Friends! I think I just glimpsed a portal that leads out of the recession. A trend among the incredulously wealthy set sparked something within me…a brainchild I suppose. My friend Kate (of NYC weekend fabulosity) recently dined with an exorbitantly wealthy acquaintance. I use the word “dined” loosely, because in this case it comprised nibbling on a singular field green for three hours, but I digress. Said acquaintance mentioned a new dog purchase, and the requisite dog-nanny interview process. Kate perked her ears “Ehh-rrr?” to which said acquaintance responded “Well someone has to be with the dog.”
Now I realize I’m woefully behind here. I know of dog walkers and dog sitters, but I’m new to the concept of Dog Nannies. Just to clarify— these potential nannies retain no child-minding duties, only doggy-minding duties (and dooty duties, of course). A dog nanny means a companion for your companion? Kind of similar to a husband nanny I suppose. Or a job nanny? Well someone has to go to couples therapy with him. Well someone has to go to work at my job today.
So my rims start spinning, and I realize that we need skilled oversight for our oversight. All those nannies? NEED NANNIES! America needs nannynannies. I mean nanny-cams people? So yesteryear. So passé, so dare I say…unpatriotic. How about privacy? How about FISA? Let’s bring our monitoring out in the daylight where everyone can see it. Can a nanny-cam hold the baby-latte while the Nanny juggles her own diet coke, the toddler’s macro-bioticcino, and the preschooler’s decaf-with-room? Without using the stroller cup-holder that could fatally scald the progeny? No, I think not.
Can a nanny cam wait patiently in the car with your sleeping baby, while the Nanny takes the 22-month-old to toddler choir rehearsal (its a capella madrigals if you must know)? Can a nanny cam see what goes on while the children are sleeping? Well I suppose yes, but only a Nannynanny can DO something about it! Only the Nannynanny can set appropriate limits and enforce consequences. Nanny, you’ve enjoyed your two hours of SuperNanny, time to turn off the TV and go craft. I said Go Craft! You-know-what happens if that photobook isn’t sufficiently snap-fished by nap’s end!
Seriously, consider this option. No big job-retraining expenses…just some grown-up tattletales. Let’s get America back to work, shall we? She needs a guiding hand and a watchful eye– make that eyes.
Sigh. I couldn’t afford a Nanny to begin with, but I was starting to have real aspirations of getting there. But now, the nannyNanny, I’ll just never make it to such esteemed company. I’m totall changing my approach and looking for a Job Nanny.
I second that emotion.
What a great idea! My dog is neurotic, if we are gone too long he chews his tail until it bleeds. He needs either puppy prozac or a nanny… I wonder which is cheaper?
I need a few of those for myself. Because commenting on blogs can be exhausting.
Un-bloody-believable. srsly, people are hiring dog-nannies? Why did I ever leave NYC?
When we have cat nannies then we know it’s over. In my world we leave the tv or radio on for the dog if we are going to be gone for a long time. make sure he has water in his bowl or at least that the toilet is left open. I don’t get it. But I want one, or at least to be able to afford one.
We used to have a personal trainer for our dog. They used to run 5 miles together. But please, a dog nanny? That’s ridiculous.
Do you think that a nanny for my parakeet might be taking it too far?!
Okay, I just realized that I need to staff up, people. Two dog nannies, two kid nannies and a Jon Bon Jovi nanny to boot.
Man, is this going to cost Jon Bon Jovi some rocks.
Now that I think of it, I could probably use some supervision, too.
Dammit.
:^) Anna
I hate when people treat their pets like they are retarded children.
It’s an ANIMAL. It doesn’t need constant companionship. Or boots for that matter.
oh man, dog nannies – I know this is about Nannynannies but I can’t get past the fact that someone hires a nanny for their dog. I might look for a Tony Nanny – only requirements is that she look like Michelle Rodriquez and know how to use a bullwhip – oh yeah, and can make waffles in the morning.
