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Crossing Over

    I’m changing.

    Remember John Edward the “Crossing Over” TV psychic? He can communicate with people on the other side.

    I’m seeing an A, rhymes with Stan. Did you have a brother or sister figure that crossed over? I’m seeing someone on your same level, to your right–that means sibling or a tea party activist. No? Does your name start with a vowel? UuuOOOhhAhhh– Ann? Yes Ann! But this is a different Ann who no longer exists. I see a woman trailing breast pads in her wake, dropping cookie crumbs on the head of her three-month-sized newborn. She has enormous bazooms and wears a stuffed cushion around her waist named “Boppy…”

    That was “young mom” Ann in 2006. I had a two-year-old and a 10 lb newborn that breast-fed every 1 ½ hours. I ate Christmas cookies constantly that Hanukkah, and still lost 22 lbs in two weeks. And that was just the right boob.

    In my early 20s when I auditioned for tv commercials and print ads, “young mom” called for a perky 23-year-old with bobbed-hair, wearing khaki pants and a blue button-down. In hindsight, khaki and blue defined the late 90s—the very same outfit made up the Blockbuster Video employee uniform, and clothed most of corporate Chicago for casual Friday.

    Just to avoid any confusion, the young mom I’m referring to involves a real woman with at least one real infant, wearing jeans, a nursing bra, and a t-shirt–the one she fell asleep in last night—over her head and half her chest. Rather than bouncy Prell hair, this young mom sports unintentional dreadlocks.


    “Young mom,” no children



    Mom, children

    I’m crossing over.

    I’m crossing over from the catatonia of young motherhood. I now bid young mom Ann a high-five and goodbye. Of course parenting still exhausts me, but I also feel this inertia.

    For the first time since becoming a mother I feel driven by passions other than motherhood. I want a career again. I want an income. Once rapt by a 50-minute monologue of who cried (both of you), who ate and how much (the baby refused, you can’t stop), and who pooped when (and how much is normal), I prefer the 2-minute audition version.

    I am changing, and I am starting not to feel guilty about it. I am also starting not to feel totally incoherent all the time. Let those last two sentences serve as shining examples.

    Today I want to talk about writing. I want to talk about reaching goals, building careers, and pursuing dreams. I want to contribute to a community beyond my living room. While the playground served as my social scene for a few years, now it looks more like a bunch of small people and motion sickness. I’m still love chatting with a friend, but finding an empty bench in the shade with my notebook? BUENO.

    Young mom Ann crossed over from stay-at-home-mom to stay-at-home-humorist. And now I want to get paid. And write a book. And write a column. And grow my show. And love my family. All.


    0 thoughts on “Crossing Over”

    1. The Empress

      Hells, yeah! can you see my fist pumping up and down in the air!

      I hear ya, Ann.

      There is a wonderful sentence in a book that I loved reading, by one of my favorite authors, Christie Mellor. I enjoy all her books, but she has a line in “you look fine, really” about the wisdom of living the life you have.

      She says, ” I wish I had known that a person actually has to do things to make things happen. I wish I would’ve figured out that I was supposed to take some steps to make these things that I wanted happen.”

      You can do it, all of the things you mentioned. And I’m just seeing know that “the harder I work, the luckier I get.”

      Thank you for this post, to remind me to keep on going….

    3. *mary*

      Ann, I am so proud of you! I watched the video and I have to say you look great (and NOTHING like Screech from Saved By The Bell!) with your BlogHer bangs!

    4. Kate Coveny Hood

      I feel exactly the same way – just a little more aimless and clueless and still in yesterday’s tee shirt. But once full day kindergarten starts in the Fall – I’m fully crossing over! Maybe.

    6. KiKi

      This was really beautiful, Ann. You put so eloquently how so many of us feel as women, mothers, writers, artists, and more….

    10. Anonymous

      While I’m up to my eyeballs in young motherhood (which would be easier if I were a young mother), I look forward to my crossing over days. In the meantime, I look forward to reading all the wonderful things I know you’ll be creating!

    14. Stefanie

      You should give a talk at the first day of kindergarten to those of us that are sending our youngest children. You make us feel good about taking care of our young children and make us feel even better, and not guilty, for wanting to carve more time out of the next part of our lives for us. Thank you!

    15. Jen

      Once again, you nailed it – honesty and humor. Thank you for putting into words what most of us are feeling but too scared to “write” out loud.

    16. Rene/ Not The Rockefellers

      high five girl!
      let’s put on our capes and fly!
      OK, mines not really a cape, it’s a poncho, made out of yarn, crocheted by my Aunt Dot the year of the Bicentennial, were you even born then? anyway…it is red, white and blue.

      Seriously ( yeah, right) I am excited for you, gorgeous girl!

      Peace ~ Rene

    17. Becky

      Oh I loved this! YES! Wow I’m all choked up for some reason… maybe because I’m just THAT proud of you and your honesty. Wonderful wonderful post!

