Joseph thinks my “Get ’em clean Nazarenes” hand-washing station is in poor taste. I think touching a savior-baby with donkey hands is in poor taste. AmIrite?
See also: When I politely reminded the Myrrh-man to cough into his elbow instead of all over the son of God.
Joseph practically rolled over Our Savior the other night, and Jesus hates the Moses basket. Now what?
I know it’s a little early for a schedule, but how am I supposed to teach Jesus to self-soothe if everyone harmonizes his name constantly?
I need help with my Jesus Burrito. Everything went fine until the nurses left and I had to swaddle Jesus myself. MIL says I wrap him too tight and he’ll become bow-legged. (Note: Bow-leggedness does not interfere with Jewish carpentry).
That reminds me. Anyone know if water-walking is normal at 13 days? #NoReasonJustAsking
The Angel Gabriel from heaven came, and neglected to mention anything about stretch marks.
O little town of Bethlehem, away in a manger means we have no place for your casseroles. Love you mean it.
Hosannah Heysannah HelpMeRhonda: I need a month of Messiah-free sleep, WiFi and a latte. Amen.
‘Jesus Burrito’ OHMYGAH
“Anyone know if water-walking is normal at 13 days?”
So funny.
Also, apparently Jesus is Lord. I saw it on the Internet.
Oh my little baby Jesus, you went there you gutsy Jew you.
That’s the best thing I’ve read in days. 🙂
Pearl
Ann….stop it. It hurts. This much funny hurts.
xo
I actually wrote a poem not that long ago imagining Mary parenting the infant Jeez. (I can call him Jeez, I go to church so we’re TIGHT.) http://awonderingspirit.blogspot.com/2012/11/hail.html Anywho, yours is way better than mine. Way better. Dying at the Jesus Burrito.
Thank goodness she’s a virgin.
Oh my goodness.
Steph
Holy Moly this is hilarious. Brilliant!
I couldn’t decide if I was going to click the button to read this, or wait a little bit and perhaps grab some chocolate and a cup of tea to really get my full enjoyment on…um, yeah, so glad I didn’t have a mouthful of anything HI-larious!!!!!!!
Hilarious!!! But, I’m stunned that she had her MIL with her! Wasn’t that why they traveled away from Nazareth to Bethlehem?!! 😛
Excellent 🙂
#NoReasonJustAsking was pure comedian genius
You are brilliant, AmIrite?!?
Your title alone had me giggling.
This is great. The best baby Jesus joke I could come up with involved “Silent Night.” Yep, I’m a hack.
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Would love to taste a Bethlehem casserole. SO funny.
HelpMeRhonda – sweet baby Jesus, this was awesome. To be honest, I’d like to see The Virgin Mary Post-Partum do stand-up.
LOVED THIS.
Well, it’s not like that saved her any pain on the EXIT. Just like a man to mess with the EASY part and be all, no, sorry, hun, that miracle baby you’ve got there is going to have to come out the old fashion way.
give yourself a few days grace. Swaddling the savior takes some technique. You’ll get it…
xo
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[giggle]
You are twisted. And I like it.
Truly when someone doesn’t know then its up to other visitors that they will help, so here it occurs.
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I’m sure even Mary wanted to run screaming from the inn when she couldn’t get Jesus to sleep after his 3am feeding. We are not alone.
That is HILARIOUS!!! The burrito wrap always fails when the professionals leave.
I simply adore you, your honesty, and your integrity. My heart did a little somersault when I read this for so many reasons, none of which I can properly articulate here. gout in ankle