I read Eat. Pray. Love. I rather enjoyed it. Elizabeth Gilbert ate her way around Italy, prayed until she saw blue in India, and loved herself a ton in Indonesia. Yes that’s an oversimplification, but that’s all my brain allows these days—feedbites. Feedbite!? I meant soundbite. Or something. Oh Lawd… The other day I quipped “Well its not exactly brain science”
[plosive exhale…]
As much as I fancy the idea of writing a book, a collection of essays, or a MEMWHAH, these bitty bloggy posties seem to take it all out of me. Incidentally, Bitty Bloggy Posties also sounds like a delicious breakfast treat.
Dream with me for a moment, will you? I have thousands of readers awaiting my next feedbite. The Blogher people change the conference to Blogenshtein09 and ask me to give the key blog address. An agent calls me and asks for my memoir of young motherhood entitled…entitled? I crunch my toasted almonds in her ear, knowing how rude eating on the phone must seem to her, but savoring the nuttiness all the same. Sorry. Yes. Entitled…
Wipe. Wipe. Wipe: Butts, Mouths, and Noses
Snack. Sigh. Seethe: When is your father getting home?
Sleep. Sit. Stare: And Other Interrupted Fantasies
Drink. Laugh. Cry: All Before Five
Penis.Penis.Penis: My life With Males.
Vomit. Wretch. Yak: Flu Seasons
Hommos. Hotdogs. HoHos: One Has No Beef Fat
Seconds. Minutes. Hours: Not Even Noon.
No. Shush. Stop: Fine. Forget it. Go ahead.
Taste. Hope. Like: Lower Your Expectations
Ann you had me at
penis penis penis!!!
I could read no further after that!!!
Sad, I know!! Just the mere mention sends me into a tizzy!!! NOT!!
Just trying to be funny!! Of course, not as funny as you!!!
Oh I Am First!!!!
perhaps I should call mine: a life without any penises
Blather. Wince. Repeat. – My life as a nag.
Peace – Rene
Or: I have officially become my mother.
Well, you just summed up the whole of my existence with that feedbite!
I’m digging the feedbite. I loved Eat.Love.Pray, but I never realized that it was likely due to the fact that I also seem to function best in short, undescriptive sentences.
Michelle, penispenispenis!
Bern this, Is that your native name?
Rene, I have, too. Fo-real.
Mary, chompchomp feedbite chompchomp. I’m glad!
Lyndsay. see mary ;O)
Do we get to vote?
Sleep. Sit. Stare: And Other Interrupted Fantasies
I like it best.
Y’all should have read all the way down PENIS
oops. Ann, you really did save the best one for last. Taste. Hope. Like….
Now that’s life, baby.
Gefilte Fish. Matzoh Balls. Charoset: Elijah’s Comin’
Sorry…it hit me with a brick wall…Passover is my Holiday to host.
Or…I should have said Elijah’s at the door…
With all the Penis talk…it could be confused! Yikes! That just really messes me up. I need to turn off the computer now!
Love your post! 🙂
I remember how long it takes to get from 3:00 to 5:00. Hellish.
ACK… Blogger just ate my comment.
My fave was runner-up: Drink. Laugh. Cry: All Before Five
Winner: Snack. Sigh. Seethe: When is your father getting home?
All of them were brilliant! I am going to miss reading your blog so much while I am gone!! But I won’t miss the Midwest. Promise! 😀
I’d READ them all!!! Savor them if you like. *grins*
Hell, I’d read them all. And I’d take notes.
Hahahaha I’m way too brain dead to think up a funny comment and I have to go clean up cat poop.
Awesome post. At some point it won’t seem overwhelming and scary and your blogging public will cajole you into that weighty memoir so we can Drink, Read, Laugh: Starting at Noon.
Elizabeth lost me in India. I wanted her to immediately return to Italy and keep eating.
Hey Mama…me too. And I live here. And I wrote Lost & Found in India; but truly, I wanted to tell her to shutup and get back to Italy….:))
No. Shush. Stop: Fine. Forget it. Go ahead.
This one? It’s the winner. Write it.
So true!! Such few people can tolerate the sublime! I am so well entrenched in mundane stuff and couldn’t stomach ‘sublime’ even on hot buttered toast!!
My FAVORITE!
“No. Shush. Stop: Fine. Forget it. Go ahead.”
🙂
I love this, Ann – Eating while on the ‘phone, well it saves time, right?! x
Tooj, always good to know someone else gets it
Jenny, Penises have the effect sometimes I guess 😉
Melissa, Hey there! Long time no see. Now that’s a doozy.
Goddess, yep that’s when I need a little ‘help’ from my ‘friends’ 😉
Amy, and I’ll miss you! When you come home I’m leaving for Florida with the kids…I didn’t know voting would ensue, but you picked two? Mwah mwah mwah.
Awwww, thanks Sweat Pea. I mean SWEET Pea. You are definetly not a sweat pea 😉
Marinka, I’m always taking notes from you 😉
Blicky, thanks for the encouragement. Oh, and I relate on the tired and having to scoop poop routine, of course.
Mama bird, HA. Well said.
Braja, Okay Done.Written: Ha. Ha. Kidding.See, there’s a new title!
Roshni, no fair to write that beautifully in a COMMENT!! Thanks for coming back.
Rambler, welcome and I can’t wait to go see your bloggy makeover.
Woman, yet another of my bad habits…Thanks very important woman
It’s a lovely dream.
Can it also involve getting paid huge sums of money?
Great. Now I want a big bowl of bitty bloggy toasties.
Pearl
Penis Penis Penis and Ho-Ho’s have beef fat!? I mean.. er… as two separate thoughts. What? Oh, forget it. I laughed.
I’d read them all. And not just because of the peni.
Ah, you are reading our minds and dreams. But you have better titles.
methinks you are on a secondhand testosterone high!
Time to run away form home now.
I like the last title for your memoirs. It seems to sum up all of a mothers life
I love it! Them? I’d read you. Didn’t like Eat, Pray, Love, but that was probably mostly jealousy.
You like my new little heart?
Sorry? Bored? No, this is entertainment for me….
That penis thing had me! And, Jessica Bern’s comment had me after that! LOL.
OMG!
I loved your title/phrases. They were so witty.
You should write a book…
I never finished Eat, Pray, Love. I think I will.
After three sons mine would be “Wrinkled Ballsacs are Hard to Clean”. Diaper-wise, of course.