Three’s Company Annual Tenants Meeting Minutes

Janet Wood: Secretary, Apartment 201

All units represented. Present tenants include Terri Alden, Jack Tripper, Janet Wood, Larry Dallas, Lana Shields, and Ralph Furley. Former tenants include the Snow sisters (Christmas aka “Chrissy” and Cindy) and The Ropers (Helen & Stanley)

7:20 PM Association President Mr. Furley calls meeting to order twenty minutes late due to missing gavel.

Past President Mr. Roper rolls eyes muttering “nincompoop” indicating Mr. Furley.

Mrs. Roper cackles “Surprise STAN-LE-EY”, removing gavel from beneath her dashiki.

Mr. Roper scowls “Helen, put your dress down before I lose my lunch.”

Helen retorts “Yeah, try losing something else for a change” while wilting her little finger for all to see.

Mr. Furly scrubs gavel exaggeratedly with hanky and wildly gesticulates “ORDER! ORDER!”

7:25 PM Secretary Janet Wood presents meeting agenda for approval.

Jack squeezes Janet suggestively “C’mon over and I’ll approve your agenda”

Janet barks “JacKKK!”

Terri swats Jack’s lap with her purse

Jack bites his fist and recoils, stumbling backwards

Lana wriggles excitedly in her seat, beckoning Jack to lay on her bosom for comfort.

Mr. Furley sidles up to Lana momentarily, until he notices Mr. Roper with the Gavel.

7:30 PM Mr. Furley and Mr. Roeper arm wrestle for the gavel

Mr. Furley exerts himself, huffing and puffing with eyes bulging and muscles shaking.

Mr. Roeper causally quips “When do we start?” illiciting inexplicable audience-laugh track

Larry bets a round at the Beagle on Mr. Roeper

Jack endorses Mr. Furley, patting him on the back. Mr. Furley recoils at Jack’s touch yelling “Hands off, Twinkle Toes!” threatening karate moves

Everyone backs off., except for Chrissy who snorts and convulses, three ponytails bobbing, long after everyone else settles down

7:40 PM Agenda Item One-Handy Man: Janet requests a handyman for some odd jobs in apartment 201

Larry sidles over, grabbing Janet’s rear end saying “at your service”

Janet momentarily stops recording minutes and stabs Larry’s leg with her ballpoint ben. Janet then clears her throat, resituates pants far above her waist and firmly entrenched in all crevices, and continues notating.

Agenda Item Two-Late Rent Payments: Mr Furley complains about late rent payments

Jack apologizes, blaming Frank over at Angelino’s for being late with his paycheck, and offers to bake Mr. Furley a batch of his delicious cream puffs.

Mr. Furley grimaces “I don’t want nothin’ to do with you and your sissy cream puffs”

7:45 PM Snack break: Everyone except for Mr. Furley & Mr. Roper stuff their mouths with cream puffs moaning “Jack, Jack” in their collective amazement over a man that bakes.

8:00 PM Item Three-Free Immunizations: Terri offers free tentus shots down at the hospital due to Chrissy’s “Rusty Nail” misunderstanding.

Jack and Larry simultaneously drop their pants and bend over.

Mrs. Roper jumps up and down in excitement, clapping her hands and then fanning herself. Second round of inexplicable audience laugh track erupts.

8:05 PM Mr. Roeper and Mr. Furley storm (the former) and bumble (the latter) out of meeting. Meeting concluded unanimously by remaining tenants past and present, who happily head down to the Regal Beagle for a cold one, arm-in-arm-in-hand-in-back-jeans-pocket-in dashiki-in vest pocket-in jumpsuit beltloop.