I recently read about Madonna lighting Shabbat candles with Netanyahu, and it made me wonder how much flair she put in her bracha (blessing). Did she harmonize? Did she vogue? Did she try to throw in a few subliminal Shanti-Shanti-Shat-ayay-ohs?
Certain occasions call for normal singing.
Just regular lah-dee-dah voice, akin to whistling. But not that super fancy vibrato-whistling. Murky waters I’m meddling in here.
I’m talking to you, Talented Singers.
I’d rather hear the least tone-talented buddy shout “For He’s A Jolly Good Fellow” than hear a Talented Singer try to find his or her spotlight while -Row-Row-Rowing his or her Boat.
Take Happy Birthday. Happy Birthday should not be scatted, trilled, harmonized or otherwise American Idol-ed. Just sing Happy Birthday, okay? It’s an ensemble piece—the idea is blend. BLEND. Not, check out this high note… toooo YOUUUUU-U-OOOH! (going on well after the rest of the group has ceased singing, and the birthday boy has tears streaming down his face from your having inadvertently blown out his candles)
Another example is Mom-n-tot music classes. I’m as susceptible as the next singer to forgetting myself in the sentimental sway of Oh Shenendoh, but I try to rein it in. I DO! (And I apologize again for my over-zealous rendition of “Everybody Loves Saturday Night” in Swahili AND Chinese. Ren-ren-si-hu-wan-lei-pa-ei-lu, Y’all!) But please, please? Let junior take a stab at “Itsy Bitsy Spider” without your best Judy Garland…Mister.
One small final request. The shower? The Car? HAVE AT IT, BABY! But if I’m in the passenger seat, can we make some effort not to flagrantly mix genres, while pretending normal car-singing behavior?
Pat. I didn’t know where to look when you Julie Andrew-ed all over Salt-N-Pepa in 1994. I had to fake cough and stare intently out the window the entire ride home. How badly I needed to share the unintentional hilarity, you so generously and innocently provided. (Think Sweeny Sisters. Think Will Ferrell and Ana Gastayer as The Culps.)
Especially because you are a boy Pat, and we were playing romantic opposites. There never were sparks—me being the wrong gender and all—but I heard that refrain over and over again when we had to stay lip-locked throughout that entire scene. For thirty performances.
Pooosh it. Puh-Pooosh it rrrrreal good. I said. Yes, I said Poosh it! Complete with awesome thespian diction and a surprisingly light-hearted trill.
Talented Singers? I have one word for you. KARAOKE.
See you there.
We are not going to take it. Oh oh oh No! We are not going to take it. No, no we certainly are not going to take it, any mo-oh-OH-OH-HORRRRE!
Those people? They need bitch-slappin’….
Whistlin’….
xando!
pamho!
tally ho! and woot.
555555555
Okay, so now everyone reading that will think I’m nuts. Thanks a BUNCH, Ann…
Braja, girl…I love it when you whistle..
Worst song to hear a male try to “Star Search”:
Magic Man by Heart..
I’ve been there and it ain’t pretty.
Peace – Rene
I believe Madonna is guest-cantoring at our next Rosh Hashana service.
I NEVER sing in public.I’m completely tone deaf and know better than to subject anyone to my singing. I’ve become quite adept at mouthing the words and pretending to sing.
I’ve always wished I could sing….but I can’t. Better to stick to photography, quilting and writing for my creative outlet 🙂
Too funny. Since I am a singer, I totally get where you’re coming from. Although, I must admit, I’d love to hear Madonna perform at her own Bat Mitzvah!!! She’d probably get a Torah portion with a whole bunch of sex and scandal!
Oh dear…guilty…but I do TRY not to be. Would it help to know that there’s whole bunch of us musical types who hang out together, and we ALL harmonize Happy Birthday? And we usually end up laughing over it??
One of my favorite wedding memories is my friend J – he sang and danced to I Will Survive and it was brilliant!!
I think everyone shold sing if it brings them joy…
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who can’t whistle worth a dang, if that makes up for it)
And can I just put in a word against some of the renditions of the Star Spangled Banner that have popped up recently? For cryin’ out loud Insert Pop Singer Here! It’s a national anthem, not your shot at Platinum!
Pearl
Oh, my god. This is so funny. Thank you for addressing this issue, which has bugged me for as long as I can remember. You see, I used to be a Talented Singer (an enlarged thyroid has taken care of that, however), but I always took great care NOT to sing above the “average” when taking part in “Happy Birthday” or similar group singalongs. The discomfort you described with your friend Pat is EXACTLY how I used to feel with my high school friend, Cindy, who used to sing along to the radio as if she were competing on Star Search. She had a pleasant-enough voice, but I WAS BETTER and I couldn’t help trying to outsing her. Ridiculous.
OMG (to quote an airhead) this made me LOL (to quote an airhead texting). My husband sings Twinkle Twinkle Little Star to the kids like he is auditioning for American Idol. It makes me throw up a little bit in my mouth every time I hear it. Forcing him to read this stat.
I hate birthday singing of any kind. Especially the happy birthday songs they sing in restaurants to avoid copyright infringement. If anyone ever mentions that it’s my birthday at a restaurant, I’m just going to have to kill them!
You know. . . I have a big gripe about all those singers who play with The Star Spangled Banner.
Um…. uh…. yeah, ha ha, uuuuuuuh….
No comment!
(blush)
Does this mean I can’t ever do my Aretha-esque version of “Losing My Religion” for you?
Thanks a lot. NOW what am I going to give you for your birthday?
It embarrasses me profoundly to watch people who really get into their singing and close their eyes and then raise a hand up, like shoulder height, fingertips facing out, like they think they are frigging Mariah Carey. Actually, Mariah Carey embarrasses me too.
I definitely keep my own horrid singing to my shower and my car when no one else is in there with me. That also includes my Spartan cheerleader moves. I save those embarassing chants for my husband and daughter. B/c it’s okay for my family to suffer but the rest of mankind is already dealing with enough crap.
Hi, I’m Elise and I’m a Talented Singer.
You had me at “Did she vogue?” I love this. I have a tone deaf husband (and he’s straight which I consider a major selling point for husbands) – so I don’t have to hear any fancy takes on his classic rock faves. But I have enjoyed my share of vocal flourishes from friends who fancy themselves to be talented singers.
Happy Birthday should never be fancied up – EXCEPT for the grandpas who like to add a little “WAH-WAH WAH-WAAAAAHHHH!” at the end. I think that’s adorable.
I would add that the circum-voca-locutions generally added to the Star Spangled Banner do nothing to make me happy, and generally just show off what a poor singer the exhibitionist really is.
It takes a four octave range to sing it RIGHT. So try it and impress me.
My singing seriously sucks. And I consider it a random act of kindness not to make people listen to it.
When that song first came out.. my BFF’s dad thought it said something about kitties (think dirty name for kitty)
It took us a year to get him to sing it correctly.. now whenever I hear it, I crack up.
I left you some linky love 😉
Ugh…one of my closest friends gets all fancy with EVERY SONG she ever sings EVER. I always have to stifle the giggles around her. Especially in the car.
She’s known for it. It’s not just me. It’s as if she’s practicing for an opera, even when singing I’m a Little Teapot. Or Baby Got Back.
Annoyingly hilarious.
I can’t get fancy. I can’t even trill.
Dammit.
The toddler class thing cracked me up. I don’t trill, but I may have belted a time or two.
I clicked over from Heather’s blog… And this is hysterical. Totally totally right on. Perfect diction, ridiculous harmonizing…I hate all of it in the wrong places. And Push It Real Good had me rolling.