Why I Look Ten Pounds Lighter

Recently, I saw my friend Araceli Esparza. She remarked “You look ten pounds lighter!”

My head immediately dropped to scan my body with curiosity.

“Noooo, silly. You are always flaca, I mean you look like a new person–relaxed.”

Araceli saw this:

Instead of, say, this…

Araceli nailed it. Two weeks after LTYM 2015 ended, I did feel ten pounds lighter, and every ounce of it off my shoulders. Listen To Your Mother 2015 came with an enormous load of responsibility including the Weight of Tremendous Beauty.

What is the Weight of Tremendous Beauty? Ann, do you mean tremendous beauty as in Connie Sellecca?

The Weight of Tremendous Beauty means that all of LTYM’s success stems from the generosity and hard work of so many people–people I thank over and over and never enough. The Weight of Tremendous Beauty means I want to support everyone who supports me in ALL OF THE WAYS. Some of the ways include: responding promptly and intentionally to emails and phone calls, reading and sharing work, brainstorming, listening, and problem-solving with compassion, delivering by deadlines, strategizing and overseeing efficient project-management for the book and shows, making sure bills and people get paid, collecting and organizing lots of data to keep LTYM organized and moving forward, promoting LTYM’s book, events, sites, videos, fund-raising for causes, national sponsors, local sponsors, director/producer, casts, alumni, fans, audience, producing my own Madison show, attending LTYM shows in other cities, (I’ll stop now). Not to mention the fact that while so much of this project falls under my purview, with a massive grass roots project most of what happens day-to-day remains completely out of my control. That’s Connie Sellecca Tremendous Beauty plus Lisa Bonet Tremendous Beauty. Lest I deceive you into thinking one person could possibly manage this weight, five genius women helped me shoulder The Tremendous Beauty this season, plus a hundred local director/producers, plus the entire team at Putnam Books, plus my family, PLUS PLUS PLUS see what happens when I try to even explain this beautiful weight? Run-on sentences happen. And shoulder tension.

Another aspect of The Weight of Tremendous Beauty means the pressure to try and absorb all the incredible pinnacle life moments, as they happen so I can remain present and digest the ONCE IN A LIFETIME magic all around me. After a month straight of legendary apexes– from our NYC book launch to several TV appearances plus national media segments, a satellite radio tour, speaking and hosting a book event at Mom 2.0, Facilitating 38 LTYM shows, attending two LTYM shows, and hosting the Madison Mother’s Day LTYM show--my brain finally shut down the morning of our own 6th annual Madison show. My energy went kaput, like the barrel curling iron I still try to use from the late 90s; hot to the touch, zero curl.  I didn’t fret, as I had zero curl even for fretting. I left the Barrymore and got a cappuccino, as I observed my flattened self with curiosity, like huh–hope I don’t wah-wah-wah-wah [Charlie Brown teacher voice] my way through this show. I trusted my adrenaline to kick in, but what kicked-in turned out so much better. Service kicked in. My service to the Madison storytellers and to the function their stories serve our audience gave me a focused calm, and the buoyancy I needed to host our Madison show and give the readers the spotlight they deserved.

The true beauty of LTYM comes from the storytellers– from the thousands of beating hearts and diverse voices involved in LTYM. Even more beautiful than Connie Sellecca plus Lisa Bonet plus Jim J Bullock as “Monroe” on Too Close For Comfort. I used to try and take in all the stories–all the videos–and it got to a point where I could no longer retain them. Now I realize, I don’t need to retain stories, or even witness them all. The Tremendous Beauty can resound without the weight, and instead with the service of setting these stories free into the air and into our audiences both live and online.

So the big push ended. We served and set The Tremendous Beauty free in 39 cities, in the book, and in the videos to be released this summer. We did it. We did it all and raised over 30,000 for local non-profits in the process. I can tell I’m aging, because the satisfaction of OVER and a job well done feels even sweeter to me than any of the epic life moments. It took a couple of weeks to decompress and wrap things-up, not to mention wade through all the piles of neglect that accrued in my inbox and homebox. But now? Right now,  I can breathe–with my body and not my shoulders. I have the calm and headspace to read books again, to write again, to reconnect with family and friends.

Sometimes people feel sad when the honeymoon ends and the service of life begins, but a day with a normal to-do list and the ability to feel more focused on my loved ones, colleagues, and their pursuits feels idyllic to me. Summer is almost here. The weight has lifted, the weight has FLOWN. The service of Tremendous Beauty continues.

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Speaking of Araceli Esparza and servicing stories, she’s working on launching MAD LIT Madison’s Writing Center.

Madison locals, please join her for the second planning meeting on June 6th, 2015 from 11 AM – 1 PM at Pinney Library on Cottage Grove Road.

From MAD LIT:

History: This is our second meeting. We are united for our love of expression. Come and we
will more than gladly share minutes, and there is still tons of work and room to grow.

Why: We would like to see a center in Madison that creates a safe place for writing.This may
be a stable physical space or various spaces created but linked.

Radical Inclusion: We are a core of about 20 poets, writers, teachers, parents, and
community members who want to include every possible kind of user. People of color,
LGBTQIA, gender variant, other abled, people who live life radically, book makers, paper
makers, people who never thought of writing, students who want to know how to write,
readers who want to connect with authors, readers who want to explore writing, children who
want to write, children and parents who want to write. Artists and nonartists,
and everyone inbetween. If you have a new word please feel free to add right here:
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