Elevator Pitch: From long to short, from head to toe: MY LIFE OF HAIR, MY HAIRSTORY!
Target Audience: All humans with hair. Or humans who once had hair and can relate to hair. Especially Keisha Knight-Pulliam.
Competitive: No one has previously written about my hair. This is the premiere narrative exploration of my hairstory. Books have been written on hair (Rapunzel and her weave), but this is the first-ever account of MY HAIR.
Platform: I am widely known for tweeting about my bangs. I have also interwoven pop culture icons into my hair-tweets (Rod Stewart, Joan Jett, Pam Dauber, Nancy McKeon) making me the premier Twitter-er of my specific compelling Hair tale.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
Chapter 1: 6 pounds, 13 ounces OF HAIR
Chapter 2: The Battle of Snarly Gnarly: Half a bottle of conditioner, one small girl.
Chapter 3: Under the bubble dryer the acoustics are excellent!
Chapter 4: From Muppet Fraggle to Dorthy Hamill: Off with her braids!
Chapter 5: Third Grade: If you perm it, They will laugh
Chapter 6: Tales of a Fourth Grade Mary Lou Retton
Chapter 7: Wedges should only be Iceberg
Chapter 8: ORANGE: When Sun-In fails, Sit under a heat lamp for two hours slathered in crème developer prompting an excruciating hallway inquiry from your caring sixth grade teacher regarding your self-esteem
Chapter 9: From Nair to Laser: Me and Rudy Huxtible
Chapter 10: Long and longer: My hair, my ego
Chapter 11: Flippin’: Excuse me as my hair wave crests onto your desk.
Chapter 12: Get that pony tail higher and tighter (Pebbles couldn’t blink either)
Chapter 13: The bob years: Hours of roll-brushing, loss of peripheral vision
Chapter 14: My 25-year-old Boy-cut gone wrong (or PTA far too soon)
Chapter 15: Long and Natural, I won’t extrapolate
Chapter 16: Post Baby Shag, the dirtier the prettier
Chapter 17: Bangs: Those tricky bastards
Chapter 18: Platinum PageBoy: The Follicles of my Future
Sample Chapters available upon request
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LISTEN TO YOUR MOTHER Readers have been selected. Congratulations to the cast and my heartfelt thanks to everyone who auditioned. The level of talent at auditions blew Darcy (stage manager) and I away. Each person brought such beauty and grace to the room, and helped me shape my vision for the show. I am so grateful. I am BEYOND excited. Thank you.
OK, chapter 3 made me “HA!” out loud. Chapter 9 did me in. How I love thee and thy hair, let me count the ways…
So excited for LTYM. Muah!
Every time I start talking about cutting my hair super short, my husband helpfully drags out pictures from my high school days to remind me why cutting my hair will not end well for anyone in the house.
I have naturally curly hair (my name is NOT Sally). I still groaned at #5, and #11-13 had my giggling.
You know what they say here in So Cal, “You’re not getting older, you’re getting blonder.”
God bless highlights.
And you.
Chapter 5, oh Chapter 5. Fool me once.
My mother must have internally cringed every time I asked her to give me one. Yet she would. And I would cry. Every stinkin’ time.
Query question: will there be photos to illustrate each chapter content? Now THAT would guarantee a bestseller.
Sorry, Em snuck in there. I’m having multiple personality issues going on…
Oh…well…you KNOW I’d have to leave a comment if you are writing about your hair! How long is it that I have practically worshipped your hair? You have amazing hair…very lucky in locks you are! 🙂
Sounds like you had a super weekend with lots of fun at the auditions! You are amazing…just amazing…
🙂
You could develop it into a Broadway show – Hair and Hairspray are so overdone already. Someone hairy like, Nia Vardalos, could play the lead. I’ll do backup vocals with a recreation of my 3rd grade perm (they did laugh).
http://www.imgonnakillhim.com
Oh for the days of ponytails and “chinese eyes.” And Lulu sideburns.
Oh my garage, I still say I have “fraggle” hair. Those new hairs that come in and you can see them wavin all crazy like in the sun. Nothing, not even spit or the best spray can tame those wiley lil monsters!
