Me: Dammit Dexter!
Dexter: Shhhhhhhhhh. Not now, I’m grieving.
Me: Yes, I see your grief all over the daybed. Oh, your grief is pungent my friend.
Dexter: You know, your anger is out of control.
Me: As is the stench here in my office.
Dexter: He left his mark. Here, on the daybed (grand paw swoop indicating pee spot on daybed, dramatic paws [hehe], and finally paw to forehead) it’s all I have left of my Beloved Fur Bastard, and so I must consecrate it every time you spray it away.
Me: Save it for the stage, Lord Barrymore.
Dexter: Reeeowwwrr, biyatch, that’s Drew Barrymore to you! Do’ even start wit me. You want me to keep you up oooll nigh’ long again, Ms. Work Week Widow? Duya?
Me: Your paunch wiggles when you try to snap.
Dexter: (gasp) (cower) Nu-uh. Oh no you di’nt.
Me: Pee on the daybed one more time, and I’ll pee on your pet bed.
Dexter: raises one eyebrow whisker, giggles, guffaws, sashays out of the room, shaking head and giving some serious Cheshire…
Damn cats… they think they rule the … oh hell, who am I kidding.. BOTH of my cas rule this house
Oh man, that’s just not right. I’d be doing more than just a pee on his pet bed…if you know what I’m sayin’.
Could someone tell me how peeing is honoring an memory????
Stupid felines!!! Don’t they know they have to send flowers?????
You should march right over to the cat and say, “Dexter! You stop peeing, or I’ll give you something to pee about!”
I don’t know what means exactly, but it’s all in the tone of voice that sells it.
Oh my god here’s another one I’ll have to forward (I got a lot of mileage from your dialogue w/ Fur Bastard). Too flippin’ funny!
I love Dexter. :)) Purrrrrrr
Poor grieving Dexter…though I feel your pain on the peeing, Max is the culprit in our house….
In all the times my dog pooped in our house, I never once thought to poop in her bed. Brilliant.
anothe reason to not get a cat. I get a lot of those reasons from you ir should I say Dexter
That cat is one tough adversary. I would lose my shit if something peed on a bed in my house (outside of kids overnight). I don’t know how you stay this calm.
Hilarious! That explains why I am a dog lover – even when sick, he still asks to go outside and would never dream of leaving a little message on the floor… or day bed!
I think I own your cat’s sister.
Only it’s puke and MY bed.
I’m starting to have pound fantasties.
Good luck.
Cats?
Who knew???
Not only human potty training, but now feline incontinence, Ye Gods, you have got it bad!!
Oh Ann…Chester and Luna want to move in with you!
Great puss post! 🙂
The best cat post I’ve read . . . thanks!
Wow! Even Dexter’s scared of you, Ann!
And that’s my argument for having a dog.
This is why I’m afraid of cats. They know more than I know. Now that I’ve confessed, I guess I can admit that I don’t know much.
I’d say Queenie thing’s your bluffing. Do it, Ann. Do it.