When I had my first baby I felt as though I’d plucked his name directly from the heavens. I chose his name not from a baby book, but from a kid in a rare piece of cinema entitled ET someplace clearly divine. Still, on the occasion I encountered another child with his name—his name—I visibly winced. How dare they infringe on my son’s obscure Spielberg birthright?
By the time my second son entered the scene, not only did I give him a popular name—it didn’t matter because I couldn’t place it half the time anyway. Or him, for that matter. I distinctly remember bringing both boys to the public library shortly after my younger son’s birth, placing his carseat under the table, and promptly forgetting all about him for what seemed like 45 minutes (surely no more than 37). I gazed upon my 3-year-old tag-teaming grimy rubber ABC’s with a toddler, and as I applauded their spelling of PHRAGYULOINK, my foot grazed something that gave a little rocking motion in response. I looked down and thought Hmm. Baby by my boot. Not cool baby, not cool…OH. MY BABY! BY MY BOOT! He slept on, as did my brain for the next few years.
The baby days now bygone, I’d like to introduce Me Then (1st Kid) to Me Now (2nd Kid).
1st Kid: No candy. Candy uckee!
2nd Kid: No candy until after breakfast. And Milky Way, por favor.
1st Kid: My baby sleeps best in my arms.
2nd Kid: My baby sleeps best in his own mother-in-law apartment above the garage, but since we can’t afford that you’ll find him in his own crib, in his own room.
1st Kid: I read to my child for 45 minutes.
2nd Kid: I read to my children for 4.5 minutes.
1st Kid (to sitter): I need three excellent references. Do you know CPR?
2nd Kid (to sitter): See you in three excellent hours. Do you know my cell number?
1st Kid: Composed diaper-changing hits such as Poops Poops I Did It Again and Poopy In The Sky With Diapers.
2nd Kid: One hit wonder–FLUSH AND WASH FLUSH AND WASH FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY PLEASE FLUSH. AND. WASH.
At least I still take both kids to the library. Bi-annually. For videos. Maybe we’ll pick up ET.
This month I’m working with a team of humor bloggers including Kelcey, Robin, Susan, Candy and Amy. We’re hijacking LUVS’ marketing for their clever and funny 1st Kid/2nd Kid campaign, for which I’m compensated. What’s your 1st Kid/2nd Kid story?
I don’t change diapers anymore, but I am filing “Poopy in the Sky with Diamonds” away for use with future grandkids.
My third kid didn’t get bathed near as much as my first, usually because we couldn’t ever remember at that point if it was bath night or not.
If I treated my one and only kid like kid #2, what does that say about me? Don’t answer that…
I read those tweets the other day, and I have to tell you, nothing compares to going from one to three. Suddenly, eating off the floor, wiping one’s nose with another’s pajamas, and taking half-chewed food from one child and feeding it another have all become okay. Disgusting, of course, but okay.
Agree with the mommabythyname. My 1st to 3rd stories are way more impressive.
I remember when my first baby was first starting solids and my high chair was in pristine impeccable condition and I turned up my nose at my friend whose high chair (of her toddler) was disgusting. I though – how could you allow your son to eat out of that tower of moldy food? I thought that for maybe another month or two.
Love what Becky said.
The gift of more than one is the relaxed mommy they get: the trail’s been blazed before and we have the map.
Yin and yang to everything: my first had a hyperfocused uberobsessed mom But then he also had all the pictures taken of him and the baby keepsake boxes filled to the brim.
The second and third don’t have the photos and love letters to them in the future BUT they had a mama who confidently waited till the fever pitched over 103 before calling the Dr.
I always tell everyone that my 1st child got their first bank lollipop when she was four years old, my 2nd child was two years old, and my 3rd child came out of my womb sucking on a pink bank dum-dum.
1st son: soft-sifted whole wheat homemade carrot cake with honey “frosting” for 1st birthday, because of course, no sugar. 2nd: dayglo grocery store cupcake. He ate the wrapper.
1st baby, “Did you wash your hands? Did you you just SNEEZE? Are you SICK? No, you can’t hold my baby!”
2nd baby, “Here’s the baby. Pass him on to someone else when you’re done. Gesundheit. Hope your fever breaks soon.”
1st baby, “Did you wash your hands? Did you you just SNEEZE? Are you SICK? No, you can’t hold my baby!”
2nd baby, “Here’s the baby. Pass him on to someone else when you’re done. Gesundheit. Hope your fever breaks soon.”
Love it. And you can imagine what it’s like when you get to your FOURTH lol. Scene: 7am catch child #4 unwrapping candy. “BRING ME A PIECE, TOO!”
Steph
1st baby: the wipes were warm, the baby book was updated daily
2nd baby: wipes out of the pack, baby book done by one year ( what WAS her first word?)
3rd baby: paper towels wet with water because I forgot to grab wipes, baby book is not even touched and she is three!
Yes, I love the songs!! Both my boys got “Who’s gonna drive you home” diaper version and “Great Balls of Fire”, diaper version. The only reason that the second one got them is that they were already made up from the first kid. 😉 And he was still in diapers so…
This is fantastic! When I awoke from a lactating coma, I had 4 children! When our first child needed to eat, the world stopped so that I could nurse the prince. By the fourth, she could cling to me like a monkey and nurse while I wrangled the other 3.
1st: detailed birth plan. sweaty pumping sessions and meticulously labeled breastmilk for freezer storage. clothes fresh out of the dryer. days planned around bathing, napping, and feeding baby.
2nd: no birth plan. fine with formula. clothes-clean on good days. days planned around where 1st kid needs to be.
3rd: babe slid out like cal ripken. 3,000 strangers have seen my breasts. laundry piles are ‘pooped-on’ and ‘not pooped on.’ days planned around drop-offs and reunions with other mommy friends.
1st baby: check the carseat. Is it buckled? check the carseat, is it buckled? check the carseat. Is it buckled?
2nd baby: get in the taxi, hold baby on lap.
I’m on child number three. She has been using a regular KNIFE since she was 3 years old. They climb on the counters to get GLASS cups and know how to operate technology well above my own abilities. It’s a sad, sad situation over here…
I regularly dole out lollipops after breakfast. In front of the the TV. Mommy needs to drink her coffee in peace.
I was SO different with my #3 than I was #1 & #2 (twins). I was nap and bedtime nazi with them, stretching out their naps as long as I could. With the youngest, it’s a relief that she’s dropped her nap, a full year younger than they were when they did. Hallelujah for early bedtimes again!
Love.
And yup —-> “See you in three excellent hours. Do you know my cell number?”
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