Palate-Cleanser Programming

I watched a lot of TV growing up. A lot. Not only do I remember the shows that made up my regular viewing schedule, but I devoured a whole second-tier of programming—The Palate Cleansers. Consider the sorbet intermezzo before a gourmet entrée. The sorbet alone– while highly sophisticated–does not satisfy your appetite.

For example…

Hee-Haw made up the hour before The Muppet Show, and we often had to wade through Lawrence Welk before a seasonal Peanuts’ special. I enjoyed the costumes and hijinks’s of both, but kept waiting for a punchline that might resonate with a kindergarten sense of humor. I can still hear the percussive beat of the rotating, multicolored “special” teaser—that signaled something good was about to come on.

Dr. he-Who-dons–a- multi-colored-scarf provided the only scripted entertainment on Sunday nights, before my coveted hour of Silver Spoons and Punky Brewster. Dr. Who frustrated me with his freakiness—just enough to agitate me, but not quite at the threshold to satisfy my thrill-seeking pre-hormones. I turned to horror movies soon enough.

Speaking of hormones, Donahue came on after-school before Three’s Company. This duo provided a lovely companion to my Nestle Quik, Chef Boy-ar-dee, and Crunchberries prix fixe. Of course I enjoyed The Brady Bunch and Gilligans Island, but nothing held my attention like a really steamy after-school special. Talk about titillating! What supposedly served as cautionary tales, sure excited a grade-schooler in the telling. Anyone remember that crazy episode about the teenager who tries angel dusts and flies off the roof to an untimely death? How about the cheerleader who ends up in a wheelchair after getting hit by a car? Perhaps she forgot to look both ways before crossing…If only I could remember these vital lessons.

Did Night Court precede Moonlighting in primetime? Then again when wasn’t Night Court in session…Thinking about it now, I guess the sexual tension between Dan and Markie whet my appetite for David and Maddie. I searched countless poster stores before finding my pin-up of Bruce Willis sporting his classic David Addison Smirk. How odd that a balding middle-aged man fueled my early fantasies…Now my mind floods with situation comedies: One Day At a Time, Gimme a Break, Different Strokes, The Facts of Life—I consider Alf, Small Wonder, Charles in Charge and Mr. Belvidere palate-cleansers in this category. Saved by the Bell served as a nice gateway to the original 90210 a decade later.

Of course I probably could have spent these hours more productively—learning to play an instrument or speak a foreign language (in addition to the five hours a week I spent learning Hebrew of course). Was it all for naught? I can still sing most all of these lyrics by request. I’m a blast on car trips.