Tips for Handling Holiday Stress

I skipped last week’s PTA meeting. It featured a guest speaker with tips to reduce holiday stress. I thought the best way to reduce my stress was to skip the PTA meeting.

I’m guessing you missed it too, except for maybe you, Kate. Kate and I see each other on both Column A and Column B mornings. But now that it’s “only eyeballs” weather here in Wisconsin, we barely see each other at all.

In fact I can only hope that the boy I buckle in at preschool pick-up is Four, and that when we get home–and I release his mouth from his scarf–he doesn’t cry

“Who are you? Why do you wear that enormous blue hat, and where is my Mommy?”

Nevertheless, for those of you who missed the PTA meeting, the speaker probably said something like this…

Hey folks! The holidays sure are a stressful time, what with Hanukkah gettin’ all up on Thanksgiving’s bidness this year, every child in your extended family being born in December, and a conversion van full of Amish people backing up into your car last week. No worries! Just follow these 10 holiday stress reduction tips and you can laugh your sugar coated mountains back down to reasonably-sized molehills:

1. Parumpumpum passive aggressively (barely audible, and non-stop)

2. Cast a wide net of blame

3. Tantrum as fast as you can

4. Tantrum like nobody’s watching.

5. If you can walk you can Tantrum, if you can talk you can Tantrum.

6. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth. Then pound that third ‘nog.

7. Easy does it, but what the hell does Easy know? Tell Easy he can put his yule log you-know-where.

8. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh (Let’s put the ‘lid’ back on ‘holiday’)

9. Hug freely and often; and when you hug, turn your head completely away from your germ-infested loved-one.

10. FINAL BEST STRESS REDUCTION TIP OF ALL: If you’re going to be hunched over your computer 24 hours a day you might as well use something that actually works to reduce stress and muscle-tension, while looking like Deborah Morgan in her flak jacket in the process. Moji IS the best gift ever, and I was not paid to say that.

Use the code HOLIDAYHUGS to get 15% off all moji products through 12.31.10.

Wyrd.

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NEWS: I am thrilled to announce that starting in January I will write a monthly column for Aiming Low. Have you seen the newly bridalplastied Aiming Low? Swank new site, incredible team of writers, and all wrapped up in Anissa, Cecily, and Amanda. Go now!