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Traveling with Babies in Italy: Grande F*ckaccino

    Margo of Life In The Short Lane just started a new travel blog called “The Travel Belles.” She invited me over for “Travel Tuesday” to share an early post I wrote about traveling with my husband and our then 3 year old and 9 mos old in Tuscany entitled “The Most Beautiful Hell On Earth” Go check out The Travel Belles and click on submission guidelines to share your own travel adventures. Come to think of it, I don’t want the word “adventure” remotely associated with any of my travel. I think I’ll just sit… Read More »Traveling with Babies in Italy: Grande F*ckaccino

    Undo list: A To-do list for my past

      Begin effective daily stretching 30 years ago. Not just in Flashdance soundtrack-inspired fits and starts. Incorporate Rubbermaid bins from conception—keeping my life labeled and well-organized from utero through funero . Become happy early riser morning person! Wrap bathroom in floor-to-ceiling Dexter-Clingwrap style PRE potty training and retrofit children with Windex tool-belts and trained spray-trigger fingers. Raise children in organic-yet-Windex-permissive/athletic/nontoxic-except-Windex/screenless/emotionally intelligent/history and geography aware/less grunty-immersion household Become night owl party animal person! Wait until 3 is 3.5 to even think about pottytraining that began a year ago. Ignore all “potty-readiness” sings. Potty readiness signs are mere… Read More »Undo list: A To-do list for my past

      Announcement! Auditions!

        Twingle Twingle Twingle (ringing my triangle) hmmmm mmnnumm (a moment with my tuning fork) falalalalalalala (ushering in a small madrigal choir) 1) A big hug and thank you to Vodka Mom for hosting me over at her place. If you wonder how someone has 1500 odd followers, go see how she can make her entire comment section smile and cry at the same time. If you’d like to hear my confessions of a kindergarten volunteer [of course I can help you with your barrette. Does it go next to the other 72 barrettes?] please click… Read More »Announcement! Auditions!

        Erma Bombeck Writing Contest: My Erma Bomb

          image courtesy of Anna Lefler In hopes of winning a free pass to the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop, I entered the 2010 contest. The criteria from the contest website: All Entries – General Criteria:· Does it have the voice of Erma? Erma knew how to portray the humor in the mundaneness of everyday life.· Is it organized? Does it stay on topic and have well-developed ideas?· Does it have a compelling lead? The piece should “Hook ’em with the lead. Hold ’em with laughter. Exit with a quip they won’t forget.” Humor Entries:· General criteria… Read More »Erma Bombeck Writing Contest: My Erma Bomb

          Super Multi-ethnic Multi-talented Homemaker Grandma!

            The very day that awesome Tony of Life with Tony asked me to guest post about being a superhero, I was party to a bank hold up. Seeing a dude jump behind the counter and command us to “Get on the floor” exceeded my quotient of live action/adventure for the next four score and many years. No, if I had super-powers I would put them to beautifully mundane, yet practical use…(click here to read the rest of my SUPER MULTIETHNIC MULTITALENTED HOMEMAKER GRANDMA on Tony’s blog) Check out Tony’s blog while you’re over there. Kinda… Read More »Super Multi-ethnic Multi-talented Homemaker Grandma!

            The Saddies

              Hey readers, I’m consumed with a big soon-to-be disclosed project. In the meantime, I hope you enjoy a version of an essay I wrote a while ago… The Saddies After you complete your morning mad-skivvies-dash to retrieve your newspaper, and while you chase your coffee with some brand of nuggety-crunch, to which section of the newspaper do you turn first? Some people like to greet their day with the funnies. Others prefer, well, The Saddies. I come from a line of habitual obituary-reading people. It’s one thing to make sure none of your blue-haired bingo… Read More »The Saddies

              Ramona Age 36

                RamonaAge36 seeking Male 30-50 and not that nogoodsonuvaHowie Senior. Howie? If you are reading this, get your butt back down to The Whopper Burger and get your job back. Then maybe your sister Willa Jean and her wife/my sister Beezus will start speaking to you again. In the mean time I’m wet-jetting my way across every floor on Klickitat street. So yes, I am seeking a male 30-50 that can support me and Howie Junior. Make that 30-70: Sugar Daddies welcome. And Howie Senior? Next time your “friend” Perfect Susan calls me to straighten her… Read More »Ramona Age 36

                Observations By A More Popular 5th Grader:

                  You wear that “Real People” t-shirt practically every single day. When we sing Billy Joel that doesn’t mean you can sing too. Just because we “whoa-oh-oh-oh” does not mean you can add “for the longest” in that dumb low voice when you are not even invited. Jessica said you always start to sing when other people start singing. Katy’s moves are way too ballet. Just because you got to go to The Big Apple doesn’t mean your chartreuse skinny tie, belt, slinky bracelet, and dangelies are cool. You said you were going to New York.… Read More »Observations By A More Popular 5th Grader:

                  Signs it is Purim and not Halloween in DiasporaExtreme, USA

                    No one else is wearing a costume. No one knows it is Purim. No one else has actually heard of Purim, but think it might be a hand-sanitizer, and wonder why you are wearing that oversized triangle on your head. When your neighbor asks why you are wearing a triangle hat and a greasepaint goatee, and you respond “I’m Haman” she does not smile. She crooks her head and says “That’s nice dear.” A random dude wandering by overhears and responds “Hey Mon.” He holds out his hand as in a universally-recognized high five. Instead… Read More »Signs it is Purim and not Halloween in DiasporaExtreme, USA

                    Playmobile 911

                      BreakerBreaker we have a hairless acrobat trapped inside the utility storage compartment over here in the Camper Van. Someone shoved a baby guinea pig and dirtbike handlebars into her headchamber, but she’s still got a full tub of popcorn in her hand. I think she’s gonna make it. Do you read me? Copy that. Mobile1. Requesting patience, as we’ve got a serious situation here in the circus tent involving a pterodactyl, the trapeze, and what looks to be Mother Hubbard with a rifle in her baby sling. Requesting backup. BreakerBreaker this may be a serial… Read More »Playmobile 911