Becky’s Bloggy Bridesmaids

Dear Princess Becky Mikkimoto,

As one of your self-appointed bloggy bridesmaids, I feel obliged to help foster your union–to twirl my parasol and put my lace gloves all over your momentous day,

And to thank you profusely for not making me do this…

Hi this is Ann of Bridesmaid Past. It is 100 degrees humid in August and I am enjoying the slowest carriage ride in the history of carriage rides. See my burning earlobes? Compliments of the matching bridesmaids earrings no longer pictured. Let me reach for a wad sip of warm Door County cherry wine, while I tear the nylons now embalmed to my legs from beneath this bouffant of purple taffeta and crinoline. SAY CHEESE.

So thank you and…SURPRISE I wrote your vows.

Because, really what bloggy bride can’t use another post in the can? Vows, shmows—who has the time. What, with the onus of checking your registration hourly (ONE face towel? Who buys ONE face towel?!?), all the ogling of your engagement ring while steering (beware the DWE—Driving While Engaged) and incessant trying on of your wedding dress and wedding ring-

BECKY SPY CAM ALERT: BECKY IS SPINNING ROUND AND ROUND IN HER BEDROOM …

Must check on sparkly prettties! Must check on sparkly pretties! Do you read me sparkly pretties? I AM SO SPARKLY PRETTY. TULLE TULLE DIAMONDS TULLE TULLE HEAP ON THE BED.

FROM OUTSIDE THE DOOR: Becky? Hon? Ummm…your son Ben wants to know if you’re ever coming out of there and does he really have to keep his mini tuxedo and spats on for these last three months before the wedding?

So dear Becky–when you’re done spinning–feel free to cut, paste, and pull up these vows on your Blackberry on the big day:

I, HerRoyalMajestyPrincessBeckyMikkimoto, take thee CuteSweetMereMortalMatt, to love and to cherish and even to like most days, in good times and in bad times, in sickness–definitely through the first 24 hours of sickness with only minimal eye-rolling—and in health, I will love and honor and take your crap all the days–those very very long days–of my life, for richer or poorer (but so help me God as a single mom for ten years I’m done with poorer do not ever make me go back there promise you won’t) so long as we both shall live.

And my beloved, we shall live longer together in this blessed union if you’ll kindly:

Sign and address this box of assorted birthday/anniversary/intervention greeting cards to all of your family members.

List three gift ideas you have for our first anniversary. Now, strike the following: Riding mower, Weather radio, Shower shave-n-sip, Video-Console-Recliner-o’Saurus, and any clothing that comes shrink-wrapped in multiples.

and also

DOES ANYONE HERE HAVE ANY OBJECTIONS TO THIS UNION–ANYTHING ELSE I NEED HIM TO PROMISE BEFORE THIS IS LEGAL AND BINDING? SPEAK UP! YES FOR THE LOVE OF MY FIRST ANNIVERSARY AND THE 87 SUBSEQUENT JUBILANT YEARS OF MATRIMONY SPEAK UP AND SAVE ME!

Aunt Mille “Snore strips!”

Grandma Jean “Grocery store maps- top of every aisle!”

Woman way too old to wear a lilac baby-doll dress “Pretending to like When Harry Met Sally for the 1119th time!”

ADD YOURS:”________________________”

Bloggy friends? Please help Becky vow!. Leave a comment suggesting any other disclaimers she should include in these vows, then go visit Becky’s other Bloggy Bridesmaids: BernThis, Hollywood: Where Hot Comes to Die, I Have More Rocks, The Mouthy Housewives, One Crafty Mother, and Smacksy.

Congratulations Becky. I adore you. Blogland adores you. And MATT, Matt adores you!! xoxo SURPRISE!!