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Holiday Yoga: Straw That Broke The Camel’s Backbend

    The holiday version of a 2009 tandem post with one of my first blog buddies Braja the famous blogging yogini, (and soon-to-be-released international book author). Go visit her blog next to read her corresponding post, okay?

    Downward Facing Jowls: A non-express-line asana

    Worrier Pose: Knit brow, tense jaw, beat chest, spit over shoulder. Watch out for the litter of infants in Santa hats behind you.

    Childish Pose: Hands on hips, jutted lower-lip, eye-roll.

    Oh-Joy Breathing: Deep sighs alternating with atonal passive-aggressive Skating Away humming.

    Oy-Vey Breathing: Same as above, but shake head and downshift to atonal passive-aggressive Havanagila

    Straw That Broke The Camel’s Backbend: Curl up in the middle of the aisle and alternate laughing and crying hysterically. Now is a good time to steal some M&Ms from the bottom candy rack.

    Son Salutation: Proceed directly home. Turn on PBS kids for your dependents. Salute. Proceed directly to…

    Chattarunga: Phone a friend.

    Mountain Pose: Pause momentarily next to laundry hamper. Go directly to some peppermint bark.

    Unhappy Mommy Pose: Get in bed, scream BITE ME ONE BILLION DOLLAR HOT WHEELS WALL TRACKS THAT DON’T STICK TO THE WALL mantra into pillow until falling into deep sleep.

    Bridge Pose: Grab some retirees and gather around the card table. This is the dream sequence of your practice.

    Plank: Breastfeed two boys. Ween. Look at profile in the mirror. You are wide awake now, unfortunately, and in need of some elves for your shelf.

    Inversion: Twist someone’s words (an excellent couples pose!)

    And finally a resting pose…shhhhhhhut-the-vassan-up-you-were-supposed-to-be-asleep-an-hour-ago

    Finish with a cool chamomile and lavender scented Seratonin Specific Reuptake Inhibator.

    photos compliments of freedigitalphotos.net

    ***
    Giveaway Winners Announced! Make sure to read all the hilarious “Please Never Buy Me That” items in the comments. Thanks for playing, guys!
    1. ElisaMarie you won Ketchup Is A Vegetable and Other Lies Moms Tell Themselves! Email Robin at robinschicks@gmail.com with your mailing address.
    2. CommaGirl you won Wanted Cat! Email Marinka at marinkanyc@gmail.com with your mailing address.
    3. The Empress you won the LTYM T-shirt! Email me your size, which style, and your mailing address please.  annimig@yahoo.com
    Happy Holidays, Dear People!!

    0 thoughts on “Holiday Yoga: Straw That Broke The Camel’s Backbend”

    7. Tonya

      I’m an expert at Worrier pose. Also (one you forgot) I’m really great at Rage Against The Jackass Who Just Cut Me Off In Traffic Pose. My middle finger is especially bendy.

    8. Deb

      I held a complicated pose today involving packing tape, eight fingers, my chin, five strands of hair, and my right nipple. Not everyone is ready for it, but hang in there with it.

    12. The Empress

      I love Braja!!

      And I won!!

      I won!!@

      I won a T shirt.

      I’m a perfect 34 D.

      bwahahahhahaha.

      I just can’t stop kidding.

      Send the 32AA to my house, anytime.

      Thank you, Ann!

    13. Heidi

      You kill me! Now I feel prepared to brave the throngs of people at the grocery store and liquor store today. Okay, I really, really don’t. (Your post did make me laugh though.) God, help me.
      Happy Holidays to you, Ann. 🙂

    14. Lady Jennie

      I was actually just thinking today of writing post using “straw that broke the camel’s back” but had nothing, absolutely nothing to go with it. I think karma was just telling me to head your way for a really great laugh.

    19. The Woman Formerly Known As Beautiful

      Hi Ann — I am laughing my ass off while eating peppermint bark. Listen, you may be happy or unhappy to know I nominated you for The Versatile Blogger Award on my blog. As you may know this requires a somewhat Herculean amount of tasks to fulfill, but does also build blogger community betwixt us. Do as you will post holiday. In the meantime know I love your work.

      Here is the link for your perusal. http://thewomanformerlyknownasbeautiful.com/2011/12/friday-wrap-up-yes-my-pants-wont-button-but-i-was-nominated-for-the-versatile-blogger-award.html

    23. Mocha

      I won’t be able to think of yoga the same way again. When my yogini says to get into child’s pose I will most likely think, “No. This is called the childish pose” and then yoga will be funny and I’ll fart and the class will ask me not to ever come back.

      Again.