A dog nanny! What a fabulous idea! Now if only I had the bank account to do it.
And of course, the nannynannies idea is brilliant! Why did Obama not snap you up for a spot on his cabinet?
And speaking of snap… I am so using that phrase the next time I make a photobook. Snapfished. I love it!
are you SERIOUSLY kidding me??? Christ. I wish I had money to throw down the toilet.
There you go then. Woof. Oh, and I’ll be Anna’s nanny any day. Can I pet her? Wait. She can pet me? Oh shit…
And for God’s sake turn off this goddamned COMMENT VERIFICATION CRAP…oh sorry, i’mon my husband’s computer and not only does it make me aggressive but it has no exclamation mark. Crap.
Dog-Nanny-cam scandals can’t be too far behind. NEXT ON ANIMAL COPS NYC…
And isn’t a husband-nanny called a mistress?
Gee, I wonder how many nannynannies Octuplet Mom needs?? Especially when you factor in the half dozen or so that she already has.
The husband nanny is the best idea ever. Oh, wait… did I type that in public? You are hilarious, Miss Rants!
I don’t think I’d mind a husband-nanny. But I’d have to be in on the approval process.
Hey who turned on the lights around here? I love the new look!
The bigger they are the needier they are. And the less they eat.
Lyndsay and KMC, perhaps a LIFE nanny?
Dizz, you need both. You need the nanny to administer the prozac.
Marinka, and a reader nanny, right??
Sweat Pea, I don’t know. That city is ripe with opportunity!
Jen, Cat nanny? Talk about cush job.
Mama Bird, Well of course dog runner counts as essential. No duh.
Amy, the sky nanny is the limit.
Anna, looks like Braja is up for the job.
Bella, boots! Teehee.
Tony, looks like you’ve got your personal ad ready.
Beth, I think Obama feared a powerful woman with a booger couch…
Vodka, if only.
Braja, the biyatchin wife has me convinced that WV will save me from hackers.
Jennygirlrat, oh the reality TV possibilities! Umm, the nanny doesn’t sleep with him unless of course you don’t want to!
Mo, no doubt!! She needs a staff of nannies and a staff-nanny.
Ryan, thanks so much. I needed that today.
Maelstrom. Absolutely, yes.
Goddess, I did!! Are we still talking nannies?? You should really feed them.
Dog nannies? Yes, I’ll have two of those please. With fries.
OMG- finally something I am skilled enough to do and I promise if office supplies somehow come into the picture I will leave them right where I found them.
Mary Poopins?
God, I’m sorry.
BTW thank you for visiting the other day, can’t remember if I said thank you at the time. OOOOOOPS.
Ok Ann hi!!! You got me thinking now!!! Dog nanny and nannynanny are great things BUT how about a blognanny???? Somebody to write your posts and then answer all comments!!!!
OK, for real I may have to blog about that!!!! Or get my blognanny to do it for me!!!! WOOHOO!!!!!
HAPPY MONDAY!!!!!
Ann, hard to believe but one of the Yummy (non)-Mummies at my workplace is paying her stepson to walk the dog, and is arranging sitters too – That way madness lies – I love woozles, but they ain’t babies, nor should they be treated as such! A thorough and thought-provoking piece of writing, AR! Thank you!
I’ve been thinking about this more and I think actually I’d like 2 husband-nannys. So if one gets sick or has to go shopping I’ll have the other one still to take care of it.
Apathy Lounge, hushpuppies perhaps (groan, and I’ve used that joke already this week)
Bern this, you really could do this one with your eyes closed–a seeing eye dog nanny.
WA-Perfect.
Jenny, its impossible to keep up, no worries.
Michelle, how about a jogging nanny?
Hi Woman, Thank you!! Woozles?!? Fantastic.
Maelstrom, again? I’m so honored. Good planning.
I am updating my resume right now. I could handle being a dog nanny if this whole career thing doesn’t work out.
How about a cat nanny? 😉