Christopher Guest? Let’s Go to BlogHer!

Dear Christopher Guest,

I’m a huge fan of your mockumentaries. By “huge fan” I don’t mean I can quote verbatim or extensively. However, I can quote partially, incorrectly, and enthusiastically. A mere mention of oh let’s say Best In Show or Waiting for Guffman, can send my father and I giggling into a fit of misquotes. I can sing quite a few of the songs…from Listen, shhh, to what the flower people say, to Midnight at the Oasis and Teacher’s Pet with hand motions (OH, I’m THAT good, Mr. Guest) and most of the soundtrack of A Mighty Wind INCLUDING Catherine O’Hara’s Sure-flo, Sure-flo.

So it is with great admiration, and a significant awareness and respect of your cinematic body (chill Jamie Lee, not his BODYbody) that I offer this pitch. Come to BlogHer. Come with ME to BlogHer! Just Come.

When I imagine this cataclysmic bloggy event, I see cameos of all your people…

Eugene Levy shocks conference attendees with his true identity, disappointing hundreds of women who already gave him their vote for Blogger’s Choice Awards “Hottest Daddy Blogger.” His popularity stemmed largely from a minimally photo-shopped Tom Selleck avatar he coopted for his blogger profile.

Harry Shearer plays a recently divorced Daddy-blogger who keeps interrupting the key note speakers with loud sobs. He engages innocent conference goers with long bitter diatribes.

Catherine O’Hara is a mompreneur caricaturist. She continually offends attendees by drawing grotesque likenesses of them. She also enjoys practicing her “social ventriloquism” by standing next to random attendees and mimicking them.

Fred Willard plays a self-described “Blogpreneur” and keeps conducting “interviews” with attractive bloggers to consider them for his next “venture”

Jennifer Coolidge karaokes non-stop and noone seems to know who the hell she is or what she is doing at the conference. No one can even figure out what song she is supposedly singing.

Jane Lynch is a controversial alpha-blogger. Thousands read her anti-toddler blog usingMYwords.com. She spends the conference ambushing unsuspecting mommybloggers, with her anti-toddler vitriol. Hand-held camera in tow, she is followed by her befuddled husband, Bob Balaban. They eventually get evicted from the conference after interviewing toddlers in the childcare area, and trying to use their handprints to sign release forms.

I don’t mean to step on creative tootsies, Mr. Guest. I know you can find a place at BlogHer for Michael Mckean, Parker Posey, Ed Begley Jr… all your peeps. In fact, if we just give Parker a bratwurst or two, I feel quite confident that she could play a certain ‘Sconnie Jewess I know…