This is Ann’s brain. This is Ann’s brain on New Year Resolutions. Any questions?

New year resolutions twist me up, and not only because here in the first week of January my yoga classes are annoyingly overcrowded. I tried to draw my feelings for you, but I couldn’t convey exactly the feeling. The results remind me of something you leave in your emo artist feelings journal, and definitely don’t share with the internet. Maybe that should have been my first resolution for 2016.

For every resolution, the counter resolution seems as important and worthy. For every 365-day happiness challenge, please find a 365-day detachment because pain is the normal baseline for humanity and the seed of compassion according to Pema un-challenge. One cheek says GO KICK ASS AND TAKE YOUR PLATFORM FOR A COLORED CHALK EXPLODING IRON MAN MUD VICTORY, LADY BOSS! Turn the other cheek and it whispers get quiet and turn off the internet, because you can’t win at this and giving up is radical and awesome. My slowing metabolism says learn to eat less, and my Feminist brain responds with a WHY SHOULD WOMEN SHRINK AWAY TO INVISIBILITY power fist.

Simply put, my brain dislikes resolving or resolute statements or whatever conjugation of resolution seems appropriate given this context.

I resolve to be more open and hashtagREAL online so as not to promote competitiveness and illusions of perfection, while staunchly protecting my personal and family privacy and maintaining better boundaries!

I resolve to fight my creative resistance and also simultaneously honor my limits to avoid burn out and hating everyone and everything!

I will plan for the future totally present in every moment! The sage on the mountain is whacking me with her NOW enlightenment NOW broom NOW as I’m seeking financial advice and finally maybe probably not budgeting! Broom hitting does not make excel spreadsheets easier, sage.

I resolve to use fewer ambiguous Buddist references in my humor writing.

I shall secret success let go of outcomes!

I will give more save more spend less! But spend more on things that need taking care of, and be conscious organized with my giving instead of willy-nilly 25 bucks here and there. 25 bucks is the new 5 bucks so spend more there too. Really though, first make more to give more to spend more and spend less.

I promise to use less run-on sentences more free writing. More editing, less control. Less perfectionism, less typos. Less exhausting your reader more lifting them up and making them laugh. Whoops.

In closing, I resolve not to open an emo-cartoon etsy shop in 2016.  Of this resolution, I feel resolved. Consider this one less thing to like, share, support, buy, and humor. Happy New Year.