Begin effective daily stretching 30 years ago. Not just in Flashdance soundtrack-inspired fits and starts.
Incorporate Rubbermaid bins from conception—keeping my life labeled and well-organized from utero through funero .
Become happy early riser morning person!
Wrap bathroom in floor-to-ceiling Dexter-Clingwrap style PRE potty training and retrofit children with Windex tool-belts and trained spray-trigger fingers.
Raise children in organic-yet-Windex-permissive/athletic/nontoxic-except-Windex/screenless/emotionally intelligent/history and geography aware/less grunty-immersion household
Become night owl party animal person!
Wait until 3 is 3.5 to even think about pottytraining that began a year ago. Ignore all “potty-readiness” sings. Potty readiness signs are mere toddler PUNKING OF MY MIND
Never taste coffee ice cream, and thus avoid the mad spiral into coffee with cream and sugar, ok milk, who needs milk, I love you I love you I love you LET GO OF MY CARAFE.
Never even consider trying to do taxes. Then again, what else was there to fight over before having kids? Good point, have at it. You two are a riot.
Foster intense passion for accounting and make it your life’s work. And/or savvy financial investment person career. Or marry someone else who did. Or marry someone whose father will do it for you, and then make sure your one of your kids follows in his footsteps.
Become laid back flowy free spirit person!
bwahahaha! I LOVE this!! I think mine would look scarily similar! I’m sure I could come up with a great addendum to the list regarding my own ex-husband, But I guess I’ll just keep that trapped in my mind for a rainy day. ;-P
oh yes to the Dexter-type bathroom!!
Long time no see! *waves*
I forgot to send my 20 year old self a memo not to beak up with Rupert Murdoch’s daughter. What was I thinking.
Potty readiness signs are mere toddler PUNKING OF MY MIND
AW YEAH!!!!
It’s never too late to become a flowy free spirit person. Faggettabout the rest.
Become happy early riser person!
Um, why you talk like Long Duck Dong?
I just discovered you a week ago, and I am so floored with how creative you are!!
An Un-do list. I love it…
Ann – you are brilliant. A little crazy. But so brilliant.
Mine would include: stop spending so much money on cheese. Buy wine instead.
This is awesome.
FANTASTIC!!!!
Love it! I could have learned a heck of a lot from that list 30 years ago.
Ain’t hindsight a bitch?
I love this… hee!
Hmmm. I missed the boat on pretty much all of this too.
I wouldn’t lament missing out on the laid back flowy freespirit thing though. They generally wind up selling grilled cheese sandwiches out of the back of a ’68 VW van at Phish concerts.
But you are becoming a free spirit…you now realize that potty training should be self induced.
All excellent ideas which I shall promptly bogart as my own.
🙂
Pearl
Great idea…how do I begin..or end..?
I love your list.
I actually thought of myself as easy breezy with a touch of enthusiasm. Until I accidentally mentioned this to my best friend last week and she fell off her chair laughing. Maybe she just doesn’t get me.
Toddler Punking of the Mind? I think it then becomes big kid punking of the mind, and teenager punking of the mind? And I think we are all royally screwed.
And Long Duck Dong, Wendi? Love it! Bwahaha!
Ah, if only I could press the rewind button…
My favorite part of this is the tag “vital information for all earthlings”. I always leave here laughing. 🙂
elizabeth
Love your list! I found you by way of Any Mommy. I look forward to reading more!
*groan*…you made that list for me, didn’t you?!
The night owl party animal deal is overrated… unless you have xtacy, then it’s the bomb–actually everything is!
I did ALL of that and I’m awesome. Too bad for you.
Genius. Mine would have to be: Pick a (non-bonehead) major and stick to it. Changing four times is more than a little self-indulgent, toots.
my undo list:
make sure have good divorce lawyer to prep you and help you plan for future rather than going from your heart.
(is this a secret almost review of Windex)
Hindsight defines my life. Happy Wednesday!
I am loving this list! Looks like you thought of everything.
Oh, the paradox that is Nos. 3 and 6. Well, maybe you be a happy morning person if you are still partying from the night before.
flowy fres spirit person and savvy financial investment husband don’t seem like the best match… Dharma and Greg never would have lasted more than a few months in real life.
I would have married a handyman.