Love it – if I ever win the lottery I plan on getting someone to wash and blow dry my hair for me so that I never have to bother with trying to deal with it myself. Which is always such a waste of time as however hard I try it still looks like a complete mess. Now my poor daughter is suffering too, being the only child who turns up at preschool with a birds nest “do” as I am unable to figure out what to do with her naturally curly hair that she refuses to let me brush!
Oh, could I add appendages to those chapters.
Brilliant post!
I just can’t resist: Ch. 7: My head had DelMonte stamped on it.
Ch. 12: aka the cheapest facelift in town for all the mommy cougars.
Ch 13: did my peripheral vision in, and went 2 steps worse on the contact lens prescription.
Ch. 14: and my hair cut says I don’t care if I ever have sex again.
You bring out the creativeness in anyone!
We could do a Tale of Two Head of Hair. When I cut my hair really short I looked like a gym teacher.And do you ever get hair-aches? I do. You would make a stunning platinum!
i laughed, i cried, i related…..
book award material, fo sho!
Oh, number 8. Number 8, number 8, number 8….
I had the perm. I had the wedge. Sadly, they were at the same time.
This is only brilliant!
Hold on…I think someone wrote a musical about this. Or maybe it was about the Vietnam war… Either way, everyone was naked – so there was a lot of hair involved.
I love “PTA far too soon” That’s how I felt about my ass when I was 25.
Now you got me craving for potato wedges. I am SO having those for lunch.
Also, my head itches from all the hair references.
I just about died at the “loss of peripheral vision”. I want sample chapters, please! All of them.
Mine would be:
Chapter 1: A Mullet is Born
Chapter 2: Thanks a lot, grunge movement.
Chapter 3: Rogaine. Does it really work?
It’s a picture book.
I told my hair about your book and she’s very excited to read it.
I wake in the morning many days to find out she went to a party without me. I try not to be resentful. But that’s a problem for another day.
Congrats!!!
Har!
This is “shear” genius.
*snort*
And congrats on casting your show!
😀 A.
Love this. I would have a chapter called, “Sweet 16 is not the time to get an asymetrical haircut if you want boys to like you.”
Love the line about the perm. That was my 8th grade.
All right, look. You can write your book on your hair and I won’t sue you, BUT! Just remember whose idea it was to create a Facebook fan page for her hair. She just hasn’t done it yet.
I don’t need to read it, I lived every.single.chapter!
My chapter 16 would be: Post-baby Hair: More of it in the drain than on my head.
Sadly, it’s never been the same after Hayden was born.
Oh, Ann. How I love you.
Hair today, gone tomorrow. The joys of being male.
My hair is stuck in Chapter 8. ORANGE. Only this time it wasn’t sun-in (though it has been in the past).
This time it’s ORANGE: when you decide to stop dying your hair red. Cold turkey.
OMG – this is fantastic! Can I buy the movie rights to your book? I’ll call it “Hair! The Musical”.
Oh, wait…
Well, crap. Kate beat me to it. Forget my lame comment above, then.
I heard Random House was looking for a project just like this, but preferably from a blond.
You’re a hilarious genius. Also, I may never forgive you for not living where I live because I want to see your show so badly.
So you know how I told you earlier that I’ve had a shit day? Well I’m sitting here on my computer with the Bean next to me watching TV, when all of a sudden he leans over and puts his finger on my mouth and tries to force it in. And I (of course) say “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?” and he smiles and shows me something on his finger and says “YOU SHOULD EAT IT MOMMY” and I say “WHAT IS IT, A BOOGER?!?!?” totally grossed out (of course) and he says “NO IT’S POOP.”
Kind of brings the “shit day” I’ve been having to a whole new, very special kind of level, don’t you think?
Bright side? My hair looks FABULOUS.
I want the illustrated version of this post/book. 🙂
Hi Ann, I just wanted to let you know that I have a little something for you over at my place when you get a chance to visit.
OMG, I love you. I have great hair for an older person. How can I audition to be your friend? Shall I submit a picture? molly
“Wedges should only be Iceberg” Been there, done that, unfortunately.
You continue to crack me up. This is hysterical Ann.
Cheers,
jj