I believe in simple bed time routines.
When Six was an infant I rocked and sang my way through “The Singer’s Musical Theatre Anthology: Haggard Ingénue Edition” every night. Every. Single. Night.
I learned from my mistakes.
With Three I streamlined the process—two stories, one song, and lights out.
But.
Somewhere along the way Three inserted a few “talking points.” If you imagine a moment of reflection or prayer, I love your idea. To the contrary, since attending a Chuck E. Cheese Birthday party A YEAR AGO he insists on the following nightly script.
Me: Chuck E Cheese?
Three: (nods, sits up in bed, crash-lands on pillow)
Me: We cannot talk unless you lie peacefully in your bed.
Three: Oh. KAYuh.
Me: Chuck E. Cheese?
Three: (pops up, nails me in the nose with his head)*
Me: (covering face, biting hand ala Jack Tripper, crying)
Three: YOU’RE OKAY. YOU’RE OKAY MAMA. MAMA? ARE YOU OKAY
Me: CHUCK. E. CHEESE. You went to a party and had pizza and root beer.
Three: It wasn’t a party. It was just Chuck E Cheese
Me: You had a cupcake with blue frosting. Babies danced on the tables. Chuck E Cheese danced on the stage.
Three. Talk normal.**
Me: I am talking Normal. Chuck E. Cheese gave you a high five and you played a game where you hopped the balls in the red pot. You won tickets and picked out a chocolate lollipop.
Three: I didn’t win. It wasn’t chocolate. It was a brown lollipop. TALK NORMAL. (pops up)
Me: (ducks nose-blast) I AM TALKING NORMAL. Lie down. You won a brown lollipop. Okay. Indiana Jones?
Three: Indi-AHHH-na Jones.
Me: He runs from the bolder. He whips the horses. He wears an IndiAHHna Jones hat. He’s afraid of spiders and snakes and he cuts the sausage.***
Three: TALK NOR-MAL
Me: (start singing “Goodnight Three” to the tune of “Goodnight Irene” meaning “Watch me leave”)
Three: YOU FORGOT THREE THINGS. 1-2-3-4-5. YOU FORGOT FIVE THINGS.
Me: I’m leaving
Three: NNNOoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Me: What did I forget?
Three: He runs from the bolder. He whips the horsies. He cuts the sausage.
Me: (sings “Goodnight Three: Fast Play”)
Three: I need a hug. I need three hugs.
Me: I love you. Errrmmmphhhrgl…Okay let go. Ouch my hair. LET. GO.
Three: My bed is wrecked. Another hug.
Me: (fixes blanket) No. Goodnight. I love you. If you stay in your own bed you get a check on your chart. See you in the morning when the sun comes up.
Three: Okay. I will stay in my bed. Nope. I won’t stay in my bed.
Me: Love you. Goodnight.
Three: (whispers) Talk normal.
Me: SHHH-UH (karate chop accent)
Apparently “I learned from my mistakes” means “I perform Samuel Beckett instead of Stephen Sondheim.”
*The nose blast is not a scheduled part of the routine, but a frequent byproduct
**On one or two occasions I sped up the script or sounded slightly unenthusiastic. “Talk Normal” was Three’s response, but now makes up a requisite part of the dialogue.
***Lego video game reference
oh Ann… what have you done to yourself??? All I have to do is 4 books, three lullabyes, water from the water bottle, hugs, kisses, cowboy boot night lights ons, bedroom lights out, “good night!” 5-10 times, and then several trips back to “fix covers”. Guess I have it easy….
You guys should really consider taking that little show on tour.
And perhaps you guys would consider punching up our nightly script: one story-tooth brushing-second story-prayers-water in a travel cup-questions about death/need for exact coordinates longitude and latitude of heaven/can R2-D2 talk for real-don’t leave mama you have to fall me asleep.
I think is routine is for you. From your post, it sounds like he’s only barely tolerating your antics. You really ought to settle down, because eventually this will rub off and he will become an exciteable child. Really Ann.
Hope your nose is OK.
Casey
Dear God I can hardly wait until these children are old enough that I can finally start understanding what you’re talking about.
Seriously.
Every night? Exactly the same? That’s dedication.
Oh, I SO remember getting bopped in the nose like that! Vlad also wanted me to follow his script for story telling. Complete with voices! Twenty years later, I actually miss all that! Yeah, I’m nuts!
