Twice in the past week I have found Husband holding a baby—a baby neither ours, nor a close baby friend of ours—stranger babies. My husband has sought out holding said babies, smiling and cooing—adoring these babies to the extent that our Four requested “You can put that down now.”
Why this sudden baby-fondness? Simple. He can put down the baby and back away slowly. My desire for babies has finally reduced the homeland pregnancy threat level to NoWayJose, and Mirena sounded the all clear a few years ago.
Before having our own babies, Husband adored his role as uncle, and always played with our friend’s kids. Now a wonderful father, he did not arrive at his role as Dad to our own children so easily. Left to his own schedule of deep Daddy Denial, we’d perhaps be newlyweds pregnant with our first baby right now, instead of approaching our 12th anniversary with kids Four and Seven.
My ovaries jumped into overdrive the moment we met doing Summerstock in Colorado. As I made plans on stage to marry young Perchik in Anatevka, I made plans in my head to marry young Husband-the-drummer in the future. He hated playing “mazel tov mazel tov” every night that in the pit, and what uncanny foreshadowing for his soon-to-be extended family of Jews. Less than a year later we lived together, and he had to endure my pointed maniacal grins every time we passed the Marshall Fields’ Bridal mannequins. Poor dude never stood a chance against these ovaries. By the time the thank you notes went out—I was crazy eyes for Baby Gap displays.
I got pregnant with our first son when we were both in graduate school. Joyful in theory, Husband appeared almost as terrified at this news as he looked on our wedding day. Almost.
I poured over baby name books every night “How about Violet?”
“Let’s talk about this later.”
“Gabriel?”
“I don’t have time right now.”
“Ruby?”
“Not at this particular moment.”
Husband was mid-finals week when I went into labor. I was writing down contractions every three minutes and trying to watch a movie–When Harry Met Sally or The Sopranos (hard to distinguish when you cannot hear over your lowing, or see due to your rocking). He typed one painstaking email after another to his professors:
Dear Communication Design Professor,
I realize it is the last week of school and I’ve never mentioned this before, but my wife is pregnant. In fact she is in labor right now, so I will need to reschedule my finallllllll*(Y*&^V UINB*^(
Dear Communication Design Professor:
My apologies for that last incomplete email—my wife grabbed me and started whipping me to and fro, while hanging from my neck and yelling “GET YOUR PUNKASS OFF THE COMPUTER AND ROCK WITH ME BITCH” because it makes her feel better to do the hug-and-rock they showed us at birthing class. Anyway, I will need to reschedule my finall;alwieu tr
Dear Communication Design Professor:
I need to make this brief because my wife just threatened my livelihood. No time for details. I won’t be at finals. Now I have to go because I have to email three other professors which will take me approximately two more hours ;alsidouf aw’e4rf
Husband took a very active role with both our babies—even doing some stints as a stay-at-home Dad—but parenting babies and toddlers took quite a toll on him. Now that our children are older, and we’ve agreed to let bygones babies be bygones babies, I love to see him enjoy them again. So long as they are not ours.
What pray tell is a sockball?
Aww I loved this. “ROCK WITH ME!” love it. And you.
And I totally blame my husband for our fourth baby. I was done, and he was the one who said, “I’d love to have another baby. I think it would be awesome.” Et voila.
I just typed this long comment and then it didn’t go through. It was witty, poignant and it would have changed your life. Oh well, I guess you’ll have to live out your days without it, becauase now I can’t remember what I said.
Except for this: I think my husband may still be in Daddy Denial, especially when he asks me if he needs to “babysit” the kids for me, like he didn’t have a hand in their creation, or at the end of the night I’m going to hand him $40 buck and he will go meet his friends for a milkshake, or something.
LOVED this post!
-Ellie
That’s so cute! I can’t even imagine my husband holding a baby that he didn’t have to. Dont get me wrong, he loved ours…i just think he worries that he’ll break them
I’m with One Crafty Mother.
My husband still calls it babysitting, asks me what they should get for dinner, and then orders himself a pizza and a movie on netflix when I’m gone.
Yeah no to the daddy denial.
My husband is not there yet. He is still overwhelmed with our 3 and has cut me off. He is a no go on the 4 I want. And like One Crafty Mother, he still considers watching the kids babysitting…so we’ve got a while before he volunatarily snuggles other babies.
So glad you are there though…because daddies snuggling babies is like the cutest thing ever.
“GET YOUR PUNKASS OFF THE COMPUTER AND ROCK WITH ME BITCH.”
Needle pointing that on a pillow ASAP.
Loved this post. You made me giggle with fond labor memories. I agree with Ellie about the babysit your own kids cuz I get that one alot.oy
Amy
I’m the now-baby-loving one in our relationship. We happily have one, I was the one with baby fever, then I was the angsty one trying to figure out if we should have another while my husband was quite content with just the one. We finally made it permanent and now for the first time, I can actually enjoy babies again, knowing my decision is made. Funny how that works. Hilarious with the emails, by the way.
