Vodka Mom has me thinking about what exactly constitutes a “new year.” As a MOTT (member of The Tribe) I get the Jewish New Year benefit. We don’t make resolutions per say, but we do throw perfectly good food in the lake (typically rice or Wonder Bread for we reformed Jews) to symbolically purge our sins.
This works well for me, because I don’t have to articulate said sins, I can just grab a few handfuls, chuck ‘em in, and feel the squeaky clean slate of a clean conscious. For a nanosecond. Until the sin-cycle begins anew. Immediately. See, I’m usually gossiping with my Mom both to and from this sacred rite, sharing a laugh about our sins that I should be ruing. During the ceremony I find myself complaining about the sand on my shoes, dreaming about hot pastrami and cold beer for lunch, and distracting all the congregants with my “aren’t my children adorable” high-beams instead of appropriately call-and-responsing. Fortunately, we MOTTs get a second chance for the secular/useful-wall-calendar New Year (I always get such a strange response when I ask to see academic calendars for the 5768-5769 year, don’t you?). Let’s see…
AHH! Got it. A Resolution! Break The Double-Glance. This insipid habit manifests itself in at least two forms. If I find something humorous, I always double-glance-grin-headtilt-blinkblink at my husband or friend (or even strangers) for “something’s humorous” validation. Worse even, the multiple-glance: Did you just hear/see that adorable thing my child did?…Did you? You’ll miss it? Quick! Its all non-verbal, but my bobble-headed-smiliness speaks tomes (yup, very large volumes that is). Oh my goodness, Anna? I’m one of your new hotmail emoticons.
In 2009 I strive to shake free the animated glancing emoticon that I become when laughing or smugly enjoying my children in public. Phew. I’m exhausted. Guess that’s all until The High Holidays. A Happy Healthy New Year to You and Yours.
First for 2009? Well it is here… ha!
We’re supposed to throw rice in the lake? I should be so lucky as to have a lake!
I wonder.. if you toss rice into the lake, does it make the fish swell like it does the birds when you throw rice at a wedding? If so, I wonder how long it will be until Pita gets involved and makes you throw fish food instead of rice!
Happy New Year! I hope your sins are purged for more than a couple of hours… I know mine wouldn’t be
Braja, Yes eternally first (at least in our bloggie hearts)
Marinka…Silly YOU NewYorkians get the Ocean!
Dizz, I love that you wrote Pita instead of Peta. Pita works, and is so much more appropriately Mediterranean! Bird seed would be much more P/C, you’re right.
When I asked my husband about the throwing of rice into a lake, he said he’d heard that one was supposed to throw their wife. And preferably on a cruise.
He’s not funny.
Guess I’ll have to find a large body of water en route to Texas.
Will the bathtub do?
Happy New Year!
Hello,
I am too a MOTT!! I throw my sins away in the ocean with left over challah!! I do not know why i use perfectly good challah that i would normally use to make delicious french toast with? This i need to rectify next year!!! Next year i will use stale Thomas English Muffins. Would that work???
Your great you know!!! Amazing really!! And funny!! AND A MOTT!!! WOOHOO!!!
I am almost feeling a bit of shpilkes in my genecktigazoink. This too shall pass!!!
HNY to you and keep it real OK????
lol… so funny
happy new year to you and yours, ann 😀
Beth, has he taken out any new life insurance policies out on you lately? 😉
Janie, I’m going to say YES. I’m a reform Jew, meaning we can pretty much do whatever the heck we want. I married a non-Jew didn’t I?
Michelley-MOTT! Girl! I already knew this as I follow your blog. You are hysterical too, know that? I wish you beauty and peace in 2009.
Thanks, Wolf!! You, too.
I think you should create the emoticon before you dismiss it.
Really funny stuff here.
Happy New Year and to a great 2009 without to much head bobbing.
I’m liking the throwing your wife ON a cruise ship approach.
Don’t dismiss the emoticon – you are on to big things there.
Here is to a great 2009!
I absolutely loved the description of your aren’t-my-children-adorable head-tilt.
Cheers!
Pearl
Pseudo, you give sage advice. Braja is my new career counsler, but maybe you can be my bloggy life coach.
Lyndsay, another vote for the emoticon! Big yellow wink back atcha!
Thanks Pearl. I bet you were the hottest gal in Walmart hands down!
Well, can I throw my sins aways instead of rice? Wasn’t able to visit for a while, and I missed it. Very VERY Happy New Year to you and your family!
You, too Fida! Thanks for stopping by my blog.
New reader here. Rice/bread in the lake is all so Gestalt (sp?) or is it something else? When you let go of that thing? Like tying a note of the things you want to change or forget onto a helium balloon and then letting go? I live closer to sky than I do a lake. But I like your gestures, too.
Hey, man, shout-out received and thanked.
I’m feeling left out since I’m not a member of your tribe…so in celebration of my redneck/white trash heritage, I just splattered a few cold tater tots against the window of my neighbor’s RV.
You’re right – I DO feel better.
XO
A.
I’ve never heard that we’re supposed to throw perfectly good food away on Rosh Hashanah! Probably it’s because us Russian Jews had to stand in bread lines for hours to get that bread in the first place 😉
Welcome, my apathetic and intellectual visitor. Thank you for stopping my blog.
Anna, you made me LOL. Awesome visual.
Julia, so true. I think we’re going to have to change it to birdseed or something like dizzblnd said.
You are NOT a boobleheaded emoticon! That is patently FALSE. I think you should be proud that you think your kids are cute and want others to see how adorable they are. Usually, I’m picking mine up and whisking him out of establishments while I avoid contact with everyone there. Sigh.
I meant “bobbleheaded.” Boobleheaded is something I am unfamiliar with, but sounds like something maybe I saw in a porn once?
:^)
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