I finally understand Regan. No not Ronald, the possessed one… Good point—I’m referring specifically to Linda Blair in The Exorcist.
You with me?
I love those moments when things suddenly come together–when you receive the answer to a question you didn’t even realize was nagging at you. Like the time in my tens when a woman on the escalator at Gimbel’s uttered “lon-zsure-ay” at the very moment I gazed upon the “Lingerie” sign in the Women’s department.
You mean Lonzsuray is Linger-ee? Is underpants? AOHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. [DING]
I had one of those moments of enlightenment tonight, friends.
When I saw The Exorcist as a child, I didn’t understand why Regan was freaking out during her cat scan. Were they hurting her? What was going on in that tube? Why on earth was she screaming like that?
Now I know! [DING]
The lame hospital headphones probably did not sync up properly with her ipod, and Lyle Lovett likely sounded as if he was singing directly into a Coke bottle. Or, worse yet, maybe Regan neglected to bring her own 8-track, and had to listen to some crap radio station. Then, just as a song came on that she liked—let’s say something by The Carpenters—the machine gun ammo sound would ramp up and drown it out. After the firing squad unloaded, and she’d just have a chance to breathe deeply and try to hear tiny Karen Carpenter singing into her very tiny Coke bottle, the loudest longest dial tone began, followed by air raid sirens, followed by the faintest murmur of “I’m on top of the wor-rld, lookin’ down on creation…”
Too little, too late.
I know just how Regan feels now. I’ve walked in her shoes, and let me tell you those size three Buster Browns ain’t comfy.
The similarities do not begin and end with our shared experience being stuffed inside a steel cannoli.
Consider:
She was possessed by a demonic spirit. I have an evil force living in my ass (ok my paraformus).
She spoke in tongues. I speak Esperanto. I mean Ladino. (Ok I took Spanish and attended Hebrew School.)
Her demon gave her a terrible complexion. My kids are giving me enormous eye bags.
Her bucking bed vibrates all night. My snoring husband vibrates all night.
She threw a priest out her window, in a fit of rage. I once pushed my kid down the slide in a fit of rage.
AND…
She has bangs. I now have bangs. [DING]
I so get her…
YEAH.
I can so see the similarities. Does your head rotate to the left, or rght?
Now, if she’d had an MRI, I could totally get the writhing thing. Keeping still for an hour while someone drills BOMB-BOMB-BOMB into the side of your head has made me possessed several times.
I am a little worried about your language processing skills. Hebrew and Spanish are SO similar.
If you start spewing green bile, quickly start speaking in tongues: English, Hebrew, Spanish, I don’t think it matters!
Oh, boy. I had an MRI once, too, so I figure I must be on the same Regan-bound road as you.
I once ate pea soup (but did not throw it up).
I once yelled at my mom (tho not while masturbating with a crucifix)
I once pleaded,”Dimmy, why you do this to me?” (but I was just imitating that part in The Exorcist when the devil imitates the priest’s mom)
Well, I could go on and on. I guess I’d better call a priest or something before I start projectile vomiting.
Ohhh….that makes sense. I saw your teaser and thought you didn’t know how to spell Reagan. But now I’m all better.
Have there been episodes of projectile vomiting?
YAY for bangs! My hubby says I snore but he totally lies so I’m not sure I get to play in this sandbox…
This explains all of the burning questions in my mind. Wait. No it doesn’t. There’s still one:
How do you feel about Max von Sydow?
I didn’t really see it at first – but with the bangs and all…yeah, totally.
I hope you are not hurling green stuff…
I always felt that Regan was just misunderstood, or perhaps had one too many bad haircuts.
If you are looking for The Full Pea Soup Regan, add on an Upper GI test. The barium fluid does the rest.
Gimbels…what a great store. I remember the 3 dings over the intercom and then the announcement of… manager needed in lingerie, manager needed in lingerie.
Ah! But does your head spin on your shoulders? Mine does!
You have BANGS???? Photo please. Email.
I’d howl and my head would spin if they forced me to listen to Karen Carpenter, too….
uncanny and downright frightening
Girl, you need a break from the children. Your brain is possessed by the spirit of Karen Carpenter.
P.S. Have you seen my crucifix?
Bossy has bangs too. Not officially, but her longish layers are corkscrewing around her temples due to damp weather.
Sorry, were you saying something about the Exorcist? Bossy was getting lost in loathing over her frizzy locks. (Not lox. Bossy loves lox, which, not coincidentally, are never frizzy.)
Wait, the bangs aren’t anywhere near the paraformus, are they?
[shudder]
…A.
What about the spider walk? That was in the extended edition, but still.
Maybe if my husband had vibrated I would still be married.
Pushed my child down the slide in a fit of rage…thank god i’m not the only one. Yay!
oh my that bang bond is lifelong.
After seeing The Exhorcist (I was 19 at the time), I slept with my light on for a year!
And I want to see a picture of those bangs!
It’s good to watch the Exorcist every 5 years!
You are far too lovely to picture as demonic. Where is the picture?? Are these new bangs? Your faithful fans demand pictures!!
Everyone wants to see the bangs. So I guess you’re going to have to take a new profile picture for either Twitter or this lovely space. With bangs. So go ahead and grab your camera and take photos of yourself in the bathroom mirror…not that I would know anything about that. It sounds so Reganish.
When i met you at blogher, i immediately thought Exorcist.But I didn’t want to say anything.
Oh! Oh! Oh! Do that walking wrong side up on all fours down the staircase thing! That is so cool!
I love the Exorcist! I bought my daughter a Ouija board to use at our Halloween party. She claimed it didn’t work. I guess the kids just ask Facebook to answer thier questions now.