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20 Things Not To Say at My 20 Year High School Reunion

    1. How sweet of you to bring your dad!
    2. I see you still take off your shirt, put your tie around your sweaty head and do The Running Man when you’re wasted. That looks different now.
    3. Whenever I’m on Etsy I think of you and those tacky ribbon barrettes we used to wear. And…oh my, still do!
    4. Can I have a turn in your Dad’s Bjorn, little fella?
    5. Want to go harmonize in the stairwell?
    6. So do you still identify as a skinhead or is this a pattern baldness work-around?
    7. Would you say that whole GED thing ended up working out about equivalently?
    8. I see your wife is about as nice to you as she was to the rest of us.
    9. I know you were a late bloomer, but I’m pretty sure you didn’t have those at our 10th.
    10. So what exactly qualifies as “good behavior” in prison?
    11. Tell me more about your dissertation!
    12. Remember when I used to get my hair all over your desk?
    13. Deja vu! You smell exactly the same.
    14. All these years and I just figured out which gnarled Hobbit you remind me of.
    15. Why yes, I’m open to any and all ideas of how I could make a good living from the comfort of my own home.
    16. Please parlay this 17-second conversation into an excuse to contact me under false pretenses next month and invite me to your _____ party.
    17. As a matter of fact I’ve been looking for another book club it will take me a decade of guilt to quit.
    18. Does anyone have any causes I could give my money to and volunteer for?
    19. Congratulations, doctor! You finally found a way to possess those legally.
    20. Perhaps you’ve heard of my blog annsrants.com?

     

    0 thoughts on “20 Things Not To Say at My 20 Year High School Reunion”

    1. gradydoctor

      “So do you still identify as a skinhead or is this a pattern baldness work-around?”

      Damn, you are so funny! Just spit my coffee all over my keyboard. Thanks for that.

    2. hokgardner

      And this is why the movie Grosse Pointe Blank is one of my favorites. John Cusacak goes to his reunion as an assassin.

      My 25th is coming up next year, and the reunion committee is breathing down my neck to go. I haven’t been to any of the others.

    4. vinobaby

      Thanks for making me feel less guilty about skipping my upcoming 20th in August. It all just seems far more painful than pleasurable…unless, of course, John Cusack showed up and made things interesting.

    5. Susan

      An add-on to #16: or to sell you insurance/financial services. I am close to getting a restraining order against a woman I had lunch with ONCE.

    6. Shanan

      In two years it will be my turn and I really wanted to make it a Romy and Michelle type reunion but my friend says she won’t go! Now who am I supposed to dance with to Cyndi Lauper? Ann?? anyone? Maybe i’ll just skip it or check my facebook home page, it has all the info I need!

    7. L-Diggitty

      I have a GED and it worked out more than equivalently… I have an MA now! I guess it just depends on the person 🙂 Have fun and make sure to report back on how everything went!

    13. Andrea

      I have a feeling you held back five more things I shouldn’t say at my 25th, therefore, maybe I won’t go (I needed a fourth excuse)! Hilarious! 16 & b18…yikes! At least facebook gives some hints on who to avoid completely!

    17. Nancy Davis Kho

      “Have you tried the bacon wrapped scallops? They are so good.” Something I actually said at my 20th to a classmate who is now a professor of Jewish studies at UCLA.

    18. Marta

      Lol. #8 and #9 are definitely my favorite. Mostly because I can truly imagine myself biting my tongue not to actually say them to someone.

    28. Suniverse

      Crap. I was just going to email you to invite you to join my book club.

      How about joining my sewing circle instead? IT’LL BE AWESOME. We’re making housecoats for my cats.

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