Find out everything you need to know before the big day. Remember the time you offered Little LuLu LaRoo goldfish crackers and she chided you for snacking between meals? How about the DoodleBops fiasco, when Mini Micky Jagster suggested that children’s musicians “dumb down society’s musical intellect, pandering to the preschool set” And who can forget Poor Parched Patsy Prune who refused to drink water when you couldn’t provide proper documentation that the Britta filter was BPA-free, yet still capable of providing filtered and fluoridated fresh water? With our Gold Level membership, Patsy’s PlayDate.com Profile would inform you of her preference for room temperature water over refrigerated—“so as not to shock the system.”
Enjoy a free 30-day trial including our limited-time PlayDateMate Profiling Plus! Create your child’s ideal playmate selecting from over 100 categories including:
Age
Gender
nose-picker/non
pushy/pushover
political affiliation
medicated/non
weaponry proficient/non
alpha female/non
interests
food allergies
color allergies
talents
language proficiency
potty proficiency
vocal decibel range
klepto/non
respects authority/satan-child
emotionally intelligent/stunted
Why just look at the apple when you can judge the whole tree? Upgrade to our Platinum Level and recieve PlayMate Parent Profiling! Won’t you feel good ensuring quality friend stock for your child, getting a little peek at their new buddy’s family medical history, federal income tax returns, genealogy/blood lines and sample video surveillance footage? Worry not, we screen for juvee and adult criminal backgrounds!
this was hysterical and I had such a good time reading it. Thank you for this.
I can be the playground monitor, yeah? And does the playground have a bar?
Remember when we were young and it was OK to drink water from the tap! Ahhh…the good ol’ days! Last night, my sister said she clearly remembered my mom screaming out to my dad, “Bob, Connie’s eating worms again. I can’t deal with it this time…you go!”
You’re hilarious!! 🙂
You got me at potty proficiency!!!
I really think you have got something here!!! Prescreen all your children’s prospective colleagues at PlayDate.com. HAHA!! Colleagues!! This is classic. I love it!!! It’s making me wish i had kids. Well perhaps i should get moving on that and get me some kids??
Happy Hump Day girlie!!!
ha! ha! There aren’t opening for the undercover positions, by any chance? 😉
I am totally signing up for this. Hysterical! Thank you.
Sign me up! Do you also screen for kids who will spill all their parent’s secrets? Those are my favorite kind of play dates.
That’s hilarious! I’m in! I just wish it would extend to the elementary set. Now that my girls are in grade school, I no longer get to cherry pick who they play with & it’s HORRIBLE! I don’t mind the kids with food allergies per se — but having their parents hang around for parties and playdates when they are first graders, is annoying as hell!
See, I’m not sure I’m a fan. While I’d love to USE the service, one would expect some reciprocation in registering my child on the service. That would pretty much end any/all future potential play dates.
Ann, stop the madness!
I was at a party the other day and found myself as the only adult downstairs with all the kids (I was watching my own kid). The shit people let their kids get away with amazes me. They were like little banshees.
are there “A” list kids and “B” list kids? Can you bribe someone to move up the play date food chain?
Inquiring minds want to know…
Oh my word – you are a riot! I am so glad to find you.
Ryan, Thanks! Your website is beautiful, by the way. Go Gabba Gabba!
Braja, your sounding more and more like someone who drinks…
Simplicity? Worms??? Protein, I guess. Thanks, Doll!
Michelle go forth and procreate, then. Go…
Barrie, thanks for visiting my blog and yes. Are you toddler-size?
Marinka, you’re welcome.
Kirsten, I believe we can work that in somehow. I haven’t encountered that one yet 🙂
Adlibby, no doubt. DROP OFF!
Lyndsay, hmmm you’ve found an Achilles Heel.
KMC, Sorry about that, I swore my husband was down there with you.
Julia, can you and Lyndsay get together and work this stuff out? Thanks so much.
Debbie, thanks so much! I’m coming over to your place shortly to say hello.
No wonder I was never accepted into any playgroups – After further investigation, I must have been placed on the “person’s of interest” page.
This is great. And, I can totally relate. Do you know how hard it is to kick someone out of a playgroup? 🙂
I want to buy this and I don’t even have young children. You should be in advertising! So funny!
I remember liking the kids better than the moms. Or vice versa. Never a total win win.
hahahaha!! I love this!!
Lisa, maybe you can file a class action suit
Michele, as hard as kicking them out of a book club?
Beth, Thanks!
Goddess, its like dating couples
Tova, Gracias Chica!