Dad: How was your
Me: Fine
Dad: Did you learn anyth
Me: No
Dad: What did you eat fo
Me: Fries
Dad: If you don’t need all of the $2 I give you for lunch you can give some back, haha.
[All Things Considered Intro jingle begins on Nation Public Radio]
Me: Dun Dun Dun Dun, Dun dun dun dun dun,…beedeepbeedeepbedeep. TURN IT OFF!
Dad: Turn it off, please?
Me: Turn it off PLEASEuh. This channel makes me barf.
Dad: Let me hear the headlines..
Me: Why are there so many, sonnngs about rainbows, and what’s on the ahh-ther siiiide..
Dad: Please don’t sing when someone else
Me: is singing. No one is singing. It’s the news.
Dad: Please don’t finish my
Me: sentences.
Dad: Knock it off.
Me. FINEah. (sotto voce) Be. Aggressive. Got to be Aggressive. That’s B-E-A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E. Be. Aggessive. Got to be
Dad: Ann!
Me: What? I WASN’T SINGINGuh! GODuh!
(silence)
Me: Can I have some gum?
Dad: Sure.
Me: Ewwww Double-Mint. Do you have any Juicy Fruit?
Dad: No.
Me: Can I have it all?
Dad: No.
Dad: Did anything interesting happen at school today? Ann? Get your bare feet off the dashboard. Ann?
Me: Hnncchh shhhhz Hnnnnn ssshhhhhzzz (deep REM, floppy head)
It pretty much goes that way with my kids, except they answer with their heads burried in an I Touch and they headbang to screamo music.
Oh and they HATE Doublemint gum. What’s that about? So gooooood.
Damn, woman, that was GOOOOOOODuh! You nailed the speech pattern! I was 70s teen and if I’d done any of the things you just mentioned, I wouldn’t be alive today. I think I love your dad.
When mine walk in the door, I ask them how school was and they respond with, “Yeah yeah fine fine… we’ll have our snacks now. We’ll be by the pool.”
we don’t have a pool.
REM trumps NPR like rock smashes scissors.
I was cheering right along side of you.
You were such a sweet kid. So was I for that matter. I can’t wait for Ben to become a teenager.
That was one of my favorite cheers of all time. I always liked to hold the R extra long and kind of slur it into the E, for dramatic effect.
Nice.
Oh the days of adding “uh” at the end of every sarcastic word. 🙂
oh I am so afraid of this. I don’t want my boys to ever be like that. I want them to always light up when I walk in the door and think I am the greatest thing ever. It is cruel how you go from being their idol to their nemesis….
I heart your dad and your dad’s daughter.
Doy! (Did you the “doy”?)
xoxo L
Aw! Your dad is a sweetheart. And he’s on McSweeney’s! Gotta go check that out too.
What’s McSweeney’s?
This whole post makes me want to apologize to my mom.
Went to McSweeney’s. Now craving bologna. Love your dad. Is he single? How does he feel about redhead recovering Caatholics? I could be your step-mom. Be very afraid.
Heh. Can I have it all?
That actually makes me think of my sister. She’d still say that to me today.
Oh, I still feel like saying “duh” after every word. Can’t now…people would talk. But, boy, do I ever feel like it….great post!!!
Teenagers, love teenagers. I have lived through four of them….barely.
Is there an emoticon for eye rolling? As a teenager, I was subtle with my disgust for all things “parent.”
That was so sweet. Kinda makes me cringe about the way I used to treat my parents. I hope my sons grow up with a sense of humor and aren’t afraid to talk back (in a good way). It’s more fun when you can be a smart ass right? They’re only 2 & 4 now, so we have quite a while to plant the seeds. This was such a fun post. Thank you!
I was so cruel to my parents and it’s all coming to bite me in the arse. Crap.
GODuh! Loved that. My kids do it now. Is it something we are born with? How does this ability to annoy our parents continue and persist?
Your gift for dialogue is second only to your ability to forever link Bologna, sheet tents and Seder in my mind. Fondly, an ’80’s Lutheran who longed to be a Jew. Cheers!
Yeah. I deserve all I get from my kids.
I was totally creeped out by shows on NPR when I was a kid. I never got why anyone would want to listen to anything other than music on the radio. What’s the point. Jeesh. That was my word as a teenager. I cannot say it without cringing now.