Flip Your Puzzle Piece #30BrighterDays

In graduate school,  Mary Jo Barrett introduced me to the concept of vulnerability and resilience as two sides of the same puzzle piece.

I almost went digging through boxes in the basement to see if I could locate the actual worksheet, but you and I both know that after 90 minutes of excavation I’d be sitting in a sad pile of empty CD cases, old VHS tapes, and kindergarten hand print art (sniff).

To sum it up, if you make a list of all your own least favorite traits– we’ll call those your vulnerabilities– that same list correlates directly to your strengths; your resilience.

For some of us humans– especially women, especially parents–we scroll through these vulnerabilities daily like an endless ticker loop listing ways we feel not enough or too much. In fact, we grow so used to the list it can become a negative feedback loop–like muzak; always playing and wreaking havoc with nasty toe-tapping or unpleasant elevator singing–often when we aren’t even aware of it.

One minute you’re standing in the greeting card section wondering when greeting cards became $5.00 apiece, the next minute you’re perseverating on your relationship with the person you’re card-shopping for all the while singing Old McAnn-old had a brain that used to remember everyone’s birthdays. And on those birthdays she sent cards and gifts– with a thank you note here! and a holiday card there! Nieces and nephews and friends and inlaws! AND THEN SHE BECAME A MOM AND IT ALL WENT TO HELL, EIEIOhhhcrappp.

Lately when I hear me deriding myself, I try to take a moment and to look for the resilience side of the puzzle-piece.  If nothing else, it’s a fun distraction from self-flagellation. For example:

Overly sensitive/highly compassionate

indecisive/sees value everywhere

naive/optimistic

too forgiving/open-hearted

scatter-brained/wholeheartedly (over) committed

forgets name of close friends and family/knows too many people on the internet

impatient/excited for what’s next

poor taste in music/in love with silence

tired and grouchy/works hard (and go take a nap, lady)

perfectionist/ambitious

self-critical/self-aware

jealous/human

talks too much/passionate participator

overprotective/present and aware

fears conflict/promotes peace

becoming a hermit/improving boundary setting

blunt/honest

afraid of loss/immersed in love

 

 

Listen, it’s not always a one-to-one comparison. Some of you dear word nerds might notice these aren’t exactly antonyms. Also, all that area in the middle? The space where you flip your piece? That’s room for growth. I can accept my vulnerability fears conflict more easily when I name my resilience promotes peace, therefore giving myself enough grace to learn that conflict can serve a necessary step in building peace. My perfectionism vulnerability correlates with my super-sized resilient ambition, and daily practice helps me find that happy flip. In other words, without one we likely wouldn’t have the other and the sweet spot lies in finding love or at least acceptance for both traits within ourselves.

I think this exercise holds value as a thought disrupter, an anxiety-to-curiosity re-router, and a mood brightener.

This post is part of #30BrighterDays; a thing I made up to brighten each day of November