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Monday Morning Flow Chart

    Successful Monday OR Shame Spiral 6:20 Respond to awake child. 6:20 Cover head with pillow and spew “TEEE VEEE. GEHHHT OUUUUT” 6:30 Put on pants and engage in proper washing, brushing, deodorizing and scare-reduction/concealing efforts Z 6:40 Make 1st of 5 cups of DECAF. DO NOT TURN ON COMPUTER. Z 6:50 Stir porridge whilst listening to child laying Lego weapons down, declaring peace for all Lego eternity. DO NOT TURN ON COMPUTER, instead sing 60’s anti war ballad “Last night I had the strangest dream.” Child hums, sways, nods knowingly. ZZZZZZ 7:00 Receive toussle-headed second… Read More »Monday Morning Flow Chart

    Holiday Photo: Everybody tableaux!

      Holiday photo time. Follow my simple steps to attain “See how beautiful, harmonious, and frolicky our family cultural norm is” perfection. 1. Get entire family cute at a time when neither Husband nor I have enormous zit/third eye, and children seem less leaky. 2. Stop children from using their clothing, my clothing and entire world of textiles at large in place of Kleenex. 3. Say tissues instead of Kleenex like normal people. Learn this one day. Try “bandage” instead of BANDAID, and plastic wrap instead of SARAN. 4. Practice light-hearted fun-loving carefree family that knows… Read More »Holiday Photo: Everybody tableaux!

      Macaroni and Cheese: A self-exam

        I’ve managed to raise two children who despise macaroni & cheese. Before you praise my or my children’s talented & gifted palate, please understand that cheese makes my children gag. I KNOW, RIGHT? I’m pretty sure this post ends up on Wisconsin’s Banned Blogpost List. 6 had a mild dairy intolerance as a baby, so we had to brainwash him clear of all milk products until age 3. Apparently this was my one effective parental moment, because 6 holds strong anti-dairy sentiments today. He’s fully Stockholmed, and has taken young 3 as his pledge. With… Read More »Macaroni and Cheese: A self-exam

        NaNoWriMo

          It’s national novel writing month. Are you writing mo? I am unofficially writing mo! Instead of signing up and committing to write 50,000 words in November, I’m just going to write a bunch on my first draft and and proclaim it a victory on December 1st. Mmmkay? I like to call it NaNoWriAWholeBunchofWords. I am currently at 34,000 words, 10,000 of which I’ve written in the past 12 days. I am also finding myself very productive at making lists of other things to do mo of: NaNoGrocSto Nah, not going to the grocery store but…… Read More »NaNoWriMo

          Becky’s Bloggy Bridesmaids

            Dear Princess Becky Mikkimoto, As one of your self-appointed bloggy bridesmaids, I feel obliged to help foster your union–to twirl my parasol and put my lace gloves all over your momentous day, And to thank you profusely for not making me do this… Hi this is Ann of Bridesmaid Past. It is 100 degrees humid in August and I am enjoying the slowest carriage ride in the history of carriage rides. See my burning earlobes? Compliments of the matching bridesmaids earrings no longer pictured. Let me reach for a wad sip of warm Door County… Read More »Becky’s Bloggy Bridesmaids

            Husband’s Holiday Planning Guide

              It’s November? It’s not even Thanksgiving. Not at this specific moment. Mmmmmm Cadbury Eggs Let me think about it. I’ll call my parents. When is Christmas this year? Do we have plans for Thanksgiving? When is Thanksgiving? Oh that’s right. I’ll call my parents. I’ll let you know. Is this when they sell Cadbury Eggs? Is this when we have that long dinner with Matzoh balls? Why are we always having that long dinner with Matzoh balls. Will you make extra Matzo balls? Is it time to go? Let me take a quick shower. Is… Read More »Husband’s Holiday Planning Guide

              The Fur Bastard and The Tea Party

                I don’t usually get too personal or political on my blog—this is both. You see, my cat Dexter—lovingly referred to here as The Fur Bastard—just threw tea in my face. I am not using metaphor here. No like/as simile situation. The Fur Bastard just dipped his paw in my Chamomile, and gave me (and my laptop) a face wash. Then he did it again, just to prove he could. I sat by, too flabbergasted to move. Now I’m waiting for him to shout “SIEVE SIEVE SIEVE” while sporting a little hockey-mullet and lambasting me with… Read More »The Fur Bastard and The Tea Party

                How to respond to people

                  I’m giving advice today–maybe because I’ve been confined to my house with two young pukers for 5 days and I feel feisty, or maybe to address a long standing pet-peeve of mine. Whether leaving a comment on a blog, or responding to a person with words in real life, I present some examples of how to talk to your family and friends like a compassionate human being… Say someone says: I am struggling. I am an alcoholic. I am going to stop drinking today. Compassionate response: Sorry your are having a difficult time, we are… Read More »How to respond to people

                  Survivor: Ojai

                    It began in typical Survivor fashion: bloggers traveling cross-country on rollerboards, snuggling their MacBook pros zipped in wetsuits (or in my case, a pc swaddled in a paisley teacozy). We kissed our children goodbye and prayed that our partners could coordinate all the pre-arranged mooching of childcare from close friends, family, and friendly librarians… Just tell them ‘My Mommy is in the bathroom’ The airplane provided a collapsible/folding limbs challenge, as I struggled to pull my kneecaps up to my ears to fit the newly economized “torso only” airplane seats. Wedged comfortably between “Oh great,… Read More »Survivor: Ojai

                    Creative Spastic: Signs! Symptoms! Snacks!

                      I’m a creative spastic. Are YOU a creative spastic? I often make light of my situation, and I’m also prone to assuming you, reader, have some idea what my words mean. What is a creative spastic? What are the signs and symptoms, and WHAT IS THAT INFERNAL BUZZING NOISE? A Creative Spastic refers to an organism that beer-bongs energy and then power washes creativity in the universe. This creativity might manifest as rhythmic gymnastics (waving ScoobyDoo-style linked sausages in place of ribbons) upon your neighbor’s trampoline, wearing a union suit, one strappy Jesus sandal, and… Read More »Creative Spastic: Signs! Symptoms! Snacks!