“GET YOUR PUNKASS OFF THE COMPUTER AND ROCK WITH ME BITCH” I so agree, that needs to be needlepointed on a pillow or on a wall sampler or something….love it!
Karen
lilmuna.blogspot.com
After fondly coddling my niece, first me, then hubby, we looked longingly remembering when our (4) were small and needy rather than large and mouthy.
As soon as we got in the car,
him: “um, about that baby.”
me: “Totally lying; No fucking way.”
him: “Ditto, thank god. Lying my ass off. Just making sure we’re on the same page.”
Yeah, babies are great as long as you can hand them back! My husband wanted 3, i wanted 2, we have 3. I still think he knocked me up in my sleep – no way I was awake enough for that with a newborn in the house!
Yes, my husband was checking on his fantasy football scores in the hospital when a sharpie labor pain hit. He saw the look in my eye and put the phone down. (these were the good old days before Blackberries and iPhones.) and you are so right…you just know when you are done with babies.
Did he ever get his degree? Just wondering.
Brilliant post, but more importantly: Help. Bossy has fallen into your blog and she can’t get up.
Why are you leaving us in suspense? Typically teachers aren’t keen on last minute changes to test schedules,did his comply? How did he do on it? Inquiring minds want to know.
Great post, Ann. You’re making slight shifts and I love it.
And I feel the same way about pets. We play with our friends’ animals but leave their stinky, shedding asses as their house. Amen.
Can’t wait to buy a pillow at Wendi’s Etsy shop!
What a fun post! Loved the glimpse into the past and the glimpse at the present. I have had baby fever for the past 10 yrs, but never got around to discussing it w/ my husband. Now I’m old.
Ordering one “GET YOUR PUNKASS OFF THE COMPUTER AND ROCK WITH ME BITCH” pillow please!
My husbands baby fever is finally subsiding along with mine. Menopause does that shit to you.
My husban looks like a man holding a porcupine when he has a baby in his arms. And I don’t think I’ve seen him hold a baby since the Animal was one.
I so get this. Whenever I encounter a particularly adorable baby I think, “this almost makes me want another one…ALMOST.”
My husband loves babies and acts like a grandma of 10 when he sees one. “Gimme that little angel [baby stops doing Linda Blair impression and coos for the nice man]” – but then hands said angel back and walks away without a backward glance (been there done that). He also tells me that if I miraculously get pregnant with a fourth child, he will disappear into the night, never to be heard from again.
And? He never actually got up with any of our own babies at night. Not really relevant – but I’m just saying…
“Crazy eyes for Baby Gap displays” They must have loved you in that store.
This is a very funny story.
xo jj
I’m going to be a great-aunt and I’m finally old enough to be interested in, uh, picking him up. I’ve got towelling. I’m getting some enthusiasm. All I need is some instructions.
I’m totally in love with babies too. And I love my boys so much and love that they’re growing up now. My sister is having babies now. And the best part is the fact that I just hand her baby back to her when she starts to cry. I do sometimes crave a new one of my own, though. But then I think about the sleepless nights – heck, I’m stil not sleeping more than four hour a night and my kids are three and five – and then I go back to being satisfied with my two! 🙂
My two babies are 10 and 12 now, and I love this age.
As for tiny babies, I’m completely happy with a short-term rental, say about 10 minutes? Then I’m happy to hand the little bundle back to mama…
Girl, I’m OLD and I needs my SLEEP.
😉 A.
My daughters are 19 and 16, we were married older and waited 6 years, so yea, we’re done. I think I’d have to shoot someone if got pregnant now but he still will go right up to strange women with babies and ask to smell their heads and then look at me. AS IF. We got him a pit bull puppy instead. It seems to have worked somewhat. He and Rue will actually spoon on the couch watching TV. At least, he’s not bugging the girls about having children. Of course, my 19yr old is a total “blond” and I think he looks at her in horror when present with the fact that one day she will give him grandchildren. “But she puts the cats on the office chair and spins them, what would she do with a baby?” I agree so for now he has Rue and any wonderful mama that will let him hold their babies.
Susan
Awwww…your hubby and babies…so sweet.
Oh but those itty bitty socks. Can you really say no to the socks, Ann? Can you?
OH how hilarious!!! I was prego during grad school too! I actually took my final exam for my master’s degree while in the hospital. I took it via web cam!! hahahah…good times. Rock on mama!
This was such a great story. I was hooked at ‘stranger babies’.
I may have been watching When Harry Met Sally too when i began labor, but thats unsurprising given the frequency with which i watch it.
i love knowing both the middle school Ann and the grad school Ann now.
This is funny!! And so, so great! Love it.
We just had our first 4 months ago and though the contractions I went through at 2am are a bit fuzzy now, I will never forget my husband coming over to me during one and giving me his hand and going “OH WOW” because I just about smushed his fingers… I was also “GET OFF THE COUCH! HELP ME!!! &@&#^*)(@*&(!!!”
This is so funny. I think I am FINALLY ready to say no way José and that’s only because my youngest is about to start school. Suddenly the new found freedom approaching is becoming essential to my sanity.