Throwback Thursday: Eight Years Ago, A Twee Ten-Pound One-Ouncer

Happy Birthday Eight!

You’ve never liked it when I talk about you on the internet. I’ll keep this brief, try to do no harm, and hope and pray that no one who knows you in real life repeats any of this back to you. Like all those “tread lightly” signs your dad and I saw on hiking trails when we met in the Rocky Mountains, so I try to protect your dignity while also sharing your hilarity. It’s a gift, son. A gift that begs sharing. You have an audience and some fans out there you’ve never met. Sorry about that. Who can blame them when you toddled around saying things like “Duly Noted” at age three, calling me “Ann Krinsky” instead of Mom. How could I keep it to myself, when you told me my sparkly outfit was beautiful, asked if it had matching socks, and proceeded to say you’d like to put my head in the oven, turn it on, and cook it?

See, my second-born son, this actually works in your favor. You ask me stories about when you were little, and thanks to this blog, I can remember the mandatory Chuck E Cheese/Indiana Jones bedtime script you requested nightly at age Four. I can look at my social media archives and recall the occasion I told you not to put your hands in the back of my low-rise jeans, and you responded “It’s not my hands. It was popcorn.” I can recollect when our cat Henry died, and at age two you queried “Can we eat him?”

I’m forgetting things, Eight. Without the WorldWideWeb would I remember when instead of saying “Yes Mommy, I understand” you preferred “What the crap, Ann?” If I didn’t make amazing internet friends like Shari, would I have my very own mug emblazoned with your loving monicker for me; Most Idiotical Buttcheek? That’s a hard personalized Coke can to come across, my friend.

Okay, I hear you. I’ll stop… ish. You already pull away from me more than you come to me. Most of my kisses get met with “Eww, taco breath.” You aren’t into Mommy Wearing, try as I might to Ergo-myself to you.

I love you with bigger words than I know.  Happy Birthday.

Ann Krinsky