It should surprise no one that twenty minutes into my first BlogHer party I’m offered a complimentary hair removal. AmyBitchin’ was offered a makeover, and I was offered depilation.
Sales Rep: Hi! Would you like to try our sugar hair removal?
[Smooth Away 0, Ann’s Rawley Fingers 1]
Me: Ummm. Now? People are doing this? Will it.. OUCH!
Sales Rep: (massaging my new hairless wrist tattoo) No…it won’t hurt. You are going to LOVE this product. There’s a sample in your swag bag, too.
Me: Just my swag bag? Oh I get it, just the Jew’s swag bags…
Sales Rep: Omegosh, you are so funny. I’m Mormon, but My ex-boyfriend was Jewish and he was so funny. Why are Jewish people always so funny?
Me: I’m going to go ahead and say to discourage people from killing us.
Sales Rep: This is my best friend (indicating other adorable sales rep). She lives down the street from me and she helps me and she used to go out with my husband!
Me: You guys are not helping the stereotype.
Sales Rep: (shock and awe, followed by laughter) First we’re laughing at Jews, now we’re laughing at Mormons.
Me: No worries. I’m for equal-opportunity persecution. I married an ex-Mormon.
This made me wish I was there even more. Oh, to hear this live…
I’m fairly new to the blogging world ( And i’m terminally broke…) So I knew Blogher was out of the question…..
But I keep hearing about these swag bags…….
it brings up a new question…..
Did anyone bring me back one???
have you recovered?
Ha! I love that. And I loved meeting you so very much!
Ha! You are too funny sounds like a great time and you came back with less hair thats always a plus!
SwagBag?
That’s SO celebrity, Hollywood stuff. Do you now have papparazzi following you as well?
🙂
You are hilarious! Wish I could’ve been there to meet you. Oh, and did the sugarless hair thing work too? If you used it? Just wondering!
Where was Christopher Guest?
I wish I could have been there to meet you! Hope you had a great time, you know, besides ripping your fur out.
Welcome home, sugar! Sounds like you started off with a…wince…
Meanwhile…when I was growing up, the word “swag” had an entirely different meaning – we’d take a swag at something if we didn’t know the answer. It meant “Scientific Wild A** Guess”. So now I giggle like a twelve-year-old boy peeking at his first Playboy whenever I hear or see folks saying “swag”. Just thought I’d share that.
Shade and Sweetwater,
K (who is looking forward to hearing all about BlogHer fun and games, since she’ll likely never actually get to GO to one)
Do you think if I ignore all of these BlogHer posts floating around the sphere it will stop the minute-by-minute reminder that I missed it because I couldn’t get my act together and register in time?
I won’t, will it?
You are so pretty and stylish and adorable in person. I’m so glad I met you and forced you to sit through certain sessions with me.
Good swag. Instead of wiping out the Jews..they want to wipe out all hair follicles that exist. Sounds like a blast..I wish I would have gone..maybe next year. My hair follicles have another year to live.
Now if I had been there we could have had a great joke going “A jew, a mormon and a canadian walk into a bar….”
Girl, take advantage! I can use some hair removal over here and you can be sure as Hell no one is going to do it for free!
Sounds like you all had FUN!
Hahaha.. you aren’t only adorable you are so funny!
🙂 Loved meeting you!
waiting for the pictures…..
and you kill me.
Peace – Rene
Oh man! So hilarious. Throw in some comments about politics and you guys would have had a real “no-no” conversation, huh? I’m so glad you recorded this all for us. Oh man…seriously funny stuff.
(Did I just say Oh man twice? I am a total dork.)
Swag bags,wow, I’m impressed. This is a riot.
A Jew married to an ex-Mormon? I’m not even going to TRY to understand that dating scene.
My Jewish husband spends a lot of time shaking his head at his non-theist wife. It works. but only because we both have a sense of humor. I’m guessing that’s how you’ve survived.
Welcome come.
Your picture over at Nanny Goats in Panties is fab 🙂
That was very funny.
Sales reps without the ability to see that personal space/safety bubble we have around us? Yikes! And see – I would struggle with the sugar in the hand scrub. Or is licking it off acceptable?
I am an Italian Catholic. Can I still use the stuff?
I almost peed my pants laughing at this.
I don’t think it’s very enlightened or responsible for my swag gripe to be that I didn’t get offered the sugar wax even though I blogged about desperately needing some just one short week ago. But THAT is some swag I actually could have used.
Damn I hate missing out on all the fun stuff filled with beautiful women 😉
They let JEWS into BLOGHER???
Holy shit!!!
Whistlin’
xoxo5555555!!
Just saw Braja’s comment and about spit out my coffee.. 🙂
Don’t worry! The coffee is safe!
I wish I was there with you for some free Jew hair removal swag. THIS Jew needed it!
(I was on the way back to the hotel with Dee from My Life in a Nutshell and saw a penny on the floor. When she asked if I wanted it, I told her I would not perpetuate the stereotype. Later, when I was counting change, I realized I was 2 cents short of a dollar in loose coins. There is no moral to this story. I know, pathetic, right?)
Many of us shiksas require depilation as well.
“Some of my best friends…”
Bossy usually steers clear of sales reps as a rule, but it sounds like she missed Alllllll the conference fun. By the way, Bossy thinks maybe some of that tartlette is still stuck in her miles of intestine.
Hilarious!
But tell me – did you actually talk about .. you know… blogging and writing or was it all Mormon jokes and hair removal services?
Oh, girlygirl! Glad y’all had fun!~
so that is why I’m always trying to be funny. My life is literally on the line
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I didn’t think that actually happened. I kinda dreamed it up and YO! Wait? There WAS hair removal?
i miss everything.
“I’m going to go ahead and say to keep people from killing us.”
Genius. Jewish Comic Genius. I’m still crushing. Haven’t come down yet. Just so you know.