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March 2011

Signs you’ve emerged from babyville

    1. You ask a baby-wearing Mama where she got “that silly backpack” 2. The last time you changed a diaper your child said “I prefer a bidet” 3. You’ve stopped speaking to your husband in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS 4. Breastfeeding a baby now seems as remote a possibility as molting your feathers. 5. You no longer have babies spitting up at the dinner table, but rather loud burps followed by “AWESOME” 6. Your stroller is so dirty and jerry-rigged that Graco recalls you personally 7. Instead of playing “pattycake” your kids play “Butt2Butt” 8. You… Read More »Signs you’ve emerged from babyville

    Daddy Denial

      Twice in the past week I have found Husband holding a baby—a baby neither ours, nor a close baby friend of ours—stranger babies. My husband has sought out holding said babies, smiling and cooing—adoring these babies to the extent that our Four requested  “You can put that down now.” Why this sudden baby-fondness? Simple. He can put down the baby and back away slowly. My desire for babies has finally reduced the homeland pregnancy threat level to NoWayJose, and Mirena sounded the all clear a few years ago. Before having our own babies, Husband adored… Read More »Daddy Denial

      How to Interview Babysitters

        **fake post alert for Wendi Aarons** See, Wendi has this pet peeve about posting just to say you’re posting elsewhere, so I’m giving her advanced warning. Not only that but also thematic content! My essay “UNNannies” about my boyfriends my babysitters is syndicated at BlogHer today. As a Wendi-insisted BONUS to make this visit worthwhile, please watch this funny video from Anne Flournoy’s the louise log: How to interview babysitters.

        Vanessa Huxtable’s facebook updates

          Note: If you did not watch The Cosby Show religiously, skip this and click over to my newest column at Aiming Low: Screen Limit Psycho. Three is not a magic number when it comes to my pig tails. Who is this Sondra and what Daddy did she come from? Just saw Angelheart. Hillman college sure is A Different World Denise. Guess now I get your room AND your inheritance FTW! Welcome to the family, Olivia. AND welcome to the world of being upstaged by a cuter child, Rudy! FACE. Cockroach is staying overnight again. In… Read More »Vanessa Huxtable’s facebook updates