I’ve managed to raise two children who despise macaroni & cheese. Before you praise my or my children’s talented & gifted palate, please understand that cheese makes my children gag.
I KNOW, RIGHT?
I’m pretty sure this post ends up on Wisconsin’s Banned Blogpost List.
6 had a mild dairy intolerance as a baby, so we had to brainwash him clear of all milk products until age 3. Apparently this was my one effective parental moment, because 6 holds strong anti-dairy sentiments today. He’s fully Stockholmed, and has taken young 3 as his pledge. With one exception; ice cream.
But lately Three became curious about cheese, and prompted my own macaroni and cheese recidivism. I’ve been off the mac since my twenties, but this powdered cheese resurgence begs the question: When does use qualify as abuse?
Answer the following questions:
1. When Three takes a sudden interest in Mac & Cheese at the grocery story do I:
A) Ask him if he’s ever tried it, since you know he doesn’t like cheese–like the individually wrapped cheese sticks he wanted and you ate, and the pretty cheese cutouts he wanted and you ate, and the prior two boxes of Mac & Cheese he asked for and you ate as fast as possible before Husband could get his grubby little hands all over it.
B) Buy one box as a test, then buy three more boxes the next three subsequent shopping trips, despite the fact that his total consumption equals 4 single macs.
C) Buy six boxes, juggle three of them in celebration, and sing “Cheese Glorious Cheese” in your best Oliver Twist/1980s TV jingle/Pavarotti voice in the aisle?
2. What have I eaten for the last three-and-a-half consecutive meals?
A) Vermont Cheddar mac & cheese
B) Back to basic mac & cheese morning edition
C) Back to basic mac & cheese it’s 4:00 tea time edition
D) Back to basic mac & cheese white glove service
3. What happens with leftover mac&cheese
A) It goes in the trash, obviously
B) I visit it periodically to determine elaborate cheese-density over time equation, factoring in temperature and number of hours sitting at my computer talking myself out of mac&cheese visits.
C) Leftover? What is dis “Leftovah” of which you speak?
4. How do I feel after eating three consecutive meals of mac&cheese. Hypothetically speaking?
A) Shamed.
B) Quick-set cement.
C) “Ann is away from the phone right now, please leave a message and she will get back to you and answer these questions completely truthfully when she returns from Boston Market”
I don’t think I know how to cook anything without cheese.
How? What?
I make a delightful Mac and Cheese. Come on over!
Forget your blog being banned in Wisconsin, the movers are at your door right now.
No cheese? GET OUT! I’ll visit you in your Corn Filled/No Cheese Iowa home real soon. Promise.
My girls don’t love cheese either but somehow they haven’t made the connection that mac and cheese has cheese in it. We can’t all be geniuses.
I’m half French. I don’t think I need to say anything more.
Failure to include cheese in your diet will result in your being refused re-admittance into Wisconsin.
Hmm…
Pearl
Boston Market is a gateway drug. Next step, nuking Cheez Whiz so you can suck through a straw.
But the question is – does this cheese aversion apply to fried curds? I have never actually had them but saw them on that Wurst Mothers film way back when and I’ve been kind of obsessed with wanting to try them ever since.
My oldest son could eat a brick of cheese. He lives on cheese. If you are what you eat, he’s… Okay – so no cheese aversions there. BUT he won’t eat noodles – so no mac & cheese for him. My other two like it but I have no problem resisting the chalky little orange elbows. Bleh!
Uncool is right, you know. No more for me, I’m driving! (but I remember the days of chugging canned spray cheese and mainlining crackers…)
Extra sharp white cheddar. Mmmmmmmmm
I love cheese. All cheese. Any cheese.
Wait, I take that back. Once my dear wife, who knows how I love the stuff, brought home some white cheddar that was flavored with lilac. That wasn’t good. I was eating perfume-flavored cheese.
Other than that, I’m in.
Saboteur! Yah, way to rain shame on Wisconsin dere.
This is what I would do if I were close to you, in physical geography (now don’t get so excited)
I would make for you, what I make in our catering kitchen here in Cedarburg.
Our pan of “Mac and Cheese if you please” that sells for $65.00 a pan. Made with 4 cheeses, and baked to golden, bubbly perfection.
And I would give it to you, just give it to you. With the only promise being you’d share with Uncle Russ.
Oh i’m so glad i’ve never crossed over to the mac & cheese dark side – it’s sounds more addicting than I’m capable of avoiding. I am however, eating movie popcorn for breakfast so don’t think it has anything to with being healthy.
My son is a mac and cheese connoisseur. If I read this post to him, he would weep large florescent orange tears that smelled suspiciously like Velveeta. I will refrain. I beg your patience and understanding.
Obviously, I meant “fluorescent”. But Velveeta does have a flowery scent. If you leave it out for too long, that is.
What’s wrong with those children of yours? It’s not your fault, probably.
Cheese, glorious cheese! I would pay good money to see you sing that. But you do realize the Wisconsin Cheese Police will be at your door any minute. Your kids will see the light in due time. Or in their college dorm.
I eat my son’s mac ‘n cheese once a week. I have no self-control. Nor do I want any self-control. That little bright orange powder packet is irresistible.
My 2 year old poops once a week. Sometimes even less. Still, though, the only food he will allow passed his lips is mac and cheese. Don’t think he can be fooled by slipping in some spinach or broccoli. Today is day 6 of the poop fast, just so you know.
I am
A horrified
B hungry
C both
at the vivid image of the mac n cheese congealed on the kids’ plates. It’s Annie’s so I think it counts as health food.
The problem is that they have never eaten my grandma’s mac and cheese, which was made with a sauce that actually started with a roux and then contained copious amounts of real cheese that she had to grate by hand. Now THAT is a dish that is unrejectable. On the other hand, never having served that to your kids, you have successfully resisted the need to grate cheese till your knuckles bleed (which they always, inadvertently, do) at least once a week. So I call this: E) a win for you.
This is the most disturbing blog post I have ever read.
My kids like it, but only with half cheese. Meaning I pour only half of the powdered ‘cheese’ over the noodles. Somehow that makes me feel like I’m an okay mother when I serve it to them. It’s gross stuff. Who can understand its power?
If I didn’t eat mac and cheese as a kid, I’d have starved. Who knew there was a choice 🙂
xo jj
Wait wait, is this version of the mac gluten free? Because if so then it’s practically a health food…right?
You crack me up. Quick set cement, eh? I bet.
I used to be able an entire box of the Kraft stuff. Now? Nauseates me. However, that is the ONLY time I won’t eat it. My kid is “normal’ loves the stuff. However, will not eat peanut butter and jelly. Okay, she’s is a freak. Oh well.
Someone should report you. This is disturbing, as a mother.
sometimes I think your labels are as funny as the posts themselves…
I’m sitting with your mother in Sorrento, Italy, enjoying your stories about motherhood. If you have any time to cook, visit my blog at http://www.cookthepart.wordpress.com
Ciao!
Karin Eastham
A day without cheese? What’s that?
I have to fight my boys for the mac and cheese!