That sounds like a really simple streamlined bedtime routine. I can’t wait to use it!
I wonder if daily blows to the head are just for those of us with boys? Henry’s head hit my chit with such force the other day- I swear, I heard and felt my teeth clatter.
I am a big fan of the simple bedtime routine, too. And I’ve been bonked on the nose more times than I can count.
You are SO being hosed.
[Watch out for those teenage years.]
I relive my trip to Chuck E. Cheese each night before bedtime, too, but my experience usually involves palsy, chills and imaginary 10 foot high rats chasing me until I get to my Benadryl.
Benedril in the bed time milk is magical. 😉
Awwww someday we’ll be streamlined.
We SANG to our children out of what they came to call “THE BIG BOOK.” By the age of 3, both my girls could sing “GOD SAVE THE QUEEN” impeccably. Also “Green Grow the Rushes, Ho,” which unfortunately at least nine verses. molly
As I’m reading this, it’s 10 past 8pm. I can hear the negotiations in the other room, as 2.5 refuses to go to sleep.
My “routine” with Ben was always “Good night.” Kiss and I’m out.
You are clearly a better mother.
p.s. the Jack Tripper comment killed me! So perfect and I totally pictured him over-acting and biting his hand. May he rest in peace…
Actually we have a fairly long and complex bedtime routine which I posted about a while back and had people commenting in amazement about. But for us it works as before we started this I would suffer the tears and frustrations of a child who did not want to go to bed but now, knowing fun time is ahead it is all smiles and willingness. We have glow sticks we dance with in the dark and also we hide in the closet and shine them around. We blow bubbles, we do dancing and more but it is a lot of fun.
We have never been to Chuck E Cheese – I am thinking this is a good thing!
I have been going to bed BEFORE my children for a long time now. But they are 17 and 20….
Oh my goodness. I can relate to the head bumps. Right after my lasik surgery both kids managed to nail me in the eye at bedtime. Nice.
The title of this post – brilliant.
Ah, bedtime routines. Kids have us by the balls, I tell you. THE BALLS.
And I though the teeth brushing, two stories, three questions (always the same three; always different answers), tuck, three trips downstairs to ask more questions of increasingly impatient parents, musical beds, and requests for more stories were exhausting.
On the other hand, there is something to be said for the value of a script. No matter how crazy the script it, at least you can recite it on auto-pilot. 🙂
Would you believe I kinda miss those days?? I’m lucky if any of my 3 even go to bed before I do any more…
So cute. Both of you.
I have pared it all down. We are at 1-2 books for ALL 3 kids AT ONE TIME. It rocks.
I love the “talk normal” demand. That is sooooo 3. And his story reminds me of Justin’s phase with 2 stuffed animals that used to fight before bedtime…
I yiyi. How many times does he get up and come out to the living room for one more hug 🙂
Funny story Ann.
jj
Your children are clearly yours. CLEARLY.
Without a doubt…and I can tell you love all this, minus the broken nose head butts, and I knw what I’m talking about…
precious, sweet, and gone too quickly.
We are into the teenage years around here.
Our bedtime routine is me going to bed first and yelling down the stairs, “last one to bed shut off the lights and lock the doors”. Love the karate chop.
Jack Tripper. Freakin’ fab – lordy you make me giggle. Yeah, my canon of six show tunes before bed lasted till Lucy was about 2 months old. Nowadays she’s lucky to get “The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow”. Mama’s tired! xoxo
I knew I loved you before, but after the “Jack Tripper” reference… Marry me, Ann. We will have the love that shall not be named.
This sounds so serene… I spend 50% of bedtime yelling at one or three children to SIT down, STOP running, STOP fighting, do you want me to LEAVE?…I’m turning the light off RIGHT NOW! Well – are you going to listen to the story now? Okay – let’s pick up where we left off. SIT down! STOP running!
Head bonking must be universal. It’s amazing that no one has broken my nose yet…
My 3 and I have a script ourselves, but I don’t think I could write it out as funny as you have. 🙂
Miss you, funny lady.
xo elizabeth
Laughed out loud about Jack Tripper.
And love “My bed is wrecked.” Can SO relate. Must be a universal kid thing!
Except for the Chuck E Cheese part, this is TOTALLY how bedtime goes over here. Near nose-breakage and all. 🙂
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