    22. Robin

      I totally feel you! Couldn’t have said it better myself! I’m going to send you some interview questions hopefully this week!
      -R

    23. Fragrant Liar

      Oh yeah, can I get a witness!? Been there, done that, sister, and now in the next phase of life (there are many), I’m doing it again. I’m crossing over too. Good luck with the transformation and enjoy the process. It’s all still good fodder!

    26. Aging Mommy

      You echo my own recent thoughts and feelings – I too feel I am leaving behind that first phase of Motherhood and am increasingly in need of new passions other than Motherhood. Starting a blog was good first step but now I am wondering what next – nothing too time consuming until my daughter is in kindergarten which means another few years but I so want to be ready when that day comes for the next phase of me. Great post, good luck with your own transformation.

    28. Lisa

      We loan ourselves out and then we reclaim ourselves. I know you can will do whatever you set out to do and you’ll do it well.

    29. The Flying Chalupa

      HA! You had a kid who ate every 1-1/2 hours too? And your boobs took up half your body weight? Oh, man, those were the days, huh?
      Yeah, right. Good ridance.

      What a wonderful feeling to have the clarity of mind and the ambition to tackle it all. I can’t wait for that day for myself. If anyone can do it, it’s you! Looking forward to seeing your future successes.

    30. Casey Freeland

      With this blog you have built a wonderful base for a phenomenal writing career. I promise to buy any book you write. And I’ll tell both my friends.

      By the way, I went to see John… twice. It was shocking. I’m a skeptic at heart, and he literally blew me away. Aside from audience plants I could not see any way he could have done what he did.

    31. Anna See

      I love this! I can relate to it so much, and as a former Blockbuster employee (1991-1992), I can relate to the clothing description. I will definitely buy your book. No more boppies or breast pads for me either… and it’s a good thing.

    37. JD at I Do Things

      You inspire me, plain and simple.

      I don’t even have kids, and yet I’m stuck. I need to cross over. I know what I want to cross over TO, I’m just not sure how to get there. But I know I’ll find the way.

    38. Jessica bern

      when I got divorced my daughter was 16months old. Last week she was gone for 2nights in a row b/c she had sleepovers.

      So much has changed. Ann, this post is one of your best and I think reflects so many of us out there who have sacrificed so much and now are ready to move on and find our New selves, “again”. I love you so much and oh my God, is that a tear I feel on my cheek? Damn you. Crying on my birthday….

      big hugs and lots of love.

    41. Jen

      Well it’s about time! Welcome to the other side. The little secret we don’t tell ‘new moms’ is that it’s a lot more fun over here. Woohoo!

    43. becca

      I’m not There yet. Still up to my neck in “young” motherhood but I SO get this and I LOVE how you write about it.
      AND – I finally got around to watching the first 45 minutes of the show (will watch the rest later as Tim has just gotten home!) and WOW. I laughed ( a lot) and cried too. Amazing. Truly Truly amazing. You should be so incredibly proud Ann.

    44. Jana @ An Attitude Adjustment

      Wow. So glad I found your blog today. I love those pictures of you paired back to back–your face is hilarious. I want to do similar things, but I don’t know if I’m quite there to get my butt into action. I guess you have to be ready. Good luck to you!

    46. Amy@Bitchin'WivesClub

      I thought I left a message last week, but I don’t see it now!

      Anyway, I just said that this is one of my favorite things you’ve written, yes, I totally get it, yes, I am crossing over, too. And OMG that picture of you as with the boys is hysterical.

      You’re brilliant, Ann, and I know I will be reading your book someday soon. 🙂

    47. MommyTime

      This is great. I looked like ‘”Young Mom” no Kids’ once — in my dreams. But I can still totally identify with your dream. And now I wish even more than ever that I lived in Madison again (most fun 8 yrs of my life was grad school there). How nice it would be to have a playground buddy like you is more than I can even express.

    48. K A B L O O E Y

      Well, that harried shot isn’t exactly Lange’s Dust Bowl Mom, but your expression IS classic “mommy needs a timeout” iconography. After you get the book and column and touring companies of the show up and running, you think you could host some Tony Robbins-style seminars so I could follow in your wake? Or at least an infomercial for a series of workbooks and DVD’s? Thanking you in advance.

    49. Elizabeth @claritychaos

      Reading this again now, almost a year later, in the process of weaning my 2.5 year old ‘baby’ and marking almost 1.5 years back to work, I get it in a whole new way.

      And you — YOU!! It’s so amazing to look at all you’ve done since writing this post. A draft of your novel, columns, the exponential growth of LTYM… so much. SO MUCH. So proud of you.

    50. melissa

      hell to the yeah.

      i have teenagers and a 7 y/o. i’m in the market for a new life now. one that, for a few hours a day, i can call my own!!