On Wednesday my laptop died.
On Thursday I learned that I’ve misused the word “intertia” when I meant “momentum” for my entire adult life.
On Friday morning I learned the “I’m shy” defense from 3:
“Please clean up that mess you just made”
shrugs shoulders, sighs, shakes head “I’m shy”
On Friday after the school ice cream social, 6 informed me that he read a message in his poop
“it was shaped like an ice cream, with a minus sign under it. My body told me I ate too much ice cream”
Today I noticed in one of our wedding photos that the bridal boutique sewed the bra cups in my dress exactly four inches lower than flattering. Seeing this photo now feels like foreshadowing, or inertia—rather, momentum of the downward variety.
Today I also learned that I still suck at Photoshop. I made a button, and it only took me two days hours! Go click it for a Listen To Your Mother announcement…
The poop whisperer? That’s a totally new one on me. Something tells me that neurotic folks from NYC will pay top dollar for this service.
I am going to have to try the shy defense and see if it works for me.
I think my computer died. The button won’t work for me. Sad face emoticon.
Inertia is also the tendency of a body in motion to stay in motion so that’s kinda sorta close to momentum, right?
The button linked to an Ojai conference but nothing about Listen To Your Mother. Is this a September 13th trick?
I clicked it and nothing happened. Did I do something wrong? I really love your son’s shy defense.
OMG, I have to much inertia going for this event already…
😉 A.
I’ll pay top dollar to 6 to find out who’s going to win the Superbowl this year.
I wish I could read my poop then maybe I’d have known I was going to be dumped this weekend. Pun intended
Jack used to say his poop looked like the Death Star. Smelled that way, too.
Oh, yeah, up high!
No?
Bad photoshop is better than no photoshop at all.
I use Picnik, it’s the only one I can figure out.
I can’t wait!!!
Did Newton write the laws of momentum too???
I bet he did, but the inertia ones just took on a momentum of their own. . .
Ann,
As everyone knows, reading shit is a highly-sought after talent. You son has a great future in hunting dairy foods. Are you bringing Listen to Your Mother to the Bay Area? Huh?
You had me at saggy boobs. Totally relating… and giggling.
Dead laptop, shyness, poop, mixed up words and boobs. I’d say this post has it all. Plus, PLUS you give us photoshopped buttons as a bonus.
Well done, you.
The only thing I read in one of the Things’ poop was that he or she had eaten too many Fruit Loops. Turns the poop blue.
Congrats on the salon!
This is way too much learning. I say, at least skip the dead computer and the saggy wedding boobs. Without those, all else is bearable, no?
This is good stuff. My son just shakes his head and admits, “I would, but I’m too lazy.” He’s three. This is probably only going to get worse.
If it makes you feel better, my boobs have always been 4 inches lower than flattering. The woman who sewed my wedding dress asked if we could lift them a bit. Umm no, that’s where they’re connected. I suspect they’ll continue the momentum until I can use them as cushioned shoe inserts.
Love the poop reader by the way!
You can read poop?
Why did nobody tell me this before?
Does it work with dogs too?
Now THIS is psychic bullcrap that’s also funny. Because it involves poop. I’m in.
Maybe you can use your fancy new Photoshop skills to raise your boobs in that wedding photo!
Back to report that the shy defense is completely ineffective for me. Damn.
I always thought that intertia meant something along the lines of not moving until moved by outside forces – but then learned (in college? who knows…) that it also applies to things in motion (staying in motion until stopped by outside forces). While it’s not the same as momentum, it’s not exactly the opposite. So – good news! – technically, you probably weren’t misusing it.
That said – WHY is this fantastic event taking place in CA and not DC? The inertia of my weeping could only by countered by some killer outside forces.
I had a friend whose child once called her into the bathroom to look because her poop looked like Cinderella’s glass slipper. I know, I don’t think so either.
My children are also too shy or too sad to clean up their mess. I’ll admit, the sad one almost works for me.
momentum is killing my body and my boobs are the bane of my existence. You could probably set up a fortune telling stand out front – “poop readings”
Thank goodness for the re-introdution of high speed internet in my life! Now i can catch up on all your rants!!
OMG GOODNESS!
What is the acronym for, I EFIING JUST PISSED MY PANTS READING YOUR POST!!!
an;t wait to rant with ya!