Motivational Pooper

Always searching for the good scissors? Tired of Tupperware falling on your head every time you open the cupboard? Need a little organizational motivation? Forget hiring a professional, and find yourself a pooper.

Last week potty training stormed in, and blew me a surge of organizational energy unparalleled since my days of pregnancy nesting. I’ve sorted toys. I’ve reorganized closets, and delivered bins full of hand-me-overs to friends. I’ve even tackled the unused spiced drawer! Correction; I’ve mentally tackled the unused spice drawer.

Husband witnessed my transformation into the Tasmanian Dirt Devil, as I feverishly sorted Duplos from Legos, and matched each Little Person to his or her proper domain. Usually the king of surface clearing, he happily obliged my sorting spasm, mouth slightly agape in wonderment. Why now? Why go fight the barrel of monkeys in the Rubbermaid bunker on such a glorious spring day?

POOP! Poop I tell you.

TwopointFive, he’s doing great. But “great” after week one of potty boot camp suggests perhaps a 70/30 success ratio. Why the Winnie-the-pooh, must the lackluster 30 prove so dirty? And why, aren’t those sordid solids more…solid? Alas, alack, how can one teeny body hold so much?

My motives are so transparent. MAKE ORDER! Control the out-of-control. Subvert the barely containable frustration into a productive cleaning operation. Never has assigning magic marker to coordinating cap felt so gratifying.

Trust me on this one. Hate kids? No problem. Pick up a new puppy! Doesn’t have to be human, it just has to poop. You’ll find yourself cleaning and organizing like never before. Don’t thank me, thank my motivational pooper!