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Playmobile 911


    BreakerBreaker we have a hairless acrobat trapped inside the utility storage compartment over here in the Camper Van. Someone shoved a baby guinea pig and dirtbike handlebars into her headchamber, but she’s still got a full tub of popcorn in her hand. I think she’s gonna make it. Do you read me?

    Copy that. Mobile1. Requesting patience, as we’ve got a serious situation here in the circus tent involving a pterodactyl, the trapeze, and what looks to be Mother Hubbard with a rifle in her baby sling. Requesting backup.

    BreakerBreaker this may be a serial situation as the stow-and-go seems to contain numerous hair scalps including two ponytails, a turban, and fortheloveof Pete– a bowl cut. We’re not going anywhere soon. I’ll call Safari/Ranger Dude and see if he can come over on the jeep. Last I saw the vehicle, Pharoah and his buddies had stripped the thing and had it up on blocks in the Pyramid. But I bet she still motors just fine. If you see any hairless patrons, send them our way. Copy?

    Mobile 1! Mobile 1! We may have a hostage situation. Mother Hubbard refuses to dismount the flying trapeze, and has her sight aimed at the saxophone-wielding circus monkey. She’s demanding the orange juice and sardine tin from the RV as well as the adult-sized dirt bike. Pterodactyl is losing his grip on her ankles, and noway nohow that mini rake and dustpan is gonna handle this kind of mess, should this thing blow up.

    BreakerBreaker, Tell Mother Hubbard we just checked the cooler. Those tiny foodstuffs likely went straight down the heating vent by way of some chubby little fingers months ago. Tell her the ambulance is on the way containing the IV–which doubles as a Caprisun or a Pina Colada, depending on the plot line. Talk her down Mobile 1! You can do it. She’s probably just desperate for some alone time—what with only a rocker to sit in, a fussy baby in an hideous canopy-crib to entertain her, and a huge purple bonnet strapped to her head. Tell her if she puts down the rifle, we’ll give her the keys to the RV no questions asked. And for god’s sakes, tell pterodactyl to put a sock in it. We’ll bring him a handful of baby chicks from the farmhouse, just as soon as we can snap these hairdos on their rightful owners.

    Thanks, Mobile 1. But we’ve got much bigger problems. It’s the last Monday of the month, and Mommy is on her “Clean up for the Cleaners” mission. Tell all your people to assume the position, as those flailing arms are about to swoop in and sweep up. The way this lunatic cleans, there are likely to be many casualties.

    Breaker Breaker. Copy that old buddy, and warn all units: Beware the Dyson. BEWARE THE DYSON. 10-4.

    0 thoughts on “Playmobile 911”

    1. Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub

      HaHa! All my playmobil has been corralled into a storage box that has been stored in an unknown location.

      Yes, I have forgotten where I put the box. ARGH! The playmobil pirates continue to surface in throughout the house, though. Even overseas.

      Over and out, Dyson-Pusher!

    5. Deb

      this is so funny, ann. and i know usually i try to offer a glimpse of hope, as a mom of two boys who are almost out the door, however, if you were to go down to my basement at this very moment, you would encounter an elaborate scene much like the one you describe. and i enable it since i don’t want to throw out the $125,000,000,000 i have probably spent on all of that crap.

    6. txmomof3

      This is so great. You could sell this entry to Disney for ToyStory 3 except that it’s too good.
      Thanks for making me laugh (and on a Monday morning! YES).

    7. MommaKiss

      The Dyson is the only weapon in my arsenal…as in “pick up your bat club guys or I’m going to vacuum them up!” Boy, do they scurry.

      Fear the Dyson!

      love this, made me giggle!!

    11. Miss Grace

      This isn’t necessarily related, but my brain doesn’t like to make clear connections, so!

      Gabriel is play mobile obsessed, and we get a lot of ours thrifted, cuz they’re the kind of toys that come in big bags at the thrift center.

      My favorite guy we have: He’s wearing an open vest that says ‘heavy metal’ on the back, with red chest hair painted on. Wrist brace thingies, tribal arm bands, studded pants, high healed boots, chin length hair.
      I would PAY MONEY to see the set he originally came with.
      Plus my sister paired him with a cello, and has him sleeping on the pull out couch at the play mobile dollhouse at my parents’ house. “That’s where he crashes sometimes.”

    19. LucyCooper

      My little dude has always preferred to take his toys apart with a screwdriver rather than actually play with them. So, we never graduated to Playmobil from those stubby Little People figurines. Michael and Sonya Lee’s battery operated roundabout and village was experimented on, torn apart, and then left for good, like a nuclear testing site.

    24. Joanna Jenkins

      OMG, I am laughing out loud!

      “Tell all your people to assume the position, as those flailing arms are about to swoop in and sweep up.” You just described me! Ha!

      It’s a pleasure reading your posts Ann 🙂

      jj

    28. MillerThis

      You should know I never comment on blogs anymore, or even really venture off twitter for that matter, but I had to read this out loud. What very little composure I had left completely melted away when I hit “tell pterodactyl to put a sock in it.”

      My husband thinks I’m a dork. Good thing I don’t care abt that and just think you’re a bloody genius.

    31. SoccerMOM

      These toys “play mobile” don’t really say these things do they? I mean that’s kinda kinky for a small child to hear “Assume the position” out of their toy.