This post is sponsored by Luvs, in support of a terrific charitable promotion coming up in partnership with the ABC family comedy “Bet On Your Baby” airing this Saturday. The Experienced Mom Secrets are all mine (and now yours).
Ten years into this parenting gig, I finally have a leg to stand on in the motherhood department. Actually, only one knee, as motherhood still brings me to my knees more often than I care to admit. That leaves me pretty far from the “expert” category, but I feel comfortable with the label “Experienced Mom” for these specific reasons:
1. I’ve finally learned to keep a mess of dry clothes and shoes in various kid-sizes in my car. Long after potty accidents pose a concern, spilling all over your lap in restaurants happens more often than you might think–even with a seven and a ten year old. Nine out of Ten children prefer three-sizes too small cutoffs over chocolate milk-butt.
2. If you give your kids a small allowance, the begging for crap every time you go to the store ceases, because of the answer “Sure, you may absolutely spend your allowance on that $7.00 package of tropical flavored coffee mints.”
3. Eventually time outs cease to matter much to your kids, and screen time may prove your only consequence-collateral. Mete it out wisely. Better yet, make your kids earn screen time by doing whatever needs to get done first– chores, outside time, or mom’s back massaged. If, God forbid, your kids already used their screen-face for the day, sugar comes in as a powerful second-tier motivator.
4. Your family will never come to the dinner table when called. You can hold on to your irritation about this for the rest of your life like me, or see number three. SIT DOWN OR LOSE FIVE MINUTES is the new dinner bell!
5. It will always be easier to do things for your kids than to make kids do things for themselves. And that’s how I ended up tying my ten-year-old’s shoe last week “because they always come untied when I do it myself,” while simultaneously berating myself aloud for tying my ten-year-old’s shoes. Kids can do more than we give them credit for (except for maybe your taxes, unless your child is an accountant-savant).
In fact, little ones can do more than most of their parents realize, as becomes hilariously evident in ABC’s family comedy “Bet On Your Baby.” Featuring the Luvs brand, Bet on Your Baby showcases the fun playfulness, but also the unpredictability of parenthood, as parents attempt to predict their child’s next move in an effort to win money for their child’s future education. Families only compete against the clock–not against other families–and Luvs provides free diapers for a year for every family that doesn’t make it to the college final round!
New this season, Luvs will be partnering with Children’s Miracle Network of Hospitals, hosting a #LuvsBOYB Twitter Party for consumers THIS SATURDAY June 14th from 8-9pmEST. For each tweet using the dedicated hashtag #LuvsBOYB, one Luvs diaper will be donated to Children’s Miracle Network of Hospitals (up to 10,000 diapers).
Six Experienced Mom humor bloggers, including me, will host the party while live-tweeting the episode:
Candy Kirby, http://thelaughingstork.com/, @candykirby
Kelcey Kintner, http://www.mamabirddiaries.com/, @mamabirddiaries
Amy Sprenger, http://snarkymommy.com/, @snarkymommy
Ann Imig, http://annsrants.com/, @annsrants
Susan McLean, http://www.divinesecretsofadomesticdiva.com/, @nodomesticdiva
Robin O’Bryant, http://www.robinschicks.com/blog-2, @robinobryant
The Children’s Miracle Network Hospitals episode is going to feature Josh Miller and his parents Laura & Michael. Josh was born with multiple challenges inside and out. At Children’s Hospital Los Angeles, Cardiologist Jackie Szmuszkovicz explains Josh was born with a defect that blocked blood flow, between his lungs and his heart. Now that he’s recovered from open heart surgery, she marvels at how active he is today.
Please join us Saturday night at 8 EST/7 CST for family fun with Luvs & Bet On Your Baby. Tweet with us to donate diapers to Children’s Miracle Network of Hospitals. And let your kids tie their own shoes.
Can you just pretend you have 2 teenagers (14 and 17) and sprinkle some more pearls of wisdom? #5…number five…NUMBER 5!!!!! That must be my mantra!
I’m afraid YOU need to write that post for ME, Andrea.
Ann–You should have told Andrea that sometimes, parents of teenagers just need an exorcist. However, if both the parents and the kids survive the teens and early twenties, the resulting relationship is often quite sweet and rewarding.
Yes, Sioux, I think a local family exorcist is a great idea!
I know it’s wrong, but I find myself doing things for my kids now because they are almost not even kids anymore.
I find myself counting backward and muttering, “Jack is turning 17 this summer. In two more years, he won’t live here anymore. Of COURSE you should make his peanut butter and jelly sandwich for lunch. For two more years.”
Then there’s my daughter. She’s almost 15 so I have only three more years (THREE) to do her laundry. Which I pick up off the floor. For her.
Oh crap.
I’m sending adults off into the world who won’t know how to boil water or fold a t-shirt.
Guess I’ve got somewhere between 24 and 26 months to teach them….sigh
AND I said “crap” in a comment on a post about diapers.
Yep. My kids really are getting too old too quickly.