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Ten Tips for Volunteering at Kindergarten Math “Centers” (alternate title LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES)

    1) It’s your job to keep track of whose turn it is. “Cheese” is quite fun, but not so much for the kids when you keep winning. When you lose track of whose turn it is, don’t keep asking the kids. Fake it. The math concept involves sequence aka knowing whose turn it is.

    2) You can tell her to go get a tissue. And also to wash her hands. And to wipe that booger off the table. Tell her President Obama would be proud–it’s a national state of emergency.

    3) Dress like a grownup. Meaning cover that low-rise. These are not your daughter’s 5Ts

    4) If he misbehaves, grab the teacher. You only volunteer to put up with crap from your own kid.

    5) Dress like a grownup. Meaning wear a bra.

    6) Stay on task. I know coloring is fun, but this is math time. C’mon, Little Sarah gets really pissed when you wear down the tips.

    7) Your job is to assist the teachers, not chat with them. Unless they instigate the chatting, and then you can model listening and following directions.

    8) It’s not a competition. Just because Doris-the-retiree knows all the children’s names and greets them with hugs, doesn’t make her more important. It only makes her more dedicated and wildly popular.

    9) Dress like a grown up. Meaning more business casual, less I haven’t showered/faux yoga casual.

    10) Go ahead and favor your child. You’re not fooling anyone with the “Well hello there, young man” impartiality and the firm handshake. However, if you’re going to do the touchdown dance every time he gets the right answer, you’ll need to do that for everyone.

    0 thoughts on “Ten Tips for Volunteering at Kindergarten Math “Centers” (alternate title LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES)”

    9. Anna Lefler

      Rule #11 (Los Angeles-area residents):

      For the child’s personal growth and academic development, it’s important to let him know that even though Daddy runs Paramount and Johnny Depp is his babysitter, he still has to learn his times tables.

      (It’s also all right in some instances to hit the kids up for small, short-term loans or premier tickets. But you didn’t hear that from me.)

      …A.

    10. stepalicious

      You are a good Mommy…I could barely handle volunteering for storytime in Z’s Kindergarten. I made the mistake of sitting down on the floor to read to the kids at their level. Little did I know that in their little minds it meant swarm the sucker who just sat down on the storytime rug. Ooooooh so thaaaaaat’s why they have a rocking chair…

      Bangs are nice! You look wonderful!!!!

    19. Kate Coveny Hood

      Not quite there yet… Yet I will be volunteering to chaperone my first pre-school field trip to a farm. Which will involve intense favoritism of my own son not jumping in mud puddles or climbing into animal pens.

    20. Moooooog35

      Okay…I took your advice and wore a bra to my son’s class.

      I am now not allowed within 500 feet of the school.

      You really need to break this down into “girls’ rules/guys’ rules” sections.

    21. Sarah

      Love this. Just love it. We’re all human out there, huh? Putting it out there for everyone to see – kids and grownups alike.

      LOVE.This.

    25. Chuck Dilmore

      hilarious!
      (er, what are tramp stamps? i gotta hit up Rene.)

      i still love
      the bed on wheels, and
      touch the brim of my hat
      (for your hubby) every time i see it.

      *looks off, pictures one of his own*

      peace~

    27. anymommy

      You lost me at the whole “dress like a grown up” thing. Although, having seen your gorgeous self dressed, I’m having trouble believing this was a problem for you.