s Tommy and Jim Carey’s Dumb and Dumber.[SNIP SNIP] Me: Well, short, but messy short. Not too straight across the bangs. Super Cutter: Riiiight, I’ll take your Brady Boys and make them Hardy Boys. Me:… Read More »The Boys’ Haircuts: A representation in one act

    What To Expect: Your First Blogiversary

      Congratulations, Blogger! You’ve posted for one year (One Hundred Blog years). As you celebrate yourself yet again, take a few moments to pause for self-reflection and blog assessment. What You May Be Doing: By now you’ve probably trashed that Minima template in favor of some custom design. You may have hired a professional, or maybe your burgeoning self-confidence with html coding resulted in a painful extraction from your deskchair with the jaws of life after a 72 hour bender resulting in your return to your original Minima Template (but with three columns!) More than likely,… Read More »What To Expect: Your First Blogiversary

      Rant’s Little Instruction Book

        A bird in the hand is worth freaking out over. Listen to your Heart. And then listen to The Indigo Girls. Compare and Contrast. When life gives you lemons, don’t let them rot in the crisper. You’re only as old as you feel. And my, your skin feels papery. If at first you don’t succeed, there’s always Second Life Denial means never having to say you’re sorry When one door closes, you might be locked out. When God closes a door, he doesn’t want you to come in An apple a day drowns under your… Read More »Rant’s Little Instruction Book

        Happy Birthday Rhonda: Let’s Cure JM

          Some days I’m amazed by what we can accomplish when we come together as a blogosphere, to build something bigger than our brands or egos. I hope today is one of those days… Kevin of Always Home and Uncool has asked me to post this as part of his effort to raise awareness in the blogosphere of juvenile myositis, a rare autoimmune disease his daughter was diagnosed with on this day seven years ago. The day also happens to be his wife’s birthday. Here is Kevin’s Story:Written by Kevin of Always Home and Uncool Our… Read More »Happy Birthday Rhonda: Let’s Cure JM

          Interview with myself as a 35 year old

            Well, I didn’t actually conduct this interview with myself (for a change). Women on Writing is a fantastic resource for women writers. They conduct quarterly flash fiction contests, and if you make it to the final rounds your entry is judged by an established literary agent. It’s only $10 to enter, but I encourage you to spring for the extra few dollars to receive the judge’s critique of your piece. Anyway, I was interviewed on their blog, The Muffin. If you are moved to comment, you can do so on their blog and then they… Read More »Interview with myself as a 35 year old

            Dear Man At The Urinal in Target:

              Please forgive the interruption yesterday, when I opened the door abruptly, shouting IS ANYONE IN HERE? I did knock first, but a knock-n’-yell is not normal behavior from anybody except for the employee responsible for spritzing the urinal And thankfully this potty doesn’t fall under my jurisdiction. Anyway. I knocked loudly and called out IS ANYONE IN HERE? Because this made sense to me at the time. In hindsight I don’t know what response I expected from IS ANYONE IN HERE? At which point you turned your head to the door and we made eye… Read More »Dear Man At The Urinal in Target:

              I’m doing a load of denial. Need to throw anything in?

                I cleaned my washing machine. For years I’ve shoved load after load through her dirty pie hole, blissfully ignoring the layers of basement dust. Well, at some juncture that dust became sludge. Mind you, this is where clothes in our house go to get CLEAN. I had no idea one should clean their cleaning machines. Never even occurred to me. Not good. Everyone wants a piece of me. First the bathrooms, then the fridge, and the booger couch, and now I must WASH my washing machine? Who defogged my delightfully hazy denial, causing me to… Read More »I’m doing a load of denial. Need to throw anything in?

                M-M-M-Moxie Mona!

                  My Sharona – The Knack Ooh my little pretty one, pretty one.When you gonna give me some time, M-Mona? Ooh you make my motor run, my motor run.Gun it comin’ off the line M-Mona Never gonna stop, give it up.Such a dirty mind. Always get it up for the touchof the younger kind. My my my i yi woo. M M M Moxie Mona… Come a little closer huh, ah will ya huh.Close enough to look in my eyes, M-Mona Keeping it a mystery gets to meRunning down the length of my thighs, M-Mona Never… Read More »M-M-M-Moxie Mona!

                  Fire Sale 5769: GATES ARE CLOSING

                    Jews? The season of repentance is upon us. Time for TEKIYAH TRADING COMPANY’s GATES ARE CLOSING SALE. Now is the time for fantastic deals. Are you Yontif-ready? Feeling nervous about your inscription in the book of life? BOGO on our self-adhesive custom labels. (no guarantees again fire, water, beast, famine, thirst, earthquake, plague, strangulation or stoning) Bobby pin holes in last year’s yarmulke? Darn it up and Dress it up with Bubbe’s Bedazzler! Take the tired sports-themed kippah to a fashionable new level. The congregant sitting behind you will thank you. Unless of course you… Read More »Fire Sale 5769: GATES ARE CLOSING

                    Certain Occasions Call For Normal Singing

                      I recently read about Madonna lighting Shabbat candles with Netanyahu, and it made me wonder how much flair she put in her bracha (blessing). Did she harmonize? Did she vogue? Did she try to throw in a few subliminal Shanti-Shanti-Shat-ayay-ohs? Certain occasions call for normal singing. Just regular lah-dee-dah voice, akin to whistling. But not that super fancy vibrato-whistling. Murky waters I’m meddling in here. I’m talking to you, Talented Singers. I’d rather hear the least tone-talented buddy shout “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow” than hear a Talented Singer try to find his or… Read More »Certain Occasions Call For Normal Singing