Show Choir Concert Cancelled: Bill Bailey Home

Sequined top hats and bow ties littered the Cafetorium of Lawrence Welk Junior High Tuesday night, as pre-adolescent crooners tried to make sense of a shocking announcement that Bill Bailey Came Home. Apparently, weeks of rehearsing jazz-squares, knee-bops and four-part-harmonic pleas of “Bill Bailey won’t you please come home” combined with offers of doing dishes and paying rent, finally cajoled the fellow to return to his Missus with nothin’ but a fine-toothed comb.

With a mission of “Harmony in Medley and Congruity” Show Choir Director Joyella Jenkins felt she had no choice but to cancel the concert. She made a brief, tear-stained statement “We’ve got The Harmony. We love our Medleys. But this is a clear case of incongruity. How can we collectively pine for Bill Bailey, when he is probably at home right now chomping YoGos and watching Biggest Loser?”

Instead of proudly high-steppin’ in their new piano key cummerbunds, the students literally gobbled up their profits—self-medicating by consuming all the intermission bake sale goodies, and much of their lucrative World’s Finest Chocolate Bars. These very treats were supposed to fund their trip to the upcoming State Show Choir Competition.

Newly protruding Adam’s apple a-quiver, young Manny Kaye looked up from his Tollhouse Cookie Bar to garble a chocolatey “Fanks a rot Mr. Bailey. We kin kiss da title buhbye again dis yearrr. You coulda least waited til after State”