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Medicine MANIA!

    Featuring lightweight and highly bendable THREE vs. Middleweight and highly obsessed ME (with appearances from Heavy Weight and highly ambivalent HUSBAND) ROUND ONE (PING!)Begin antibiotic dosage in car seat, immediately following doctor diagnosis of double-ear-infections-almost-rupturing. Succeed in dosing antibiotic all over car seat (and snow suit) with none passing through Three’s ziplocked lips. Tears commence. On the ride home, console Three with ideas of chocolate ice-cream chasers. After arriving home and while preparing the second-attempt dosage, realize that you finished the chocolate ice cream two nights ago. Break “oops no ice cream” news gently, but… Read More »Medicine MANIA!

    Interview with myself #4: 18-year-old Summer Camp Counselor-in-Training

      The next installment in a series of stunning displays of narcissism in one act… Camp Director: So why do you think you are ready to be on staff at Named-After-Wealthy-People Institute? Ann: Please don’t say Institute. I’m already composing inappropriate cheers. Camp Director: So why do you want to work at camp? Ann: I love camp (boys). I love Jews (boys). The friends I’ve made here (dress in ROOTS) understand me in a way that none of my friends do at home (have never even heard of ROOTS) Camp Director: What do you say to… Read More »Interview with myself #4: 18-year-old Summer Camp Counselor-in-Training

      Please do “GET ON THE FLOOR” and other bank-robbery survival nuggets

        If you are on Twitter, you may already know that I was party to an armed bank robbery on Tuesday morning. In fact I was THE party, in that I was the only customer on premises when the crime occurred. I don’t want to rehash the whole event, because then my adrenaline gets going and my posture becomes very DomoAriGotoMr.Roboto and I have to go yogify myself. But I will say that if you catch a glimpse of a scruffy man with a huge plastic trash bag BEHIND the teller counter and hear the words… Read More »Please do “GET ON THE FLOOR” and other bank-robbery survival nuggets

        Real Valentines

          Romeo, RomeoGet off of my balcony or I will get a restraining order Roses Are Red, Violets Are BlueIf the kitchen isn’t clean in the morningI will go Elizabeth Taylor-Martha-Virginia Woolf on you My love is like a red red roseKind of cliche and a little wilted Be Mine!(Just kidding. Everyone in the class got one) Your love is like bad medicineThere is no appropriate way to dispose of it except maybe sending it to a third world country Some say love it is a flowerBut that my dear, is garlic mustard I love you… Read More »Real Valentines

          Name Calling

            The ultimate household insult has been upgraded from “Meatiac” to “Greediac”(although “Babyful Person” is a contender and known to insight tears) We are also noticing an upswing in “you nasty” as in: Me: I love sour creamAlmost Six: You NASTY! and Me: Do you want a kiss?Three: We hate princess kisses. Girls are NASTY. Keep these insults in mind and please head over to the Mouthy Housewives. I’m honored to guest post today, giving advice for handling the Greediac in any group. p.s. don’t forget to vote for those very Mouthy Housewives’ and Aunt Becky’s… Read More »Name Calling

            What Up Miss Piggle Wiggle

              Famous for her “Won’t Pick Up Toys Cure” “Never-Want-To-Go-To-Bedders Cure” and “Radish cure” (in which Miss Piggle Wiggle suggested planting seeds in your very dirty child, if I remember correctly), Miss Piggle Wiggle now addresses the problems of a new generation: “The Stop Selling Your Brother’s Ritalin Cure” “The Seasonal Affective My Left One, Get Outside This Instant Cure” “The DS All The Damned Day Cure” “The Its Your Bat Mitzvah Not Your Bachelorette Party Cure” “The Yu-huh Fruit Snacks Are So A Raw Food Cure” “The Get off Your Motorized Scooter and Walk Your… Read More »What Up Miss Piggle Wiggle

              The Crack Facktor

                So seventy is the new fifty is the new thirty is the new embryo. Heels and Hose have been replaced with skinny jeans and Uggs for casual mom fashion, and for the most part I say Hallelu-JAH. I like feeling campus-chic when I smack my forehead going through the tube slide–no fear of mussing my skirts or running my stockings. While little plastic eggs are fun, I prefer to let little Christian children search for them on Easter, rather than pry one open every morning for my Leggs. But the biggest trend in mom fashion… Read More »The Crack Facktor

                Humane Society Pet Adoption Interview Questions REVISED

                  [What they should’ve asked…] Why do you want to adopt a pet? Do you yearn for more feet on your keyboard and furbutt slamming your laptop screen shut? Do you know what kind of pet is right for you? May we suggest a goldfish? Or better yet, a Webkinz? Can you afford to care for your pet’s health and safety? Did you plan on spending that grand for kitty dentistry, with no discernible breath improvement? How will you respond to your pet’s request for gastric bypass? Will you hand feed him pureed Fancy Feast with… Read More »Humane Society Pet Adoption Interview Questions REVISED

                  Better Than Funny

                    What is better than funny? Shopbop not only matched my delurking day donation, but TRIPLED IT! I just got news from my wonderful contact Kelly over at Shopbop that they will donate $250.00 to the relief effort charity of my choice. Reading this on Stacey/Anymommy’s post, and watching this clip from MSNBC, inspired me to donate to God’s Littlest Angles, . Here is what Stacey wrote: If you want to donate, you probably already have and the Red Cross is an amazing first responder. If you want a long-standing, incredibly well-run organization that has been… Read More »Better Than Funny

                    Here is something fun to do

                      By 8-year-old Ann Take off Chatty Cathy’s mustard colored knitted dress that Granny made and wrap her clothes in Kleenex. Take off Kissing Barbie’s mustard colored scarf that Granny made and wrap it in Kleenex. Put these gifts under the orange desk chair. My mom says my matching curtains, bedspread, and wallpaper colors are called mustard, orange, and olive colors. One day I will have to make my lip-shaped pillow in home ec out of mustard corduroy because that is all we can find in the basement. Go watch Love Connection and eat three bowls… Read More »Here is something fun to do