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I do not come from DIY fireworks people. I come from “Did you hear about the little girl whose hand got blown off” people.

    When husband and I got engaged we went through pre-marital counseling for our different religions–mine Reform Judaism, his lapsed Christian/Religions Do Not Call List. Husband read many books on Reform Judaism so that he could give informed consent to a life full of Yom Kippurs, No Christmas, and Dayenu ear worms (Jewish music that you can’t stop hearing. In an assortment of minor keys!). Having already rejected the religion of his youth before we met, he closed his eyes and gave me carte blanche to force our children to go to Sunday School, Hebrew School,… Read More »I do not come from DIY fireworks people. I come from “Did you hear about the little girl whose hand got blown off” people.

    Summer Vacation Stockholm Syndrome

      Good morning and thank you for waking me as soon as that pesky darkness began to lift. This is my best hour! Would you two like to watch 2 hours of TV? Pixie stick dejeuner? Get Dad’s welding helmets on and swim trunks and spray water from the deck into the living room? I’m not even going to make myself coffee or do any business, I’m going to get right up on the step stool and dig around in the highest cupboard because I know you “just want to see what’s up there.” I won’t… Read More »Summer Vacation Stockholm Syndrome

      Story Time

        Instead of writing a post this week, I’m going to read you one. Then a whole bunch of young people will serenade you with their angelic voices. Finally, I will feed you grapes, fan you, and swaddle you. Really. It’s no trouble. If you haven’t already, please go watch some of the other Listen To Your Mother videos. Los Angeles videos will be up soon! Have a great week.

        Workshops I will not be leading

          More mediocre meals besides these same five! Helmet-wearing with confidence! Making Friends: Shhhhhhhhh (no really, stop talking) Hebrew: You can say it, but what does it mean? Some things are not literal! Touch your toes? Sharing nachos well with others! Communication: Share your thoughts from the beginning instead of starting at random half-way points and then being annoyed when no one can understand you! Posture: If your butt is off the couch and only your head is resting on the pillow, you are not, in fact, sitting. Workshop I will be leading: Actress and author… Read More »Workshops I will not be leading

          Bomb Pops, Bullets, and The Neighborhood LISTSERV

            Zip up your flak jacket and dig underneath the car seat for ice cream truck change, kids, summer is here! Yes, after a long winter and crap-ass spring, we can finally bust out the bomb pops, swimming trunks, lemonade stands, girl gang fights, robberies and drive-bys! School’s almost out, nectarines are almost in season, and the neighborhood listserv is whack-jobbier than ever. Ah, the neighborhood e-grapevine, epicenter for terrifying crime updates, unsanctioned political discussion, and/or completely unfounded hyper-vigilant hysteria. Make sure to check your preferences—are you sure just one daily digest of seventeen rounds of… Read More »Bomb Pops, Bullets, and The Neighborhood LISTSERV

            I’m a little bit Terry (Gross), and I’m a little bit rock and roll.

              Listening to Terry Gross interview the Beastie Boys on Fresh Air made me feel a familiar cool vs. uncool inner-conflict.  Dave Davies’ NPR Poet Smurf-voiced introduction “License To Ill” made me laugh a superior hipper-than-though laugh, but a pang of recognition followed: I’m a little bit Terry, and I’m a little bit rock and roll. Okay, I’m a lot Terry—I’ve got at least 50 % Terry Gross in my soul. Even among my rebellious girlfriends in high school I was significantly Terry by comparison (designated driving, obeying curfews, actually going to class), so I’m kidding… Read More »I’m a little bit Terry (Gross), and I’m a little bit rock and roll.

              ITEMS: Chicos Twitter feud, Ann in the New York Times, and #ANNSFACE on The Talk

                **UPDATE** NO #ANNSFACE on The Talk tomorrow. I repeat NO #ANNSFACE. Turns out CBS WAS kidding and new exec prod decided no more follow friday segment. Perhaps new exec prod caught a glimpse of #ANNSBANGS! ITEM: OH THE HUBRIS!! I started a Chicos twitter/facebook feud and lost. It started like this: “Do you ever have one of those days when you look down and realize you’re UNINTENTIONALLY CHICOS?” When the inevitable Chicos Backlash came I tried contrition: Dear Chicos and lovers of Chicos and @mollydcampbell I am sorry I used your name in vain. Again.… Read More »ITEMS: Chicos Twitter feud, Ann in the New York Times, and #ANNSFACE on The Talk

                Approachers, Avoiders, & Kibbles ‘N Bits

                    I promised a real post. I even wrote one! Except you see, it’s over here. I hope to see you at Listen To Your Mother this weekend! If you don’t live in Madison, NW Indiana or Spokane (even if you do), enjoy motherhood-related posts from all over the web and link up your own LTYM post over on the site.  HAVE THE HAPPIEST MOTHER’S DAY, FRIENDS!! My gift to you? Closed comments 😉 Ahhhh…what a load off.

                  Ann in Madison and Shamelessly Self Promoting. Again!

                    Hi Friends, I just returned from Los Angeles, where I got to sit in the audience for LTYM: LA. It was indescribably wonderful, and impossible for me to extrapolate on right now as I am traveling-comatose. The Austin LTYM show was a humungo success as well, did you hear? I’m dying to see the video. You can too, and soon. Madison peeps, you can find me in newsstands right now in the Brava Magazine May feature “No Regrets.” Brava invited me and 3 other local women to write a letter to our 20-year-old selves. Look… Read More »Ann in Madison and Shamelessly Self Promoting. Again!

                    This happens when I try to mommyblog…

                      I used to have an adorable/tedious night time routine with Four. Lately Husband does a lot of the bedtime routine, as I tend to the twins: LTYM Show and ASUS Laptop. The other night, however, I did something I normally avoid–imaginary play with Four (I’m more the story-reading, leave them to their own devices, Uno-if-necessary parent). So Four wears his blanket like a cape and dubs himself The King. He invites me to play his Queen: “MY QUEEN! MY QUEEN!” “Yes My King” “LET’S GO BATTLE. YOU CAN USE YOUR CRUMPLE UPS POWER.” “Umm..Yo crumple… Read More »This happens when I try to mommyblog…